There are some things you shouldn’t tell anyone but yourself and God. It is true what they say: If you don’t want something to be repeated, then don’t tell anybody. Most of us throw discretion to the wind though when we’re in conversation with day-one friends or new acquaintances that we’re fond of. In a perfect world, we’d like for all of the conversation shared between “just us girls” to be kept confidential. A perfect world this is not, and you’d be surprised at just how quick your closest confidant will use the information she knows about you against you. Or just accidentally blab about it to the world. Telling your business to girlfriends despite how new or old the friendship is comes with its risks and exclusiveness is not guaranteed.
Most women think that if you can’t tell your friends your business, then they aren’t really your friends. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Anytime I had heavy information that I felt the need to express to a friend in the past, I wish I had thought about how doing so would help or hinder my situation first. Will this friend really contribute to the conversation or are they just listening for the drama of it all? Will they offer support or will they condemn me for my choices? There is a difference between privacy and secrecy, and anytime you disclose private information, well, it is no longer private. You may have been saying a little too much to your girlfriends if you are guilty of sharing the following information too freely.
1. DON’T TELL YOUR FRIENDS THAT YOU’VE CAUGHT YOUR SPOUSE CHEATING
Especially if you and your spouse plan on working it out, it’s probably best to leave all outside people out of this relationship revelation. There will always be the “he cheated on her” stigma once everyone finds out about his infidelity. It can place an extra strain on your relationship that you don’t need.
This may sound like a lot to do, especially since you and your friends often operate like a sisterhood. From experience, it is best to keep conversations about the inner workings of your private life, private. When you’ve got too many opinions being thrown around about the way you live your life because of the information you’ve volunteered, the friendship waters can get muddied.
2. DON’T TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR OTHER FRIENDS’ BUSINESS
Talking to our girlfriends is fun, especially when the topics are juicy, but disclosing private information that was shared to you by another girlfriend, in the circle or not, shows you are untrustworthy. I know it’s tempting to spill the tea on a friend’s dramatic life, but keep it to yourself.
3. DON’T TELL YOUR FRIENDS ALL OF YOUR FUTURE ASPIRATIONS
Good friends have a way of trying to “reality check” us about our aspirations and they might not show much enthusiasm about some of your dreams and goals. It’s like a punch in the gut when you’re amped up about an idea and none of your friends are as excited. The response you get from your friends might skew your motivation to move forward with your goals, so some things that mean a lot to you might best be kept to yourself.
4. DON’T TELL YOUR FRIENDS ALL OF YOUR WEAKNESSES
You give your friends too much power when they know that the mention of your weight can have tears running down your face.You couldn’t imagine your friend mocking your social anxiety or insecurity about the size of your feet, but the closer the friend, the more comfortable they might feel about doing so.
5. DON’T TELL YOUR FRIENDS ONLY ABOUT THE PROBLEMS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Be careful that you’re not giving your friends a bias view of who your man is by only speaking about him negatively. Think about it this way, if most of your conversations with your friends about your boyfriend is a complaint, their perception of who he is will be a negative one because this is most of, if not all of, what they know about him.
6. DON’T TELL YOUR FRIEND’S ABOUT YOUR MAN’S DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY
Squabbles between your own families may be a topic of discussion with girlfriends, but disclosing the boo’s family dysfunction without his permission is blatant disrespect.
7. DON’T TELL YOUR FRIEND’S ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE’S PROMISCUOUS PAST
This might sound like a nice story to tell about how you changed your player husband into a one woman man, but to your girlfriends it’s probably a red flag. Once they know that your man has been around the block a few times they begin to expect the worst from him. Our girlfriends love us and they can sometimes turn molehills into mountains and this kind of information is no exception. If they don’t know about his wild past already then leave it on the hush.
8. DON’T TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND THAT YOU AND YOUR BOO ARE ATTRACTED TO HER
Unless you’re certain that she might be up for whatever you’re trying to bring her way, don’t let such fantasies and information leave your imagination. Remember when Jackie Christie of Basketball Wives LA fame slipped up and mentioned that she and Doug were attracted to Malaysia? The encounter was extremely awkward even for the viewers. The quickest way to make a friendship weird is by telling your girlfriend that you and your husband or boyfriend would like to invite her into your bedroom.
9. DON’T TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU ARE CHEATING ON YOUR SPOUSE
Don’t bring them into that messy love triangle! I had a friend that was cheating on her boyfriend and she’d tell our group about all of her encounters with her side boo. Her boyfriend found out, took her back and I lost respect for them both. Despite their reunion, she kept cheating on him, but because I didn’t respect her actions, I asked her not to tell me about it. Be careful with this one if you are the one doing the dirty deed, because while it can be fun to gab about doing something forbidden, you may be running the risk of your secret coming out.
10. DON’T TELL YOUR FRIENDS IF YOU’VE CONTRACTED AN STD
This is a no-brainer, but you would be surprised to know how many people I know who have had an STD, and sadly, I heard the information from their close friend. It’s going to always be too much information to share whenever you disclose that you’ve contracted an STD. And unless you plan on having a sexual relationship with your friends, that’s something you should keep to yourself.
11. DON’T ASK YOUR FRIENDS HOW MUCH THEY MAKE
Unless you have plans to add money to their bank account, how much your girlfriend makes is none of your business. How much you make is none of their business either. Ballpark figures aren’t as bad, but it’s all still a bit invasive. I used to have a friend who would split the bill with me whenever we’d go out until she found out how much I made from my most recent promotion. After that, every time we would link up, she would subtly ask me to foot the bill. Her favorite excuse was, “Well, you are the one with the big time job!”
12. KEEP YOUR SPOUSE’S BEDROOM ABILITIES (OR LACK THEREOF) TO YOURSELF
Whether your intentions are to humblebrag about how good it is or lament about how dull your boo is in the bedroom, just don’t do it. If you’re gloating to your girlfriends about how great he is you never know which one of them will be eager to find out what he’s working with–if you know what I’m saying. On the other hand, it’s also uncomfortable knowing that your BFF’s husband is suffering through a medical condition that hinders his performance in bed. Not only is that whole situation awkward, an inability to keep the sexual difficulties of your partner private reduces him to the emasculated pink elephant in the room during every encounter. Not a good look.
13. DON’T TELL YOUR FRIENDS HOW TO RAISE THEIR CHILDREN
We can swap heartfelt stories about the blunders and beauty of being a mother, but I am not here for any evaluations about my parental abilities from my friends. Your girlfriend might have good intentions when she advises you to try to “discipline little Bobby a little bit more,” but taking unwanted parental advice from another parent can be a little too much. And if there is something you want to encourage your friend to do as a parent, be sure that said friend is actually ready and willing to be receptive to such information.
(via Madam Noire)