“Give Her the Best Orgasm Ever.” “12 Secrets to Better Orgasms.” “How to Have a Better Orgasm: The BEST Orgasm.” When it comes to maximizing your pleasure, the headliners don’t quit. Popular press magazines, websites and books tirelessly promise to help you have longer, stronger and multiple orgasms. Nothing is more important, with climax cast as the most coveted experience and orgiastic feeling in the world.
But is it? And should it be?
Our society is obsessed with orgasms. Peaking is supposedly the greatest sensation a human can enjoy, topping all other experiences that can be had, including the actual sex preceding this mind-blowing reaction. For some, reaching a maximum state of sexual arousal comes easily, while for others it is work, with the success of “achieving” orgasm making the experience even sweeter for some.
While I’m certainly not one to turn my nose up to an orgasm, especially the greatest of these passionate peaks, the fact that people put so much importance on orgasm, and pressure on themselves to reach it, needs to be put in perspective. Orgasm is just one of life’s many other pleasures — something people can lose sight of when they’re obsessing over their next orgasm, or a better orgasm, or a stronger orgasm, or a certain type of orgasm, or simply reaching orgasm…
So, the next time you find yourself frustrated by your quest for the all-consuming climax, or the headliners urging you to come-come-come, remember that life offers you plenty of other equally amazing experiences. Some, in fact, are simpler, sweeter and more easily attainable, like some of my favorites to date:
1. Non-stop laughing
If sexual intimacy weren’t such an important part of long-term romantic relationships, then I would’ve married one of my closest, platonic friends ages ago. Since Junior High School, this mate has had me howling with laughter in no time, and for what feels like forever. This kind of can’t-catch-my-breath moment, with anyone, can’t happen enough.
2. A child’s hug
Nothing feels more perfect or better than having your little one’s arms and legs wrapped tightly around you, head buried in your neck. The world becomes still and peaceful and full of love.
3. Rolling over and sleeping in
Who hasn’t had that absolutely delicious moment of waking up, drunk with drowsiness, only to learn that you can go back to sleep — and at your leisure? It’s even sweeter when you’re completely warm and cozy.
4. Quenching a thirst
And we’re talking pure, clean water here. Nothing rehydrates better than water, especially when your body craves it. You’ve been there and know how good gulping can be.
5. Sinking into a warm bath after being out in the bitter cold
Perhaps the best part of being outside in frigid temperatures is the experience of warming up inside. A nice bath or hot tub dip is often the perfect way to get the blood flowing again.
6. Receiving some unexpected financial help
Whether it’s for a birthday or holiday, an unforeseen inheritance or a bill found on the street, getting a small or large chunk of change can have you smiling in no time. This burst of elation is one to soak in, especially if the money comes at a critical time.
7. Burying yourself in nice clean, fresh sheets
Simply said for a simple pleasure: It feels heavenly to sink yourself into newly washed, dryer-warmed sheets.
8. Feeling your partner from head to toe, skin-on-skin
Being pressed up against your beloved, with or without the expectation of more intimacy, wrapped in each other’s arms, is one of those few things that make us forget that the rest of the world exists.
9. The high of having had a good workout
Whether you met your half hour goal on the treadmill or beat your own best time for a marathon, pushing your body and releasing the endorphins can be addictive.
10. Learning that the person you’re in love with loves you too
Suddenly, everything in the world feels right when two people exchange “I love you.”
11. Accomplishing something huge
Whether you’ve wrapped up a major project, are graduating or are being made the offer of a lifetime, the thrill that comes along with working hard, and being recognized for it, is the ultimate head rush.
Admittedly, nothing is exactly like a climax, nor should it be. But should other life pleasures be ranked any less worthy when it comes to ranking intense sensations and moments? After all, many of the descriptors I used are those often used to describe sexual response and pleasure. Sexual release has a lot in common with life’s finer things.
So, the next time you’re feeling the pressure to have an orgasm, or have more orgasms, or have a certain type of orgasm… remember that life offers you many forms of bliss. The vast majority of these have nothing to do with being sexually active, as I’m sure you know. Do you have faves to add to my list?
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright tweets @YvonneFulbright
The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author.