As if moving into a shared house wasn’t already fraught with danger (what if someone leaves passive aggressive post-it notes? Whose are those pubes in the shower?), there’s also the chance that you could end up living with someone you fancy.
We all know the sensible thing to do would be to ignore any feelings of lust that occur during flatmate-bonding Netflix sessions. And hi-five to you if you’ve managed to do that.
But if the ship has sailed, bedrooms have been snuck into and boundaries broken, here are the things you need to consider if you’re going to shag someone you live with.
1. It will feel great because it’s off limits
Everyone loves a secret liaison. Having to wait for your flatmates to leave the room before you pounce on each other, while mentally repeating to yourself that it’s a terrible idea, makes it feel like star-crossed lovers in a TV-only period drama, rather than two people trying not to get sex juice on the sofa.
2. Your other flatmates definitely don’t want to hear it
And you couldn’t be more aware. Every creak, bump and moan will make you wonder if poor Rosie across the corridor is reaching for her headphones and shuddering.
3. Alcohol is your worst enemy.
You both know it wasn’t really the beer that made you fall over and land on top of each other, but it’s a good excuse.
4. You’ll agree to stop doing it, but it won’t last
Awful idea, you said. Can only end badly, you said. So why are you naked?
5. No matter how secret you think you’re keeping it, your flatmates probably know
Whether it’s a creaky floorboard as you cross the landing to each other’s bedrooms or the sexual tension so strong it could be felt by the next-door-but-one neighbour, you’re not being as discrete as you think.
6. Your mates will give conflicting advice
Some will think you should go for it and see what happens, while others foresee disaster. Trouble is, they’ve both got a point.
7. You’ll have all-consuming moments of panic
What if the other flatmates tell us both to move out? What if we hate each other so much we can’t even share tea bags? What if someone starts to get *whispers* attached? Should you just move out? Leave the country? Become a nun?
8. You should probably sit down and talk about it
Acknowledging that you’re sleeping with each other in a less-than-ideal situation is the first step. How you deal with it isn’t so easy, so you decide to fantasise instead that you met down the pub and it’s all fine. That isn’t helpful.
9. It’s a bit Fifty Shades, but writing some rules is a good idea.
If you’ve read numbers one to ten and STILL aren’t put off, then you really need to decide what is and isn’t OK in your housemate-sex-buddy sitch. Seriously, pretend it’s the apocalypse and plan for every eventuality.
10. If you start getting feels, admit it
That’s the time you need to decide whether you’re packing it in, packing a suitcase and moving out, or embracing the situation and falling madly in love. If you go for option three, it might be a good time to inform your fellow housemates.
11. Whatever happens, you still have to live together
Well, you don’t HAVE to, but house-hunting is a massive ball ache. It’s in your best interests not to piss each other off.
