There are times when you want things to get a little raunchy in the bedroom…but then there are other situations when you want to turn on some Boyz II Men and cover your bed in rose petals. On those nights, use these tips from Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First, to get in touch with your more romantic side.
Clear out clutter (which can be distracting during sex), put out a couple of cute photos of you and your S.O., and ditch any scratchy decorative pillows in favor of ones that are soft and comfy. “Think about what you can do to make your bed look inviting,” says Kerner. And there’s no need to spend a lot of money to accomplish that—you could just put fresh sheets and/or a silky throw on the bed. “A little goes a long way,” says Kerner.
Whether your fantasy involves light bondage or role-play, the key here is to make sure you give your partner a starring role when you open up about it, says Kerner. “Whenever you reveal something like that, you’re putting yourself on the line and you’re showing your partner you trust them.” Very intimate.
“With sex and romance, it’s not so much about flowers and a big meal or expensive jewelry,” says Kerner. “It’s really about letting your partner now that you find him or her sexy.” Showing how excited you are to see them stripping down should get the message across. As an added bonus, they’ll be subtly encouraged to follow suit and show you how sexy they find you, too.
Because is there anything more romantic than drinking wine in bed as part of your foreplay routine? Feel free to stick with white wine if you’ve got light-colored sheets—because stressing about spills won’t exactly put you in a googly-eyed place.
Speaking of foreplay…this is the time to try something new to really make the night special: Kerner suggests giving each other a sensual massage or experimenting with a fun new sex toy. Anything you can do to show you’re putting a little extra effort into making the night memorable is perfect.
“I always tell couples to focus on the sexual novelty during foreplay, not intercourse,” says Kerner. “Frankly, you’re much more likely to have an orgasm if you’re in a position where you don’t have to think about it too much.” So rather than whipping out a brand-new position, go with what you know works tonight—whether that’s girl on top or something more classic, like missionary.
Sure, you should feel free to go to the bathroom post-sex or grab some water if you want to. But after that, Kerner suggests coming back to bed. “Obviously, the most heightened part of sex is the orgasm,” he says, “but post-sex there’s a lot of neurochemicals to enjoy—it’s a great time to think about how you can prolong the intimacy.” Whether you’re cuddling, talking, or eating a sandwich together, finding a way to enjoy each other’s company will help make the night even more romantic.
