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In Memphis, the unthinkable has happened to a teacher at Kipp Collegiate High School. According to WREG News, the woman has resigned her position after a student invaded her privacy and found nude photos of the teacher on her mobile phone and shared them with others.

A parent, Nina Handy, explained that the teacher had left her phone on the charger in the classroom and left the room. The student got the phone and went through her photos on the phone finding nude ones which he sent to himself, his friends and even several parents. Handy says the woman was a good teacher and expressed that she hated this happened to her especially since it was her first year of teaching.

School officials told WREG that it was a parent who reported the incident to the school administrators. The parent informed the school that the photos were spreading virally, like wildfire throughout the school.

Jamal McCall, executive director for Kipp Collegiate High School said that he put the teacher on administrative leave but she resigned the following day. No other actions were taken. The school did not contact the police department regarding minors having nude photos they were distributing, nor did they try to stop the photos from spreading.

“To me, the child, something should happen to him,” said parent Erica Cooper.

“That’s parenting that’s the way the kids are being raised these days.”

According to WREG, many parents are standing behind the teacher, saying she was a victim in the incident. No one seems to be pointing the finger at her for having the photos on her phone and leaving it unattended.

One student said, “She was one of my favorite teachers. I could relate to her because she was young.”

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Dried fruits

by Mike Simone and Hollis Templeton

1. Avocado

Avocados The Trent
Avocado is everywhere, and rightfully so. It’s a superfood. Each fruit is packed with 10 grams of fiber and more than twice the potassium of a banana. Avocado has been shown to lower cholesterol levels, reduce cancer and diabetes risk, and improve skin health. The drawback: Due to its high-fat content (heart-healthy monounsaturated fat is still fat) and the heavy praise avocado receives for its health benefits, it’s all too easy to go overboard. “While they’re packed with more than 20 vitamins and minerals, avocados are still calorically dense,” says Tanya Zuckerbrot, R.D., author of The Miracle Carb Diet. “Use moderation when adding them to your salads, sandwiches, and anything else.”

2. Nuts

Nuts The Trent
Hit up a sporting event or hang out at a local bar and you’re sure to come across a variety of nuts—and guys chowing down on them like they’re pieces of popcorn. It’s the perfect example of good gone bad. Like avocado, nuts are loaded with heart-healthy fats. But healthy doesn’t always mean lean. A couple of beers and a few handfuls of nuts and you’ve tallied up some serious calories. “A 1-ounce serving of nuts contains 135 calories, and how many nuts you get in a serving will depend on your nut of choice,” Zuckerbrot says. “Think about it: Would you rather have 12 cashews or 22 almonds?”

3. Protein Bars

protein bar the trent
Protein is good, right? Damn right it is. But not if it’s double-decked with ab-killers fat and sugar. Your protein-bar approach: Save them for when you’re in a jam, like when you’re traveling or out on a long hike, and in those instances eat half the serving size at a time. Rule No. 2: shop smart. Pick a bar with reduced sugar, or opt for a ready-to-drink (RTD) alternative. These products typically contain half the fat and sugar, and 100 fewer calories, compared with bars.

4. Granola and Trail Mix

Granola and Trail Mix The Trent
In theory, whole-grain, fiber-rich mixes make great on-the-go snacks. Problem is, they’re often dressed up with ingredients like honey, dried fruit, seeds, and chocolate—plus it’s hard to stick to the proper portion size. “A serving of granola is only one-quarter cup—about 4 tablespoons—which is hardly enough to keep you feeling full until lunch,” Zuckerbrot says. Your plan of attack: Again, save these convenient eats for when you’re in jam and opt for a stripped-down mix sold in a bag that contains a single serving.

5. Dried Fruit

Dried Fruit The Trent
Take all the nutrients and antioxidants from several servings of fruit and shrink them down into something that’s super easy to eat. Sounds great, right? Well, these miniature fruit snacks are often loaded with added sugar, plus it’s not out of the norm to plow through an entire bagful. Go for fresh instead. “Two tablespoons of dried cranberries or raisins have the same amount of calories as 1 cup of fresh raspberries or 1¼ cups of strawberries,” notes Zuckerbrot.

6. Chocolate

Dark Chocolate The Trent
High-cocoa chocolate contains compounds called polyphenols, which research shows may keep blood vessels dilated and help lower blood pressure. But before making a daily habit of the dark sweets, be mindful that along with cocoa comes saturated fat and sugar. “You may think it’s good for your heart, which it can be if eaten in moderation. But go overboard and you’ll get lots of calories that can pile on weight, which isn’t heart healthy at all,” Zuckerbrot says. Look for brands with the highest percentage of cocoa and opt for smaller packages versus the temptation of larger bars.

7. Gluten-Free Foods

Gluten Free Food The Trent
Even if you don’t have a wheat allergy, you may be drawn to gluten-free versions of pizza, pasta and pancake mix because they just sound healthier. But get this: “Many gluten-free products actually have more calories than similar versions that contain gluten,” warns Zuckerbrot. “Ingredients such as cornstarch and brown rice flour, which are used by manufacturers to mimic the texture and taste of gluten, are more calorically dense than the ingredients they replace.” Your best bet: stick to whole foods that are naturally gluten-free, like quinoa.

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Isaac Anya Ojiabo accused of stabbing his mother to death
Isaac Anya Ojiabo accused of stabbing his mother to death

A 20-year-old Nigerian boy has been apprehended for allegedly stabbing his mother to death in their home in Forest Hill, Baltimore, USA.

Isaac Anya Ojiabo Jr.allegedly stabbed his mother, Joy Ojiabo, on Wednesday January 29th 2014 and was in hiding until the police arrested him the following day.

He was taken into custody after the police found him in his SUV around his neighbourhood at about 5 a.m. Thursday morning.

Baltimore Sun reports:

His mother, 51-year-old Joy Ojiabo, was found dead in the 1600 block of Rushing Stream Court; she had been stabbed in the chest, Hopkins said.

Joy Ojiabo’s husband, Anya Ojiabo, found her in a room on the second floor, Hopkins said. Her body was taken to the Office of the Chief Examiner in Baltimore for an autopsy.

Investigators had been searching for Ojiabo overnight following after the stabbing, which was reported shortly before 5:30 p.m.

Issac Ojiabo Jr. has been charged with first- and second-degree murder and assault with a deadly weapon.

A motive has not been identified, but Hopkins said there is a history of domestic problems at the house.

Police were sent to the residence in March for a “verbal family argument,” and in September and December for two alleged fights between mother and son, Hopkins said.

The killing is Harford’s first homicide in 2014.

Ojiabo is being held without bail at the Harford County Detention Center in Bel Air. He did not appear for a bail review hearing in Harford County District Court Thursday.

The relatively new Morning Brook Farm neighborhood where the stabbing occurred is off Morse Road and consists of large single family homes.

According to state tax records, Isaac Ojiabo Sr. and Joy Ojiabo acquired their 6,100-square-foot home from builder Toll Brothers in November 2007, paying $1,032,847 for the house and one-acre lot.

Polish photographer Dariusz Klimczak constructs surreal landscapes through clever manipulation. Each image in the skilled photo editor’s growing collection is a composite of multiple elements that work in unison to present a cohesive, albeit unusual, scene. More often than not, Klimczak’s subjects are situated in deserted, barren lands that make the viewer question how any of the characters wound up in that spot.

Whether a little girl is somehow atop a massive boulder in the middle of nowhere, a disproportionately giant suitcase is being tugged by a tiny man in a desert, or a ladder is inexplicably extending from a decaying tree stump, Klimczak’s monochromatic images offer a simultaneous sense of mystery and playfulness. There’s a fantasy-filled appeal to the baffling world he has created and continues to expand.

 

Dariusz Klimczak website :: Dariusz Klimczak on Behance  :: (Via Faith is Torment)

couple sex
Photo Credit: Shutterstock

by Helen Singer Kaplan

It seems you can’t be both. The woman, who shoulders responsibility as if it were a chiffon scarf, makes top decisions and argues her way through business conferences by day couldn’t possibly be cozy, comfy and sexy by night. Or so some think.

To be successful at work is to be solitary at home, according to the conventional “folklore” of our society which says a woman only has so much effort and effectiveness, as if she were a cup containing eight ounces and no more. What she pours for one purpose is lost to the other parts of her life. Consequently, if worldly ambitions flourish, her emotions must harden and dry.

Certainly movies have reinforced this idea. Consider poor Mildred Pierce, the driving character portrayed by Joan Crawford in the forties. Separated from her husband, she baked pies to raise money, parlayed the profits into a restaurant, diversified into packaged baked goods and dedicated herself to success. Meanwhile her daughter Veda was having an affair with her second husband. Mildred lost business, child and spouse to discover real happiness lay with the man she’d sent away in the first place.

Does Achievement Destroy Happiness?

Handsome Man The Trent

Melodramatic, certainly, but superficial glances at the lives of prominent women seem to bear out the saga. Profiles of Prime Ministers Indira Gandhi and Golda Meir reveal that as their political success increased, husbands faded from their lives. Ambitious Coco Chanel twice spurned the intimacy of marriage, rejecting English industrialist Boy Capel and the Duke of Westminster, to wrest fame and financial security on her own.

Such examples feed the myth that achievement destroys a woman’s chance for a happy sex life. Nothing could be further from the truth. My personal experience as well as my years as a medical doctor, analyst and sex therapist have taught me that a career, especially a gratifying and successful career, can improve one’s sex life, a term I use to include not just the physical functions of orgasm, but emotional satisfaction, too.

The working woman who likes her job, does well at it and uses her intellectual capacities with pleasure had interesting things to share with a man—the events of her day, the people she’s met, the creative process she is involved with. Her world is wider than that of the woman who stay at home and knows only about her house, shopping and, if she has them, children—all subjects which can bore others, including husbands. Also, a career makes a woman more attractive in other ways by giving her confidence, enhancing her feelings about herself, plus such practical assets as money and leisure time.

Success in business means approval from others which gives a woman confidence. Instead of being shy, she’s able to put herself in the position of meeting men and reaching out to them. She has the money to take care of her appearance, buy pretty clothes and the right cosmetics. She’s able to afford exciting vacations, good restaurants and hotels. And with money comes more leisure time because she’s able to pay others—maids, cooks and nurses—to do energy- and time-draining chores like cleaning, cooking and babysitting.

Success Anxiety

Woman Thinking The Trent

As more women pursue careers and follow up on new opportunities available to them, sex, with its implied emotional commitment, need not take second place. On the contrary, a successful woman who is also attractive, warm, sensitive and charming is highly desirable to most men. The fallacy that success will ruin sex and love life is a product of success anxiety, a prevalent creeping feeling that we aren’t allowed to have everything, that reaching success will exact a heavy toll. Success anxiety has many origins. Partially it is rooted in childhood’s double and contradictory message: Be a winner. Don’t hurt anyone. Later in life, we see that if one wins, another may lose. If we succeed, someone else may fail and suffer. We’ll hurt that person and we’ll be bad.

We are often not consciously aware of our conflicts about success. Nevertheless success anxiety can govern our lives in a most damaging manner. For example, a girl who has dates unconsciously feels guilty that her sister doesn’t; shell pick fights with her boyfriends so she stays home, too. A daughter meets a man with some of her father’s wonderful qualities but throws up obstacles to his love because she fears her mother will be jealous if she doesn’t have the “best” man for herself.

Unconsciously and unnecessarily, such women all fear success. The truth is, success-related power and money can enhance the sex life of a healthy person. We all like to know influential people and want to share their limelight, so just as women are drawn to successful men, so men are drawn to creative and productive women, provided they do not deliberately or unconsciously belittle them. In addition, success can bring a woman to the attention of men she would not meet in an obscure job. The active female attorney us likely to attract in a more significant way the businessmen and lawyers with whom she works than the secretary of her law firm.

Men and Successful Women

It is true some men initially resist the thought of a woman they love having a career. This is usually due to male insecurity. Men, whose role up to now has been to support their families and to take care of women, feel they won’t be needed anymore. A man may want to keep a woman economically independent because he thinks that’s the only way to hold her, that he has little value as a human being part from his provider role. But I have never seen a woman’s career destructive to a healthy partnership.  A love relationship is the most important ingredient is most women’s lives, yet I never hesitate to counsel a patient to develop a creative career. It may lead to a temporary stormy period with her mate, but once she demonstrates that she still values and needs him, they grow closer because they have more to share, more money for material comforts, and because success is simply attractive.

When success is the product of the healthy human desire for creative expression it is never harmful. A thriving career becomes a problem only if a woman uses that career to express hostility and contempt for others. Then “success” can be truly destructive.

Workaholism—For Men Only?

Office Romance The Trent

It may sometimes appear that the upward-bound business or professional person is unable to find time for social and family life. The truth is, such people are afraid. Fearing sex and personal involvement, they throw themselves into a job to the exclusion of all else. They hide from themselves and others in devotion to career. Up to now this has most often been true of men who are afraid to be found inadequate in bed or to commit themselves to a woman or to risk being hurt. They labor nine or ten hours a day, take business calls at home, and socialize exclusively with business acquaintances during the week, then head for the golf course on Saturdays and Sundays, determined to be a club champion. Seeking to foster a prosperous image, they acquire cars, money, clothes and prestigious homes, not for the pleasure such things bring, but because they are the trappings of success. It’s true they accomplish a lot, but they hide their human needs by getting overly involved in the pursuit of power.

Fewer women fit this pattern, because most were cut off from corridors of power, and felt limited to marriage, home and family. Even if they feared sex and emotional attachment to a male, they forced themselves to adapt to that life.

Now that there are fewer pressures to marry, women who fear love entanglements can immerse themselves in their jobs and will probably win promotions based on their dedication and hard work. Many will think they lack time for a love life, but the truth is they wont allow themselves opportunities for love and sexual intimacy. And they wont be happy.

What Success Is

Woman Professional The Trent

The truly contented person is one who has achieved true love and intimacy with another. To most, the ultimate success is sexual happiness with its sense of physical well-being and emotional commitment.

Some people wont allow themselves this happiness because they fear success. They may go after love, be seductive, make themselves attractive, say all the right things, and then, when there’s a chance of a good relationship, they panic and ruin it, or they may find themselves unable to perform sexually.

In sex therapy, we deal with the problems created by unconscious fears of love and sexual success. This can uncover deeper emotional conflicts. For example, some are so frightened of attaining success that they unwittingly sabotage themselves just as they’re about to achieve whatever they prize. I call this last-inch success anxiety. They’ll strive up a mountain and then within inches of the top, they’ll turn back. An employee may work months for a raise and just before it comes through, fight with the boss. Someone else may want to be named company president, work long hours for years, cultivate the right people, pattern his or her life around this goal, then just before an appointment is assured, have a nervous breakdown.

Similarly, if frightened by sexual success, women can stop themselves just before they reach orgasm. In sex therapy we help the majority in a relatively short time. The problem is some women feel orgasm is total surrender to their partner; they fear letting go and losing control. Some also fear orgasm because they feel it would transform their lives into total success.

I treated one patient, a real estate agent in her mid-thirties who was similarly troubled, by explaining she was physically fine, but cautioning, “orgasm is just a simple muscle reflex. It won’t change anything else about your life. You won’t have a better marriage, you won’t make a larger salary or stop arguing with your brother, and your children will still get on your nerves. All it means is that your life will improve in just one area.”

Once she accepted the notion that orgasm didn’t mean total success, she was able to reach a climax. She realized she had long feared attaining her goals, reexamined her life, and decided to study law. She’s now a prominent attorney and this illustrates beautifully the point that success isn’t incompatible with sex. In fact, success enhances sex, because the fact is, no matter how much we think we want fame, money and power, most of us really want a loving sexual relationships more than anything else.

Striving for success never leads a healthy person to avoid bed. For whether a human being realizes the truth of the situation consciously or not, to actually achieve a creative, intimate and joyful love relationship is to experience complete success in the truest sense of the word.

Culled from Harper’s BAZAAR Magazine

Singer Kelly Rowland

by Brenda Barron

The midsection is a troublesome area of the body for a lot of people looking to lose weight. Belly fat tends to accumulate, and once it’s there, it’s hard to get rid of. However, you can slim down your belly fat to some extent, even within a week, just by making a few simple lifestyle changes.

Step 1
Eat foods that encourage your body to get rid of belly fat. Of course, you should be eating fresh vegetables, fruits and lean sources of protein like fish and drinking plenty of water, but you can do more for your weight-loss efforts by incorporating specific foods into your diet. For instance, soybeans contain lecithin, which makes it hard for your body to absorb fat, and vitamin C from citrus fruits helps your body burn fat more efficiently.

Step 2
Cut out any food that encourages your body to hold onto fat in the midsection. A few primary offenders include alcohol and caffeine. These substances make your body retain water, which often accumulates most at your gut. To get your belly fat down within a week, cutting out these items will help you lose water weight and some of that bloat. Also consider nixing complex carbs from pasta and bread. These foods are hard to process, often leaving fat behind in your body.

Step 3
Get your heart rate up for at least 30 minutes a day. If you don’t make a habit of exercising, the inclusion of a workout in your day will help you burn calories right from the start. Not to mention, cardiovascular exercises like jogging, biking or swimming are good for your heart and help stave off diseases like diabetes and heart disease. Those are benefits that extend well beyond shedding a few pounds from your middle.

Step 4
Perform crunches every morning and night. It might be tough at first, but committing to doing at least 10 crunches when you wake up and before you go to bed can tone your abdominal muscles, so once the belly fat comes off, toned abs will be revealed. Increase the number of repetitions you complete as you build strength in your abdomen.

Step 5
Tone your lower abdominal muscles with leg lifts. When lying on your back, squeeze your thighs together and lift your legs slightly off the ground. Hold for a moment before returning to the starting position. Leg lifts tighten and firm up your lower abdominal muscles, which is often a trouble spot for people looking to slim down their midsection. Start out doing five repetitions, and increase that number as you gain confidence in the exercise.

(Via Live Strong)

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green tea

People with diabetes, deal with health problems every single day. If diabetes is poorly controlled or left untreated, it may lead to blindness, kidney disease, blood vessel damage, infection, heart disease, nerve damage, high blood pressure, stroke, limb amputation, and coma. We give you the list of home remedies for diabetes that includes food remedies for weight control and blood sugar levels.

1. Natural uncooked food: Natural uncooked food is the best medicine for all types of diseases. They have got their own enzymes. They are not diluted with chemicals. Food such as sprouts, fruits, juices, nuts and so on can be taken raw. Eating a diet rich in fibre helps the body to absorb sugars slowly, which in turn keeps blood sugar levels balanced. Soluble type of fibre does the best job of stabilising blood sugar levels. Apples, apricots, beets, berries, carrots, citrus fruits, parsnips, and winter squash are some fruits and vegetables which are rich in soluble fibre. Soluble fibre is also helpful in lowering elevated LDL cholesterol levels, a serious problem in many people with diabetes.

2. Whole sum diet: Diet which is a combination of vegetables and fruits get a rich array of antioxidants such as vitamin C. Antioxidants prevents the oxidation and damage of artery walls, which otherwise can lead to plaque build-up and heart disease.

3. Exercise: Exercise has the potential to control the diabetes by nonmedical means. It reduces the severity of the disease and significantly reduces the risk of long-term complications. The energy needed for exercise can help people to lose weight which helps to take some of the risk related to central obesity. Exercise is known to increase insulin sensitivity which essentially helps to tackle the root cause of type 2 diabetes. Also, regular exercise can also help to reduce cholesterol levels and help people to reduce high blood pressure. Even a little extra activity each day can help.

4. Meditation: Meditation lowers the insulin resistance in our body. Stress hormones such as cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenalin intensify the production of insulin and glucose levels. Reducing these neurohormones through the Transcendental Meditation technique helps to balance glucose and insulin in the blood. This helps to normalize metabolic syndrome and diabetes.

5. Basil leaves: Basil leaves have power to lower blood sugar levels. Basil leaves contain potent antioxidants that relieve oxidative stress; it’s this stress that compounds problems in diabetics.

6. Cactus juice and flax seeds: Cactus juice from is also helpful. Cactus juice can help decrease and stabilize blood glucose and insulin levels. Consuming flax seed reduces postprandial sugar level by 28 per cent.

7. Leaves of bilberry plant and cinnamon: The leaves of the bilberry plant are known to lower blood sugar levels. Also, 1gram cinnamon in the diet for a month lowers the blood sugar levels

8. Green tea: This tea is unfermented and hence has high polyphenol content, which has strong antioxidant and hypoglycaemic effects. The polyphenols help in a controlled release of blood sugars.

9. Drumstick leaves: The fibre content in the leaves increases satiety and slows the breakdown of food.

10. Isabgol: Also known as psyllium husk is often used as a laxative. When isabgol comes in contact with water, it swells to form a gel-like substance. This slows the breakdown and absorption of blood glucose. Metformin, a drug commonly used in diabetic treatment, can upset your stomach for which isabgol works as a save guard.

11. Reiki: Reiki is more effective than any other dummy treatment at improving the health. It balances the sugar level and natural energy flow in the body.

12. Reflexology: Reflexology can enhance the production of insulin by helping the cells that produce insulin in the body. It is done by working on the pancreas and generally the endocrine (hormonal) system .The liver would be another key area to work on through reflexology, due to its processing functions being affected by an increase in blood sugar levels.

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therapist
Stock Image

If you’ve ever known someone with depression or have battled it yourself, you’re deeply aware of the accidental insensitivity that can often come with it. For those who may not understand the complexities, it’s easy to say things that have the potential to do more harm than good.

While the U.S. has one of the lower clinical depression rates in the world, the number of people it has an impact on is still significant. An estimated 1 in 10 Americans suffer yearly from the illness.

So how can we help someone who may be affected? According to Dr. Adam Kaplin, an associate professor in the departments of psychiatry and neurology at Johns Hopkins University, it’s not just your words, but your actions that can be the most supportive.

“It’s best not to say anything that is going to make them think that what they’re dealing with is because of a lack of coping skills, personal weakness or a character flaw,” Kaplin tells The Huffington Post. “The worst part of depression is that it narrows the field of vision into a very small tube so they can’t see the options. A lot of [the goal of helping] is giving people a hope that things will get better.”

Kaplin advises that while every case is different, there are some general principles to follow when it comes to helping those who find themselves in this situation. Below find the six things people shouldn’t say to someone with depression.

1. “I know how you feel.”
know how you feel

Empathy is a great trait to possess, but in certain cases it’s best not to try to relate if you really don’t know what the other person is going through, Kaplin says. If you do have experience with depression, it may help to share with them that they’re not alone — as long as you’re not making the conversation completely about you. “Each person experiences depression in their own way,” Kaplin explained. “Telling someone you know… invalidates what they’re going through so just saying ‘that must be difficult’ validates that they’re having a hard time and their suffering is real.”

2. “Suck it up.”
suck it up

You may not intend to trivialize someone’s condition — but with phrases like “suck it up” or “just be positive,” you may be doing just that. “What [most people don’t realize] about depression is that it’s debilitating to concentration, focus and sleep. It changes lives and people get off of trajectory of where they’re heading,” Kaplin explains.

Kaplin says that it’s crucial not to underestimate the impact of depression. Approximately 20 million American adults suffer from mood disorders in a given year.

3. “Cheer up.”
cheer up

“The phrase ‘cheer up’ is like a close cousin of ‘suck it up,'” Kaplin says. Telling someone to be cheery isn’t going to do much — in fact, it may make them feel worse. Kaplin suggests instead of advising them to perk up, try just offering your presence. “Just listening to what that person is going through and saying something like, ‘Wow that must be hard,’ gives them validation that it’s a difficult time. If they could cheer up, they would have by now.”

4. “You have to be strong for your kids.”
kids

When trying to comfort someone with depression when children are involved, the process may be a little bit trickier. Kaplin explains that while you may think you are helping out by giving advice about the kids — or even offering to help by watching them for a few hours — it may be misinterpreted. “They may be sensitive to that and think, ‘Oh, she thinks I am a terrible parent,'” he says. “I think there are ways to help and put it in a way that is sensitive to those thoughts.”

If you are trying to help with the kids, Kaplin suggests offering to plan an outing for your family and their family, and keep it as an open invitation. “This way, you aren’t accusing anything, you’re just trying to be helpful [while remaining] diplomatic and leaving them a choice [to accept or decline].”

5. “It’s all in your head.”
all in head

Like “suck it up,” this also falls into the territory of minimizing what may be going on — and it may not be entirely possible to just “think your way” out of depression. In a 2011 blog post on Psychology Today, licensed psychologist Dr. Clifford Lazarus explains why actions, not just thoughts, are key to overcoming the illness:

One of the most effective psychological therapies for depression is called “Cognitive Therapy” (CT) that aims to alleviate depression by changing people’s thoughts from negative biases to more positive patterns. Ironically, despite extensive research and clinical experience that would seem to validate CT’s effectiveness, simply combating negative thoughts and replacing them with more rational beliefs rarely helps depression.This is not really surprising when you consider that you can’t simply talk people out of, or have them just think themselves out of, phobias, right? To truly conquer a phobic reaction a person must face, approach and confront the fear — that is, he or she must take behavioral steps and specific actions, not merely think about it differently or just acknowledge that the fear is irrational. Similarly, challenging irrational beliefs, focusing on more positive thoughts, and trying to change depressive, cognitive schemas is not very likely to shift one’s mood out of depression. What will do the trick, however, is to change how one acts.

When it comes to a loved one with depression, Kaplin says it can often feel like you’ve done something wrong and you’re being shut out, but just realize that it’s nothing personal. “It can feel like that person is cold and isolated and it feels that way because that illness has isolated that person from their own feelings,” Kaplin says. “[As they overcome depression], their tunnel vision begins to expand and they’re able to see more possibilities. As people get better, their world will broaden.”

6. “Just think — there are others who have it worse than you do.”
worse than you

While you may be trying to put things into perspective, it may not be received that way. “[The key] is to recognize their suffering as opposed to being dismissive,” Kaplin says. “With a phrase like this, there may be an underlying issue in that we don’t really know what to say, so we’re trying to make ourselves feel better by trying to make the person suffering feel better.”

Kaplan suggests that instead of offering perspective, just saying nothing or hanging out with someone for a little while may be a good idea. “A lot of times it’s just recognizing that you can’t always take someone’s pain away, so it’s just a matter of being comforting,” he says. “There are certain messages that you do want to put forward. Just knowing that you’re not alone is half battle when it comes to depression, so just being there and connecting will help.”

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Dr Sid
Dr Sid

Mavin artiste Dr Sid took us down memory lane as he shared an image of what he looked like in his younger years before he became richer and famous.

Sidney Onoriode Esiri known as Dr Sid shared the picmix on his Instagram page with the hashtag ‘Surulere’.

Pictured left is Sidney Onoriode Esiri and right is the recent Dr Sid whom we know and love.

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friends with benefits COVID-19, Cyber tips, Couple Laptop Happy Smiling the Trent

So you’ve read his profile, and he seems like a great catch…but how can you be sure?  I’m sure you’ve heard that in order to find love, you should throw out your “checklist” – you know, that laundry list of items in the back of your mind that describe your ideal man. Maybe you’ve also heard the opposite: That you SHOULD have a detailed breakdown of what’s important to you so that you can attract such a man into your life…and keep out the guys who’ll eventually let you down.

What I’m going to offer you here is something a little different – a few key items that will help you determine if the guy sitting across from you on a date is a quality man who is capable of a commitment.

HIS MATURITY LEVEL

What I’m referring to here is “emotional” maturity. You can find out about this rather quickly when you meet a guy simply by observing how he reacts to things and how he treats the people around him. If you’re at a restaurant, for example, and they’re taking a bit longer to get you your table, does he take it in stride, or does he start to lose his temper? Even when people are on their best behavior, it’s hard to hide long-standing habits, so watch what he does in a variety of situations.

You can also get a good read on his emotional maturity level by seeing how he responds to stress. Does it overwhelm him to the point that he shuts you out? Or is he able to take care of what’s going on and communicate what he needs?

HIS LIFE STAGE

An easy way to find out about this is to ask a man questions about his career. How does he feel about it? Does he talk with excitement about his job, or does he seem worn down and unmotivated?

Many men, as you probably know, derive a big chunk of their identity from what they do for a living. If a man is creating, producing, or contributing in some way, he’s more likely to feel satisfied in his life. As a result, he’s able to be a better partner…and he’ll have the focus and energy to give what a relationship requires.

HIS PURPOSE

Is he in service to things bigger than himself in the world? What is he committed to outside of you?

Whether it’s being part of a sports team, volunteering, or doing something artistic, ask yourself if a man’s interests are in line with your personal values. The fact that he can give of himself to something is a good indication that he’ll be giving inside a relationship, too.

HIS PEERS

Did you know that the majority of guys who get married had a friend who got married within the last year?

You really can learn so much about a man by who he spends time with. So ask him about them. Does he have mature people around him who share your values and are committed to his growth? Does he keep relationships, and does he care about others? If he has good friendships, he’s going to love telling you about them.

HIS AVAILABILITY

As you may have sadly found out, “single” does not always mean “available.” He could be holding ties to an ex-partner, be so consumed with work that he has no room in his life for someone else, or he’s not really looking for a serious relationship.

The best way to find out? Simply ask him. It’s a lot less scary to do this when you’re just getting to know a guy – and a lot less painful than finding out later.

YOUR GUT FEELING

I’m willing to bet you have a gut feeling that tells you intuitively where a guy’s at with all of the above, but the “connection” you feel might make you think, “Well, yeah, but that’s okay. He makes me feel great right now.” Well, right now he does. But what happens after you’ve invested your heart and your time in him only to finally realize that he simply can’t meet what you need? Which brings me to…

The best qualifier if you want a great relationship is communicating your own needs and desires. It’s not your job to get into his head when you meet a man. So communicating your needs is the most powerful qualifier, as well as continuing to respect yourself so that a man respects those needs, listens to them, and understands you.

An easy way to practice this – and you can say it in a casual way, is: “I know I need to be in a relationship where…” And then say what’s important to you, whether it’s exclusivity, or a relationship that is moving toward commitment. Men respond very well to this. This isn’t being needy or throwing down the gauntlet. You’re just stating your needs. The reason this is such a powerful qualifier is that you’ll get to see how a man responds to this – if he even understands and cares what you’re talking about.

When you communicate your needs rather than try to fit into his, YOU become the creator of your love life rather than sitting back and passively try to read his mind. And the man who respects you for it is a quality man.

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