by Laura Berman
We all want to pleasure our partners and be stars in the bedroom, but it can get a little tricky at times. However, with this foolproof guide, fireworks won’t be far behind:
FOR HIM :
If you want to become a talented lover, there are just a few things you need to keep in mind:
Your timing and your partner’s timing might be drastically different. If men are microwaves, women are slow-burning stoves. While men can be aroused and orgasmic in 5 to 10 minutes, women can require up to 20 minutes. Keep this in mind when you are with your partner. Just because you’re revved up and ready to go doesn’t mean that she’s so eager to breeze through intercourse.
Remember that all women are not created equal. Even if your last partner enjoyed your “signature” oral maneuver, your current partner might not. Tune into her body language for clues, including her breathing, moaning, etc., to see if she’s really enjoying what you’re doing. And don’t be afraid to ask her — sometimes women need a little nudge when it comes to admitting what they want.
Don’t forget to speak up yourself! For example, if you want your partner to use a firmer touch, tell her…or better yet, show her. She can learn a lot about what you like from watching you pleasure yourself.
Compliment her. Every woman loves feeling attractive, but it is absolutely essential in bed. Let her know how sexy she is and how beautiful her body is. The more you build her up, the more confident she will be, and the more she will crave sex.
Make an effort to be romantic. Yes, it sounds so cliché, but women really do love the little things. Flowers, candy, and a nice bottle of wine are timeless, but there are other, more original things you can do, such as making sure the house is clean before she comes home from a long day at work, cooking her a special meal, or giving her a slow backrub, no strings attached.
FOR HER :
Stick with it. Even if you aren’t in the mood at first, give foreplay a chance. Before you know it, you will likely find that you actually are in the mood. Don’t write off sex as a matter of course — be open to it, even on those days when you aren’t feeling 100 percent. You might be surprised at how quickly that all changes.
Learn about your body. Your partner can’t pleasure you if you don’t even know how to pleasure yourself. Get a handheld mirror, check out your own anatomy, and become acquainted with female hotspots, such as the clitoris and G-spot. Then, you can guide your partner there easily in the heat of the moment.
Speak up. Tell your partner if you desire more foreplay, more pressure, less tongue, etc. He’s not a mind reader, but chances are you’ll only have to tell him once what you crave…after that, he’ll remember how to pleasure you just right.
Take charge of your own sexual pleasure. You can’t expect to just lie there and make your partner do all the work. Most women do not orgasm from intercourse alone, so take the initiative and stimulate yourself manually, or use a small vibrator during intercourse.
Don’t give up on pleasuring your partner. Men love oral sex, that’s a fact. Don’t hold out on him! If your jaw or neck starts to hurt, mix it up with a little manual sex along the way. Remember, you have to give a little if you want to get a little!
Voila! You are now the ideal lover.
Laura Berman, PhD is a leading sex and relationship educator and therapist, popular TV and radio host, New York Times best-selling author, and assistant clinical professor of ob-gyn and psychiatry at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University in Chicago. View more episodes of “Couples in Crisis”every Thursday at 1pm EST. This article is culled from Everyday Health.
