Are you looking for a girlfriend, but end up dating women who aren’t relationship material? Yeah, you’re not alone. We got Nick Savoy, an instructor with Love Systems, to share some of his formula for meeting and dating quality women. Savoy has coached over 10,000 men over the past 10 years, and their goals have ranged from hooking up with porn stars to marrying their dream girl. He’s seen what works and what doesn’t, and for relationship-minded men, he has 10 rules to live by.
Rule #1: Go to the source.
Give yourself a chance to meet the kind of women you like. If you’re out at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday night, you’re going to meet party girls. Sure, all kinds of women go out sometimes, but why not go where the odds are more in your favor?
Imagine your ideal girlfriend. Now imagine her day-to-day life. Where could your life and hers intersect? Women who like to read will be at book clubs and bookstores. Women who love the outdoors will be hiking or at the park. And so on.
Rule #2: Ask yourself: Doth the lady protest too much?
Unfortunately, there’s a bit of hypocrisy in all of us. We’re more likely to accuse others of faults we have in ourselves, and to do so much more strongly. E.g., someone who is cheating is much more likely to be suspicious of their partner than someone who is faithful.
Of course, there are lots of reasons why someone might be sensitive about a particular issue. But if you can’t find any explanation, then she might be projecting her own issues.
Rule #3: Avoid women who don’t have close female friends.
It’s weird if all of your friends are of the opposite sex. For women, it suggests that she’s trading on her sexuality to make friends, and that other women don’t see anything valuable in her.
It’s OK for her to have male friends, and it’s even OK if most of her friends happen to be male, especially if her work or hobbies tend to be male-dominated. But in my experience, women who don’t have any close female friends are almost always bad news.
Rule #4: Hang out with women who fit your criteria even if they’re attached or not interested in dating you.
Swallow your pride if she’s taken or says “let’s just be friends.” Be friends with her.
People generally spend time with people who are like them (e.g., attractiveness, age, social status, values, etc.). Your dream girl is probably friends with women who are like her in some way. Even if the woman in front of you isn’t going to be your love connection, she might be the one who leads you there.
Rule #5: Watch her eyes.
There was a study where researchers predicted if a couple would stay together for the next five years, just by observing them for fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes! That’s barely enough time to save 15% on car insurance, let alone to project two people’s relationship history five years into the future.
Yet, they were incredibly successful. All they did was watch both people’s eyes. Couples who rolled their eyes at each other were doomed. The rest were not.
Bonus–you can often tell if someone is lying just by watching their eyes.
Rule #6: Those who ignore the past are condemned to re-live it.
I’m paraphrasing this aphorism about history because it works just as well–or better–for relationships.
When researching my Relationship Management Course, I discovered something that in retrospect is very obvious, but that few men take advantage of: The biggest predictor of female infidelity is whether she’s cheated in the past.
Ask about her history early, when you’re likeliest to get an honest answer. Be understanding of the “cheat-then-breakup” many women do when they’re leaving a doomed relationship. And then make your own judgments from there.
Rule #7: Meet her friends.
Did we just say that people tend to make friends with people who are like them? Use this to your advantage. Meet her friends; if there’s about their values or behavior that you don’t like, it’s reasonable to wonder what she’s like when she’s not with you.
In general, the more connected you are to her life, the less likely you are to be blindsided. Don’t believe everything you hear and don’t go looking for gossip, but it wouldn’t be the first time that a man found out his partner’s secrets from one her friends, accidentally or otherwise.
Rule #8: Date more than one woman–until you commit.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, date multiple women at the same time. I know this contradicts conventional wisdom, but it’s incredibly important.
Everyone has times when they want to feel close to someone, feel romantic, feel connected, and so on. If there’s only one person in your life who you can apply those feelings to, you risk coming off as clingy or needy–without even knowing you’re doing it. It’s something I’ve seen a thousand times.
Date multiple women until you find the one. Then you’re choosing to be with her, instead of choosing not to be alone.
Rule #9: Ignore the bullshit that doesn’t matter.
Ignore stuff that has nothing to do with her values, like how she dresses. I’ve had very conservatively-dressed women proposition me in the most blatant ways imaginable, even with unknowing husbands in the room, and I have friends who sometimes go out in outfits that would make a stripper blush—and they’re amazing and loyal girlfriends.
Look, if you care about how she dresses (and most men do, just like she’ll care about how you dress), that’s fine. But it’s a fashion issue, not a moral one.
Rule #10: Man up and take control of your life.
The more you improve yourself, the more women will be interested in you. If you’ve set your sights high and want an awesome girlfriend (and why shouldn’t you), then realize that she probably wants an awesome boyfriend. What could you change to make yourself an even better catch? Go do it.