Things were going swimmingly well until your last outburst. He has suddenly gone into a shell and snapped all communication with you.
You fear having meandered into a forbidden territory, and that things might never be the same again. But still can’t point at what exactly went wrong?
One scathing remark is all it takes to shut him down, so even while you are in the middle of a serious fight, remember your vocabulary is key. Jesting about his mom, reminding him of an ex, are just some of the terrible things you can ever say to him. And in so doing create lasting scars in your relationship. We list six awful phrases that turn him red in the face, and need to be done away with…pronto.
‘Look how smart my brother is, you can never be like him’
Comparisons drive men away! So, simply stop making them, even if they are genuine. Particularly comparisons with your brother, father or worst of all another guy friend can trigger resentment in him. Feels Santosh Krishna, a software engineer, “As long it is a fair argument, I am all for it. But the moment my wife brings her father or brother in the frame, I withdraw. It is extremely demeaning for a guy who is doing his two bit to make her happy.”
Agreed, he may not have control over situations the way your father does and usually fidgets his way out, but never insult him by telling him so, even in the most deranged of moments.
‘I just know you can’t get over her’
If you think this is the best way of getting back at him, then think again. Fine, you want to find out a few intimate details about his past life, but just watch out – never force your way through. He shall not take such an intrusion kindly. Furthermore, it’ll only distance you from him, and he might think of you as someone very insecure in relationships. It’s best to leave it at that and save him the discomfort. On many instances you end up reminding him fondly of an ex. So, simply steer clear of the subject. If it is out of bounds, so be it.
Chips in Ashrita Reys doing her masters in English, “I had a bad fight with my boyfriend once and accused him of still loving an ex. He gave me a glowering look and offered to drop me back home. It was strange, hadn’t thought he would take serious offence.”
‘God, how much money do you blow on your friends!’
Remember, they are ‘His’ friends, and he shall splurge on him as he desires. Your constant reminders can make him jerky, and one day he might simply stop sharing money matters with you. Guys hate to be told how to spend, especially on their friends. And if you are having trouble with his spending ways, tell him so in other words, but never accusingly. “My boyfriend always ends up paying up for dinner, drinks etc when he is out with his friends. Oddly, they never even offer and he is okay with it. But gets annoyed when I tell him not to do so,” says Sunaina Verma, a travel consultant.
For him, money is one thing and friends another. He will take you as a friendship breaker if you attempted to blend the two together. So, save your lecture on managing finances for another occasion!
‘What’s with your mom, does she always have a poker face’
He may have promised you the moon and the stars and to love you till the end of the world, but one snide remark directed at his mom can suddenly turn you into a villain. Yes, that is one relationship he jealously guards, and shall not let even you meddle with. His mom’s cold indifference or those long glances may have you squirming in discomfiture, but steer clear of voicing them to him. He will simply regard you as snooty and disrespectful towards elders.
Sritapa Roy who recently got engaged to her long-time boyfriend has a say, “My would-be-mum-in-law always makes me uncomfortable, she casts long, considering looks when I talk. I did try to broach the issue with my fiance but he turned it down calling me selfish and cynical.”
‘Not today please, I am too sleepy’
Using a line like this will not only turn him off, but also make him wonder if he is with the right girl. He might start considering that a life with you would be full of drab domestic chores, grocery shopping and winding up before the television by day end. By depriving him of any kind of bedroom thrill you might pass on the message, though inadvertently, that ‘sex with you is no longer pleasurable’. And wake up to a sea change in his mannerism. As a couple it is fair to talk it out, but to come up with banal excuses each time you don’t want to have sex is sacrilege.
Explains Prashant Sirohi, a marketing executive, “My ex girlfriend was never in a mood for lovemaking. I thought the idea of sex with me put her off. So, gradually I started distancing myself from her, and subsequently we broke up.”
Using the ‘F’ word
‘F’ words may be acceptable in general arguments, but to actually use one on your partner could spell doom for your relationship. It is absolutely unforgivable and he will loathe you for it. Even if you both make up for the fight later, you are assured he’ll never completely forget about it.
Saloni Shah, pursuing her MBA thinks, abusing your partner is the worst thing you can do to your relationship. “In the middle of a fiery argument with my husband I blurted out the ‘F’ word, and suddenly everything around me went quiet. He dropped the discussion and did not speak to me for over a week. I still feel guilty about it,” says she.
So, even when your rage turns tempestuous, there is sanity in not letting go of your vocabulary.