This Is What People REALLY Think About You, Based On Your Wine Order

The thing about wine is, it’s a world of judgments. People judge you if you order wine when everyone else is drinking beer. They judge you if you know what you’re doing when you look at a wine list, or if you ask a lot of questions of the sommelier. They judge you if you automatically go for the cheapest glass and they judge you if you choose the most expensive. Really, you can’t win. The world of wine is nuanced and has an air of inaccessibility, which puts people on edge and makes them prone to judging. But if you’re ordering rosé in the middle of winter, we’re sorry but we’re gonna judge!

If you want to know what signals you’re sending out about yourself when you order your wine, we’re here to break it down. We’re not saying people’s judgements are right or even fair. In fact, we personally adhere to the school of “drink whatever and however much you want,” no judgments from us. We just can’t say the same about the haughty sommelier or the friend you don’t know so well at the other end of the birthday table, because from where we’re sitting, it looks like they’re judging the sh*t out of you. Luckily, drinking wine is worth all the judgments that come along with it.

Here’s what people are thinking of you when you order that rosé, white or red:

• 1
  You order rosé no matter the time of year.
  Annabelle Breakey via Getty Images
  It’s classy and respectable to order rosé in the height of summer. It’s just plain wrong to order it with a hearty meal in the dead of winter. We hate to say it, but people will probably judge you for being totally oblivious to seasons if you take this route.
• 2
  You order red wine with seafood.
  Alejandro Rivera via Getty Images
  People might cringe, but they shouldn’t. There are plenty of occasions where red wine works well with seafood. Just don’t be surprised if you get a few raised eyebrows.
• 3
  You order white wine. Always. Without exception.
  Brian Macdonald via Getty Images
  Red wine gives you a headache, or you just don’t like the stuff. It’s cool. Unfortunately you may get perceived as being unadventurous and possibly even vain. The sad truth is that drinking white wine exclusively automatically makes you a Real Housewife. Sorry, we don’t make the rules. We just write ’em.
• 4
  You order Lambrusco outside of a pizza restaurant.
  Landahlauts/Flickr
  There’s a time and place for everything. Lambrusco — a lightly sparkling red wine that is served slightly chilled — is best with Italian food, specifically pizza. If you order it when you’re eating a burger, you may be judged for being a little bizarre, or just confused about what Lambrusco is.
• 5
  You order Champagne… even when you’re not celebrating anything.
  Cultura Travel/Philip Lee Harvey via Getty Images
  Unless you’re toasting a special occasion, ordering Champagne will unquestionably get you some looks. We love Champagne as much as the next guy, we really do. But it’s special, and not for everyday consumption. Order Champagne out to dinner on a Tuesday and people will think you’re a snob. You’re asking for it, so just deal with it.
• 6
  You order a white wine spritzer.
  Bill Boch via Getty Images
  You’re old. Nobody’s judging here. It’s just true.
• 7
  You order the second most expensive bottle on the menu.
  Don Bayley via Getty Images
  Some people will think you’re being savvy, but others will think you’re a sucker, because that bottle is a trap. Restaurants know you don’t want to order the cheapest bottle; they know you’ll go for that second cheapest option. Who knows what they could be trying to pawn off on you.
• 8
  You go to great pains to order orange wine.
  Steven Morris via Getty Images
  Orange wines are trendy, but they’re not mainstream, so you really have to care enough to seek them out. Of course, they’re only trendy to the people who pay attention to and believe in wine trends, so you’ll either impress or confuse other people when you order them.
• 9
  You order a bottle without asking anyone else what they want.
  Johner via Getty Images
  Everyone’s been out to dinner where someone orders a bottle of wine — or a few — without consulting the rest of the table and expects everyone to pitch in. Do this and people will think you’re a jerk. Plain and simple.
• 10
  You order knowledgeably.
  Image Source via Getty Images
  You will incite fear and respect in your dinner mates. If you’re not actually knowledgable about wine and only pretending, more power to you. No one else you’re with knows any better, so good job.
• 11
  You ask for ice with your red wine.
  Foodcollection via Getty Images
  Asking for ice with your white wine may not get you looks, but ice for red wine? The only time ice belongs in red wine is if you’re drinking sangria. Period.

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