I recently had a conversation with a colleague who’d grown frustrated with his wife because she refused to relocate with him for a job promotion. It was a heartbreaking thing to listen to and observe, as my colleague, who’d invested more than 20 years of his life in advancing his career, decided to cut ties with his wife of seven years to pursue his career goals.
It was a bitter-sweet decision because he obviously loved his wife but having dedicated more time to his career than his relationship, he felt it would be remiss of him to pass up the one thing in life he’d been consistently working towards for what seemed like a lifetime to him. He was devastated to learn that his wife did not revere the advancement in his career as a win for their relationship. She’d complained of the location the promotion landed him and the tireless hours he’d have to dedicate to the job versus the time he’d be allowed to spend with her. I believe her concerns were valid, but they were not aligned with his vision; and therein lies the problem.
When choosing someone to spend the rest of our lives with, we must be very careful not to align ourselves with someone whose visions and goals are not malleable and/or closely aligned with our own. This will cause you to be held back in life.
Here are three signs to look for in a relationship that is holding you back in life:
1. Your career goals are completely opposite. If your significant other does not have career goals and/or is not willing to support you 100 percent with your career goals, you may find yourself living in a pool of regrets when you pass up one opportunity after another to save the relationship. If your career goals are time consuming, it’s only fair to your spouse to communicate that early on in the relationship. It’s difficult to have a demanding career and spouse. If your career takes up a lot of your time, your spouse should and must find something to preoccupy his/her time.
2. Your outlook on life is completely different. If you have an extroverted personality and are very ambitious, you’ll probably have a hard time settling down with someone who is introverted and satisfied with remaining on one, stable track in life. The only way a relationship of this nature can last is if the parties involved are fully supportive of each other’s differences. But if you’re extroverted, who will you travel with? Who will you spend your time trying new restaurants with? Spending those “special” moments with someone else could lead to some complications in your relationship in the long term.
3. Your viewpoints on family are completely different. There are some people who only want to live near their family. If you’re not a product of a close-knit family and/or you are ok with moving away from family and making new friends in other cities/states/countries, you may have a hard time convincing your significant other to live anywhere that isn’t close to his/her family. Furthermore, it will be difficult to have a lasting relationship when one person desperately wants several children and the other does not. Children are expensive and consume a lot of parents’ time and energy. Not seeing eye to eye in this area could lead to frustration and many regrets.
