There are three words that describe how to build trust in a relationship. They are: Patience, Love, and Compassion. Trust does not happen without these three ingredients. I like to refer to them as PLC.
Patience is the bearing of annoyance, without complaint, loss of temper, or irritation.
Love is joy and life.
Compassion is to “feel together” and desire to alleviate suffering
Sometimes we think that trust should be an automatic, and sometimes it is. However there are those times when we feel ill-at ease about something and may not always know the reason why. Sometimes these feelings we can’t explain can cause us to not trust a matter.
Whether these feelings are an internal signal letting us know to beware or whether they are just our own paranoia, the fact of the matter is we should never ignore our feelings, or the feelings of our mate. What a person feels is their truth. In order to have a successful and healthy relationship, a person must confront their truth. Yet in order to do so their truth must be exposed. This is where trust comes in.
Often people in relationships wear masks. They hide their true feelings to protect their heart from getting hurt or their minds blown, sometimes understandably so. However, exposing your truth is about setting forth that which is behind the mask. It is necessary for couples to unmask their true feelings with one another and lay it open on the table to deal with. It might be difficult, but it builds trust.
If you are one of those people who think you can build trust in your relationship, yet continuously hold your cards close to your heart and away from the one you are in the relationship with, you are highly mistaken. That is definitely a miscalculation. That kind of behaviour does exactly the opposite. It raises questions in the other person’s mind, and actually diminishes trust. Almost always the other person feels as if you are hiding something; and the fact of the matter is, you are.
Relationships require trust in order to thrive. Yet, there are many degrees of trust that are built over time and no matter how much you may want to trust a person or no matter how much you want someone to trust you, the truth is, there are behaviours that build trust and then there are behaviours that breaks it. How are you behaving?
Trust is not an easy thing to build in the first place. But it is much harder to rebuild once it’s lost. If you want to have a trusting and loving relationship, start out by patiently, lovingly, and compassionately communicating with your mate. Patience helps you to continue the process, even when it is very difficult to do so. Love helps you to overcome the challenges and break through the barriers of communicating when you are angry, afraid, or hurt. It also serves as an ever present reminder of why you are communicating in the first place. Compassion helps you to empathize and sympathize with your mate. It helps you to feel how they feel even when you don’t understand and work to help alleviate their discomfort.
Trust in a relationship is not only about trusting that they will not betray you or stray from the relationship. Trust is also about building a confidence in a person over time where you know without a doubt that your heart and mind are in a safe space, cared for, and protected. Real bona-fide trust comes into play because there are certain courses of actions and behaviours taking place which builds your mates confidence in you. So when things get a little shaky, remember to give a little PLC!
10 Ways to Build Trust in Your Relationship
- Communicate openly and be transparent.
- Keep your word and your promises.
- Share in the responsibility and the rewards.
- Consult with your mate.
- Include your mate in important discussions and decisions.
- Make your mate the priority; demonstrate that he/she is number one after the Creator.
- Take the time to clear up any misunderstanding or misgivings.
- Show appreciation in the smallest and simplest of ways.
- Take the time to get to know what your mate likes and even dislikes.
- Understand that your mate, like you, have issues and he/she is still the apple of your eye.
(Via Black Life Coaches)