Goodbye Men: Women Can Now Implant Vibrators Permanently Into Their Privates

Goodbye Men: Women Can Now Implant Vibrators Permanently Into Their Privates

By Your Tango on August 18, 2015

With an invention like this who needs a partner?

Tired of buying vibrators, only to make sad effort to hide them at the first sound of a doorbell? Trust us, you’re not the only one. Sex toy manufactures try helping their customers maintain a certain discretion by making vibrators smaller or shaping them as cosmetic products.

But what if you had the option to have you vibrator on — or in? — you?

Well, thanks to a new vibrator implant!

It sounds crazy, but apparently German doctors developed a V-shaped vibrating implant, that does just that.

The toy makes sure to hit the right spot, by having “clitoral legs” in order to stimulate the clitoris from within the vagina. You will be able to control it through Bluetooth technology, meaning you’d be able to control it with your smart phone or other electronic devices compatible with Bluetooth.

“The device can be used on its own for hands-free orgasms, to enhance the experience of sex with a partner, or to address a variety of sexual complaints, including unsatisfying intercourse, extended separation from a partner, or even lack of time for sex. Even better than the long-awaited ‘female Viagra,’ the toy gives women control over their arousal and pleasure.”

This goal sounds great, but is implanting a sex toy in your body really a good way to have ladies reach orgasms through intercourse?

The answer? Well, the proper response ranges from: “duh” to “hell yeah” (just saying).

As for the question we’re all dying to know — what happens when the batteries get low? Well, no worries! The implant uses body heat in to recharge. Yes, this means no more late night runs to your local pharmacy for AAA batteries although we have to wonder if our body heat can conjure up the same power as a good old-fashioned, Energizer Bunny three-pack.

Furthermore, the website reports that women stop noticing the vaginal implant after 3-4 days of use. Sounds like speedy recovery, if you ask us.

Want one?

The toy operation is an outpatient procedure, costing a grand price total of $6,500. The company offers a 20-year guarantee on the motor and covers half of the price of any upgrades that might come along (how generous).

So while some of you ladies are saving up for those sparkly, new boobs, we’ll be redirecting our 401K to this genius invention.

(In the interest of full disclosure, the information in this article is all purely a joke. Could you imagine if it was real, though?!)


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