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Thursday, March 28, 2024

10 Pleasurable Alternatives To Sex

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As much as we love sex, and are usually down to have it pretty much whenever, there are times when intercourse simply isn’t on the menu, for many reasons ranging from menstrual cramps to cold weather. But don’t ever think you need not forgo intimacy just because sex isn’t happening! Cracking each other’s toes can be incredibly intimate, not to mention satisfying as hell. Here are some other pleasurable ways to bond as a couple without putting P in V.

1. Full-contact cuddling. Many people think of cuddling as a passive, post-coital activity. We like to think of it as a full-body sport best done, well, whenever you feel like it. Take turns being the big spoon and interlacing your limbs in creative ways. For extra credit, undulate your pelvis while cuddling.

2. Feeding each other gooey, sticky, sweet desserts. Nothing scratches the primal itch for nurturing quite like being hand fed a salted caramel brownie by your Rhesus Monkey cloth mother, we mean, significant other.

3. Co-showering. If you can move past the “hugging in the hot water while soapy phase,” you might almost get off when your dude gives you a man-hand shampoo. And we don’t even want to talk about how dreamy the post-shower lotioning session feels.

4. Burrito-ing. Especially pleasurable in very cold weather, we dare you not to moan when your partner wraps you up in an extremely warm, exceptionally cozy blanket like a burrito.

5. Watching TV naked in bed. People love to decry TV in the bedroom because it kills your sex life. We happen to think of naked TV watching as foreplay.

6. Using one of those scalp massagers that look like an alien hand on each other’s heads. The Tingler, we think it’s called. It really doesn’t matter though. Once you’re entire body is covered in goose bumps, you’ll loose your ability to speak altogether.

7. Cracking each other’s joints and knucklesWho says that using the bottom of your partner’s foot to crack your toes isn’t just as satisfying as an orgasm? OK. It’s not, but it’s pretty damn close.

8. Having a random slow dance to a romantic song in the kitchen and being like, “We are so fucking corny” but not really caringSlow dancing is sexy for a reason. We suggest letting hands slide down on asses, even though they told you not to at your middle school dance.

9. Running your fingernails up and down each other’s skin. Our mothers called it cookoo-ing. And my god, it feels crazy good.

10. Putting on each other’s pajamas fresh out of the dryer. Way better than putting on a condom before he enters you is putting on warm, just-been-washed set of PJs. Heaven.

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