1. “When are you going to finish?”
“Sex is supposed to make us feel closer than ever, but when I hear this, I feel disconnected,” explains Jeff R., 40, from Keller, TX. “Up until that point, I assumed we were both having a good time. When I hear this, I feel like she’s just counting down the seconds until it’s over, which makes me feel horrible.” Instead say, “I really really want you to climax,” suggests Emily Morse, host of the radio show Sex With Emily, and author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight. “Letting him know how much you want to see him let go shows him how much his pleasure turns you on.” He’ll get the hint without an accidental ego bruise.
2. “Did you hear the baby? Can you go check?”
3. “Oooh…nope. You were close, though!”
“One of the best parts of sex is seeing her satisfied,” says New Yorker Sean R., 28. “I want her to give me a chance, and when I hear this, I feel like she won’t even let me try, and that my skills are really lacking.” Instead, focus on the positive with a comment like, “my whole body shivered when you did that. I can’t wait to try it again.” Because guys don’t have our anatomy, it’s hard for them to understand how truly random orgasms can sometimes be, explains Reef Karim, MD, a psychiatrist and co-author of Why Does He Do That? Why Does She Do That? “If you want or need a specific move, let him know. If it just didn’t happen, and that’s all right with you, letting him know you still enjoyed it reassures him that you’re not disappointed in anything he did.”
4. “Have you always had that mole?”
5. “We never just talk anymore.”
“I don’t think about talking or not talking,’ says Seth P., 32, from Brooklyn, NY. “And if she says that when I think we’re going to have sex, or right after sex, it feels like she’s implying that I only want her for sex, which isn’t true.” Instead of voicing a general complaint, get the ball rolling by saying, “if we win the lottery, what would we buy first?” The flood of post-sex hormones can make men sleepy, so meandering hypotheticals — the ones you most likely connected over when you first met — are far better ways to begin the deep conversations you crave than those mundane, everyday subjects.
6. “I was thinking the kitchen walls would look good in a cream shade. Do you?”
7. “Do I look like I’ve gained weight?”
8. “Tell me I’m pretty.”
9. “I have to pee.”
Hold it (not literally!) This one is kind of tricky. “I don’t mind this one occasionally,” admits Sid S., 28, from Hoboken, NJ. “But it does bring down the passion level.” Cramps, gurgles, the need to pee ASAP — all that stuff is part of sex, and there’s no need to hide it, or be embarrassed. The trick is to stay off the slippery slope that leads to cringe-worthy, Judd Apatow script-like conversations about bodily functions. And the best way to do that is to occasionally maintain a little mystery — at least until the main event is over — by simply telling him you’ll be right back.
