I find lately that any time I write an article outlining certain traits of men or how we “should” or “shouldn’t” act in a relationship (I have to be careful with those words because people often accuse me of telling everyone how to act…) that I get plenty of backlash from those who disagree with what I’m saying because men do not realistically act in these ways.
First thing’s first: Good men do act in these ways. If you are going to put an asterisk on behavior that’s to be expected from well-adjusted, emotionally stable, good man, then you’re not dating a good man. Here are a few things that should make you strap on a jet pack and full throttle it in the other direction:
1. A good man will never pick apart your looks.
“Oh, if only your hair was a little longer.” “If only you lost those couple of extra pounds.” “If you would only wear more makeup.” A good man will never take jabs at your appearance in a way that’s demeaning to you or makes you feel badly about yourself. If he is doing this, he’s purposely attempting to lower your self-worth so you won’t feel confident enough to leave him. It’s his way of trying to control you and it’s emotional abuse. Walk. Away. Now.
2. A good man will never invade your privacy.
In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide anything. Texts, emails, facebook messages, whatever. But that doesn’t mean your partner has the right to snoop through them if you happen to leave your phone around or your computer open. Someone who does this is showing a massive insecurity on their part and is likely projecting their own infidelities and issues onto you. This should not be ignored.
*Note: This is assuming you haven’t done anything that would make him suspicious or betrayed his trust.
3. A good man will never discourage you.
A sign of a person’s confidence in themselves is how they help to support the ambition of others. A good man will always be willing to help and support those around him and will never be discouraging or insulting.
4. A good man will recognize your value; he will not make you feel the need to prove it to him.
The minute you feel that you have to prove your worth to the person you’re with is the minute you’ll know to walk away. A man or woman should be with you because they value and appreciate who you are, not what you do or how well you sell yourself to them.
5. A good man will never make you feel like an afterthought.
While a relationship shouldn’t be someone’s entire life, it’s certainly a large part of it. I’ve heard too many stories about women who constantly get cast aside for “guy’s night” or something similar. A man should have have a network and individuality, sure. But there is a difference between leading an active social life, and knocking the woman in your life further and further down your priority list. If you feel like you’re waiting for him to come home more than you’re actually with him, it’s time to step back and take another look at where your relationship is going.
6. A good man will never make you feel like you are alone in the relationship.
Relationships are a partnership. A team. A two-way street. They’re supposed to enhance your life, not complicate it. If you’re with a man who is complacent in life and love, puts no effort into you or the relationship, then it’s time to re-evaluate. Keep in mind, it’s natural for people to get depressed and unmotivated at times. If this is someone you’ve been with for a long time, I’m certainly not saying kick him to the curb at the first sign of a slump. We all go through them. What I’m referring to here is someone who is simply apathetic and makes you feel like he doesn’t care. You deserve someone who will wake up every morning and pledge to do and be the best they can for you.
7, A good man will never cheat on you.
There are plenty of arguments in the world that monogamy is not “natural” and that humans are not biologically wired to spend an entire lifetime with one single person. Regardless of the scientific validity of this statement, one thing remains true: Monogamy is a personal choice made by two people in a relationship. There is literally nothing physical binding two people together; just a decision. A good man will never cheat in a relationship because cheating means going back on his word or breaking a promise he has made to someone he loves.
8. A good man will never disrespect you.
Easy, simple, basic – but often overlooked. A good man will show respect to everyone around him. He will not be condescending or put anyone down, regardless of intelligence level or professional position. As the saying goes, ‘a man of quality is not afraid of equality.’
9. A good man will never avoid important conversations.
Whether it be between family members or in a relationship, a good man understands that no problem can be resolved until it is faced. The only thing that avoidance of difficulties will accomplish is delaying the inevitable and potentially making things worse. There is a difference between choosing your battles and avoiding conflict altogether – the important thing is to know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em.
10. A good man will NEVER abuse you.
There are many different types of abuse, certainly not just physical and certainly not just in a relationship. Someone can be emotionally abusive toward a child or pet as well as their significant other. Regardless, they all have one thing in common: The desire to break another down. A good man recognizes that his confidence and worth comes from within himself and never from attempting to place others below him. At any sign of any type of abuse, walk (run) away immediately. It will not get better, and you deserve more.
We need to stop making excuses for those who mistreat us and start lowering our tolerance for this nonsense. Any self-respecting decent human being will treat you with the love and compassion that you deserve. If they don’t, then what’s the point of staying with them?
James Michael Sama is an award-winning Boston based blogger on the topics of dating and relationships, having amassed over 30 million readers in just a year and a half. He writes and speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness throughout the country and has been featured repeatedly in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.
This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: 10 Things Good Men Will NEVER Do (As Written By A Good Man)