If your sex life has taken a turn for the worse, let 2016 be the year for a rediscovery of that lovin’ feeling.
Remember those wild sexual encounters you had back in your early 20s? The time you stepped out of the lift with smudged lipstick and a grin? All that might well seem like a distant dream now, thanks to our hectic lives. In the urban battle between romance and work, the latter has emerged triumphant.
Sex is an integral part of a healthy lifestyle, say relationship and sex experts. However, even though couples may have inadvertently fallen out of the habit of having regular sex, getting your sex life back on track isn’t all that challenging. Take note of these essential hacks to amp up your libido.
Set the tone
Know that when you are emotionally connected through the day, your chances of getting aroused in the night are much higher. We suggest you give out subtle hints -write a dirty note and leave it on the mirror after a hot shower. Craft love coupons on special occasions or give your partner a back rub after a long day. Gauge his or her mood and speed things up accordingly. Once you know you both are on the same page, only then take matters further.”
The transition from work mode to home mode usually takes a while.But if you are in touch with your partner in the day, making that transition at night becomes much easier,” says relationship counsellor Shruti Save. Dr Shefali Batra, relationship and wellness consult ant, advises couples to cuddle more, for a pleasurable sexual experience.”The human brain releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, nor-epinephrine and phenylephrine during sparks of physical and emotional excitement. Non-sexual physical proximity, like hugging, is associated with oxytocin release and, in turn, correlates with more passionate and fulfilling relationships. The more couples cuddle, the greater the pleasure-chemical release and deeper is the intimacy and lovemaking. Any kind of physical proximity does the trick. And it needn’t be all natural, it can be planned,” she says.
Buy a tent
Ever wondered how getting intimate on the banks of a river or in the middle of a paddy field feels like? Camping under a star-lit sky will give you a break from the humdrum of daily life and the kind of privacy you crave for. Poor to no network coverage at these campsites will stop you from constantly browsing social networking sites and push you to engage in a stimulating conversation with your partner.
The things we don’t say
Most men are still clueless about how to please their wives in bed. But keeping mum about it will only leave you angry and miserable.Clinical psychologist Nandita Sarma wonders why we easily talk about embracing marriage, parenthood, work and home, but never sex. She insists that we need to be honest with our partners about what we like and what we don’t. “Men or women watchingreading pornerotica is still considered taboo. But if two people share their tastes with each other and talk about it, it will only increase the emotional and physical intimacy. Also, with more and more women exploring their bodies and becoming comfortable with it, couples need to be aware of their sex life and make it a priority,” she says.
Twenty six-year-old Nishika Gadda* says, “I’ve always been shy and conventional, married to a man with a hypersexual appetite. In the one year that we have been married, I’ve done things I was never comfortable with, only because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or his manhood, for the lack of a better word. Faking orgasms night after night left me feeling empty.” The only way out of such a situation is to articulate your feelings in a subtle manner and tell your man what turns you on and what doesn’t.Whether you have been married for one year or 10, remember that communication is key.
Distance the domestic
Experts point out that couples suffocate each other over a period of time and that they should, consciously, give their partner space by taking solo holidays, working on projects alone and having a different set of friends. Twenty eight-year-old Prajakta Pandit* couldn’t agree more. “My husband and I worked in the same organisation but at different locations. After marriage, however, I moved to Bengaluru. Initially I was quite kicked about travelling, working and lunching with him. But I soon got tired of doing the same thing and hanging out with the same people, not to mention the differences that began cropping up,” she says. When you stay together all the time, there’s very little to talk about and you eventually get bored of each other. Nurturing a different set of interests and having your own bunch of friends will make you feel more independent, and that will keep the spark alive.