Emily Morse, a sex and relationship expert and host of the podcast Sex With Emily, talks about what you should be considering if you’re in this situation. Here, the three questions you must ask yourself when you’re getting serious with an older guy.
1. How Does He Feel About Children?
This is a biggie. Chances are, if he’s already in his late 30s or 40s, he has strong views about kids one way or the other. He may already have them from a previous marriage, and if he doesn’t have kids, that may be for a reason. So if being a mother is a big dream of yours (or if you know you don’t want kids), you need to bring it up with him sooner rather than later. Morse suggests waiting until the third date (first and second date is too soon), but definitely do it—you deserve to know. After all, his answer could be a deal-breaker.
2. How Do You Feel About Hanging Out with an Older Crowd Regularly?
There’s a big cultural gap between people in their 20s and people in their 40s, says Morse. You guys didn’t grow up with the same bands or the same shows, and you may be at totally different stages in your careers. So if you want nothing more than to hang out with your friends and reminisce about the TGIF lineup, this could be an issue. Or hey, maybe you like being exposed to your partners’ friends’ thoughts and viewpoints. Either way, it’s something to think about.
3. How Do You Feel About Taking Care of Him as he Ages?
Look, we get it: He’s really sexy right now. He’s probably got his life and finances more or less in order, while you might still be bringing home the free bagels from work meetings and eating them for dinner. But he’s going to start showing signs of aging soon. He’ll get gray hairs, he won’t be able to stay out as late, and his sex drive may slow down—while you still have many years before you have to deal with such things. Are you OK with not being on the same timeline? It’s totally possible that you are. Or that you’re not, in which case, a breakup may be in order. The important thing is that you check in with yourself just to be sure.