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Sunday, December 3, 2023

15 Fashion Choices That Only Make Sense To You

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You’re driving everyone around you crazy. Crazy with jealousy!

People love to get all bent out of shape about your fashion choices. It’s as if they think they are so special and important that you actually took time out of your day to select an outfit just to piss them off. And now you’ve done it. They are mad. Hold-me-back-cause-I’m-about-to-lose-it mad. Not that you give a shit. Haters gonna hate. It doesn’t really have anything to do with you anyway.

1. Bare Legs in Winter


You’re thinking: What is up with all these puffer coats? It’s seriously not that cold. I’m from Canada. That’s some real cold.
Everyone around you is thinking: How are you not cold? I’m cold just looking at you. OMG, you’re doing this to make me colder, aren’t you? AREN’T YOU?!
But what they really mean is: I wish it was spring. Why isn’t it spring? Damn you, global climate change!

2. Backpacks on Public Transportation


You’re thinking: Playing Sudoku on my phone is so much easier with two hands.
Everyone around you is thinking: If that thing touches me one more time, I am going to lose my shit.
But what they really mean is: God, my shoulder hurts. I wish I could put this fucking thing down, but there is no way I’m letting my bag touch the floor.

3. Pajamas on the Plane


You’re thinking: Could I be any more comfortable right now? I’m so glad I sprung for priority boarding.
Everyone around you is thinking: What does she think this is, her bedroom?
But what they really mean is: Why didn’t I spring for a better seat? I just know I’m going to be stuck between two crying babies. And why are all those overhead bins closed? Are they full already? I am notchecking my bag. I would sooner die!

4. Matching Outfits


You’re thinking: How cute are we!
Everyone around you is thinking: Puke! Get a room, nerds!
But what they really mean is: I want love.

5. Big Umbrellas on Crowded Sidewalks


You’re thinking: Wow. I’m actually totally dry. Why did I ever waste my time with those stupid compact umbrellas in the first place?
Everyone around you is thinking: What? Does she  think she owns the sidewalk? I’m walking here! Have some consideration.
But what they really mean is: I wish I had a giant umbrella.

6. High Heels in Snow


You’re thinking: I’m glad I didn’t switch into my snow boots. They would have looked ridiculous with this outfit. Besides, I’m only going two blocks.
Everyone around you is thinking: Cocky bitch thinks she’s better than me. I hope she falls.
But what they really mean is: Heels are such a pain in the ass. But they look so good. Why? WHY?!

7. Skirts That Drag on the Ground


You’re thinking: How glamorous am I right now!
Everyone around you is thinking: That is so dirty! I swear I saw a dog pee right where she is standing just two days ago.
But what they really mean is: Should I stop wearing my shoes in the house? I can’t do that. That’s crazy. But should I? I mean, really?

8. Fashion Overalls


You’re thinking: These are so fucking cool. 
Everyone around you is thinking: How much did she pay for those? She can’t even wear those to work. YOU CAN’T EVEN WEAR THOSE TO WORK!
But what they really mean is: Business-casual is slowly killing my soul.

9. High-Heeled Rain Boots


You’re thinking: Sky-high or die!
Everyone around you is thinking: OMG. I can’t. I just can’t! It would serve her right if she fell and broke her neck.
But what they really mean is: I can barely walk in heels when it’s not raining. How is she doing that? Is she magic? I wish I were magic.

10. Headbands


You’re thinking: I have personal style out the butt!
Everyone around you is thinking: What are you doing? This is not Coachella. This is Walgreens. W A L G R E E N S !
But what they really mean is: I’m so bored. Is it me? Am I boring?

11. Shearling Boots in Spring, Summer, or Fall


You’re thinking: Cloud-soft comfort knows no season.
Everyone around you is thinking: What does she think this is? 2003? Doesn’t she own real shoes? She should be ashamed of herself.
But what they really mean is: My feet hurt.

12. Retro Dresses


You’re thinking: This dress is so much fun! God, they really had style back then.
Everyone around you is thinking: Where does she think she’s going? A costume party in the ’90s? Enjoy your swing music, hipster!
But what they really mean is: I can’t even remember the last time I didn’t order dinner on Seamless and spend the night binge-watching Netflix by myself.

13. Ass-Exposing Jean Shorts


You’re thinking: I’m sexy and I know it. Know it. Know it. I’m sexy and I know it. 
Everyone around you is thinking: Doesn’t she realize her ass is hanging out? YOUR ASS IS HANGING OUT!
But what they really mean is: I could never pull that off. Maybe at one time. But not now. Why was I so insecure when I was younger? I looked good and I didn’t even know it. Now it’s too late. When did I get so old?

14. Blanket-as-Wrap at the Office


You’re thinking: Cold. So very, very cold.
Everyone around you is thinking: Passive-aggressive drama queen. Get a sweater!
But what they really mean is:  I’m finally comfortable. For once. I really hope they don’t turn up the heat. I don’t want to have to take off my sweater. That will ruin my whole look!

15. Yoga Pants Like They’re Regular Pants


You’re thinking: Soft, slimming, and I can totally hit the gym on my way home. I probably won’t, but I could. I COULD!
Everyone around you is thinking: Doesn’t she own any real pants?
But what they really mean is: The waistband on these pants is really digging in.

(via Cosmopolitan)

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