Unrequited love is something that most people will experience at least once in their lifetime. There are many songs, movies, poems and quotes about it, including this one:
“Love is a painful feeling when it is not shared by the one who inspires it.” Choderlos De Laclos, “Les Liaisons Dangereuses”
Unrequited love can be painful, and even cause depression and health problems.
But unrequited love doesn’t need to be like that. In fact, the pain is self-inflicted, and even avoidable if you know how to handle it.
Here are five tips to avoid the pain of unrequited love:
1) Pay attention. There’s a big difference between politeness and genuine attraction. If he intentionally misleads you, that’s different and of course you’re going to experience heartache. But if you pay attention, you should be able to tell if he is interested in you or not. Notice how he responds to you. Tune in to the feeling you have about him. Not your feelings for him, but the feeling you have about the connection. Put yourself in his position and sense how he feels.
2) Accept it. Once you realize that it’s a case of unrequited love, you need to accept it. Try not to take it personally. Good love chemistry between two people is either there or it isn’t, and if it’s not, there’s not much you can do about it, aside from becoming the best person you can so you’re ready in the future for a mutual love match.
3) Let go. After you accept that it’s unrequited love, it’s time to let go. DO NOT make the mistake of pursuing her relentlessly, just like in romantic movies or novels, hoping she’ll change her mind. She is not an object that will be rewarded to you if you prove your eternal love for her. If you refuse to let go, you’ll just be torturing yourself and appear like a child who can’t have what he wants, a stalker, or worse.
4) Consider why you fell for someone who is not interested or available. Sometimes the subconscious mind targets people you can’t have because it’s safer. Maybe you don’t feel ready, on some level, for a serious relationship. Other times, it might be karmic or a learning experience. Conversely, everyone has, at times, a lapse in judgement, and maybe you were projecting your romantic wishes onto him (which is very common), or didn’t see him as he really was (even more common). The good news is that you’re now more experienced and better prepared for a compatible match in the future.
5) Be excited about the future. The only good thing about unrequited love is that it frees you to look forward to future possibilities that will be mutual matches. Yes, that’s right- plural- you have many soul mates!