Nobody’s perfect. Well, almost nobody.
This is because each of us believes deep down that there is nothing wrong with our personality. We may not admit this to others, but we think we’re perfect.
Don’t believe it? Why else would we get so flustered when people don’t behave exactly how we want them to behave? Like us.
None of us are perfect really, but some people are Just The Worst. Like, the worst people in the world. Here are the things that make them the worst. Are you one of them?
1. People who shove their way on to a train before you get off
To the guy who barged past that pregnant lady to grab that coveted seat on that almost empty carriage… you are going to hell. Seriously. You’re going to hell. I hope you get a good seat.
2. People who beep their horn impatiently at learner drivers
You cannot bear to be behind that ‘L’-emblazoned Vauxhall Corsa (it’s always a Vauxhall Corsa, isn’t it?) for longer than four seconds, can you? Because when you first sat in the driver’s seat of a car all those years ago, you knew how to do everything, didn’t you?
No you didn’t, you hypocritical moron. Show some courtesy and let the learner learn how to learn.
3. People who play music from their phones on buses
If you want your favourite rapper to sound like he’s being strangled underwater, then by all means, turn the volume on your smartphone’s crappy speakers up to 10. But don’t force it on the rest of humanity, most of whom value their eardrums.
Follow-up question: has anyone in the history of the world ever played a song through their phone on public transport that actually has a melody?
4. People who jump in front of you in the queue for the bar
They know you’re next to be served. They know the barman hasn’t been paying attention. They saw you let someone else order before you because that person had been waiting longer. They think you’re a soft touch. They push in front of you and order. You consider pushing them under a bus. A bus that probably has teenagers listening to music on their mobile phones.
5. People who are children
Every one of us used to be one, but should that mean we have to put up with them? Kids can be fantastic, particularly when they’re sleeping or in another room or at school where they’re someone else’s problem.
But they can also be annoying, selfish, demanding, tiring mini-adults, training themselves daily to be annoying, selfish, demanding, tiring mega-adults, the kind who’ll push past anyone in their way of a seat on the train.
6. People who have children
There’s only one thing worse than a child: someone who owns one. There’s a reason for the phrase, ‘I blame the parents’.
When that toddler at the next table in the restaurant is ruining your dining experience by blasting out Peppa Pig episodes at full volume on its iPad, it’s mum and dad’s fault.
Turn that bloody thing off! Oh yeah, and do something about the iPad too, will you?
7. People who double dip
Not the economy, stupid, but the buffet. Sticking that tortilla into a shared batch of guacamole is fine and dandy. But shoving half the tortilla in your mouth, then dunking the remainder back in the dip… that is so not cool. Or hygienic.
Lovely guacamole, by the way – it tastes so much better for everyone with your bacteria in it. Jerk.
8. People who are Katie Hopkins
Come on, this list has ‘worst’ and ‘people’ in its title. What did you think was going to happen?
9. People who suggest splitting the bill
We’ve all been there, whether it was in our student days, our unemployed days, our days before payday days or just plain old yesterday.
Your bank account is down to its bare bones, but you have to go out for a big group meal at a restaurant because it’s your friend’s birthday. Anyway, you can always save a bit of cash by skipping starters and dessert and just having one drink with your main course, right?
Wrong. When things are done, there’s always one person who chirps up with, ‘Hey, why don’t we just split the bill?’, and there’s always another one who agrees. You can spot these two culprits easily: they are the diners at the table with a pile of empty plates and glasses in front of them.
To them, it’s only fair that you help pay for the seven courses they’ve just quaffed. So what if you just had a plate of chips and a pint glass of water?
Don’t share a cab home with these people. 1) They’ll probably stiff you on that too and 2) You no longer have enough money for a cab home.
10. People who clip their nails in public
Get a room. It’s called a ‘bathroom’.
11. People who don’t say ‘thanks’ when you hold the door open
When someone makes an effort to make your day easier, however slightly, have the decency to show some gratitude. It only takes a second.
12. People who dash into a lift just as it’s closing
12a. People who dash into a lift just as it’s closing and then get off at the next floor. Avoiding those 10 steps on the adjacent staircase was really worth it.
13. People who leave a trail of used tea bags
Shortly after the wheel was conceived, humankind came up with another important invention: the bin bag.
So please, for the love of God, PUT YOUR FLIPPING SOGGY TEA BAGS IN IT!!
14. People who don’t know how to behave at the cinema
Sit down. Turn your phone off. Shut up.
15. People who moan about how everyone else is so annoying
Look mate, people suck – just get over it and quit your yapping.
