One of the best things about marriage is the comfort level you get to with a person who knows you both inside and out. After 10 years of marriage, I can officially say that I have done most things in front of my husband, including shower, pee, have babies, laugh until soda came out of my nose, and sleep. But there are still a few things I will never do in front of him.
It’s not that we aren’t intimate. We are. Deeply. But I am someone who believes strongly in the power of distance. It makes the heart grow fonder, after all. Some things are just meant to stay private. Forever.
Like pooping, for instance. There is a discussion right now on CafeMom about this, and some are in favor of pooping in front of their love, while others aren’t. For me, this is a massive no-no. Here are five things I would simply never do in front of my spouse:
Be Sick to Your Stomach
Pick Your Nose
I dry heave at the thought. We all know it has to happen sometimes. But just keep that stuff to yourself. No one’s fingers belong in anyone’s noses. The end.
Cut Your Toenails
I don’t know why, but this really skeeves me out. I don’t want to see him doing it and I will get my pedicures at the salon FAR from his prying eyes.
Pick a Wedgie
Shave Your Face
Pop a Zit
This is just a gross thing and something no one needs to see. I don’t want to see him do it and I sure as hell don’t want him to see me do it. If the bathroom door is locked, you can wait outside, honey!
I am sure there are some couples who think this is really funny and don’t mind. But if that’s not you, just don’t do it. Belching may be funny, but it’s not sexy.
This means everything. I don’t shave, wax, tweeze, or anything else in front of my man. It’s just how I roll.