I am a lover, a lover-boy to the core – I know this!
I am old, actually, more than old enough to know this! I find that its isn’t a bad thing, neither does it make you weak. Though guys love to live on the macho side of life, I have realized that macho is far beyond your physical proclivities. What with blind men being awe-inspiring musicians and skinny folk running the Central Bank of the biggest African nation on earth, or short men ruling the film industry in Nigeria. Seriously, ‘macho’ should have a different meaning if Goliath with all his muscles succumbed to the sling of a highly skillful David. Now, before I deviate, I was talking about being a lover. I hope all the lovers in the house identify with this? Let me hear you say ‘uhuh-uhuh‘… Lol…
So many of us have put ourselves out there over and over, in terms of relationships and had our hearts torn apart; for others, their hearts were dragged into a wrestling ring, punched, slammed, suplexed, and the referee has counted up to 20, yet your heart hasn’t gotten up yet – its in a coma. Going through a repeated experience of failed relationships, especially for those of us who are lovers, makes us want to run into our shells and forget about the whole package called love altogether. As a result of the pains, we propound loads of ‘crazy’ ideas about relationships and decided that our experiences have taught us what love really is. Whenever I hear someone’s thoughts about relationships, I can 99% of the time guess they have been slammed and I can tell from the bitterness, if they got up after 3 referee counts, 20 counts, or if they are still in coma… lol.
I know experience they say is the best teacher, but in the case of relationships and in life, especially those areas that affect our emotions, many times, our actions are as a result of too much pain. And pain wont help you decide with a clear head. Do not employ only your heart in deciding your next move, decide with your head but involve your heart so says my mentor – I agree. Everyone of us want to be loved. Even hardened criminals want to be loved, they want to have one person they can count on as having their back, so no human being should make you feel bad for wanting to be loved. Wanting to be loved or being in love is not a sign of weakness, it is such a position of strength because you are saying you want to be vulnerable before another human being; that you want to open up to another human being, that you want to involve another person in your affairs. This is a position of strength when you consider that we, as human beings can easily fail – it is such a huge risk putting your life in the hands of another. But that is what love is. It is the weak ones that lock themselves away from this vital human need.
I am not attacking those of us who have had really bad experiences and have shut up their lives from having a repeat experience, but let your head tell you what you did wrong. If you need to talk to a friend, great! But you want to be sure that your friend would not worsen the situation. I would recommend that if you do not think you can tell yourself the truth, or have a friend tell you the truth about your failings in your past relationships, you should talk to a counselor. I have one I can introduce to you to help you out, you can send me a mail on[email protected] if you want to discuss with her – she comes highly recommended by me.
Your bad experiences shouldn’t be stumbling blocks, they should be stepping stones to your dream life. No one has the right to steal your life, especially with your permission. No one should live rent-free in your head, because while you writhe in pains, he or she has moved on and is having the time of their lives. You deserve a life of love, being in love, joy and the comfort of knowing someone has your back; that life won’t always be rosy and peaceful, but you two are ready to fight for the love that you so deeply want.
Dust yourself up, take up your mat and be free… God bless you, I love you.
Yoma Victor is an entrepreneur, student of God, love and life. He is very passionate about Development, Financial Intelligence, Leadership, and believes that entrepreneurs build families and nations. He is co-founder of d-xtreme unit to advance personal development among young people in Sapele, Delta State of Nigeria in 2004. Today, it is a national platform. He partners with several social initiatives across Nigeria and beyond. He is also a dancer, a huge lover of music, movies, books, and the pursuit of purpose.
The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author.