Introverts are naturally quiet men. Because of this, there isn’t nearly enough buzz about what makes them so deliciously desirable to date. Just because it’s not talked about doesn’t mean the attraction isn’t palpable and deep.
I have a lot of experience with introverts thanks to my habit of collecting engineers, who, with their thoughtful and analytical minds, are also quite often introverted.
My dad is an engineer, my ex, my boyfriend … hell, I’ve even made it my life’s work to help smart, introverted men attract women naturally, so it’s safe to say that understanding them is my passion. As a dating and attraction coach for introverted men, I get to see up close and personal just how magnetic and charismatic these men can be.
Clearly, I have my finger on the pulse of what truly excites and inspires the women that this type of men naturally attract, because it attracts me, too! So, you can see in plain daylight the subtleties I get to see happening everywhere.
I’ve compiled a list of four reasons that shed light on why women everywhere genuinely prefer to date introverts.
1. Introverts are kind.
Because thoughtfulness is a trait inherent to introverts, kindness easily follows. It’s ironic that so many men hesitate to show their kindness for fear of being labeled a “nice guy” — the dreaded friend-zone prequel.
When men are nice AND confident, it makes women go nuts in the best possible way. Men are often surprised to realize that by simply showing this characteristic and being confident in their kindness, women begin approaching them right and left.
A sweet man really is loved by women, as long as he’s confident, too. Because introverts are so naturally primed for thoughtful kindness, adding confidence into the mix makes them VERY dateable. Irresistible, in fact.
Once men get the hang of this, they are often surprised — even delighted! — that women appreciate their little kindnesses so much: remembering and following up on details they shared in previous conversations, insisting on taking care of dinner, and more.
For most introverts, this all comes so naturally that it would be stressful NOT to be that way. Truly a woman’s dream.
2. Introverts are thoughtful.
For many introverts, thoughtfulness is one of their core values.
Recently, one of my clients told me the sweetest story. Just days before, her man put together a custom list of recommended books, complete with Amazon links, for his friend who wanted helpful advice on a certain topic.
He knew it would’ve been easy to take two seconds to suggest off-hand the first book that came to mind, but he wanted to actually put together a thoughtfully crafted list he knew his friend would truly benefit from. His friend was moved. It proved to be very helpful, and that made my thoughtful client feel so good.
Every woman wants a man attentive and thoughtful, motivated by providing true value to others out of the goodness of his heart. Introverts are naturally this way.
3. Introverts are passionate.
Another introvert I know is a salsa dancer. To give you an idea of how passionate and full of life he is, one of his deepest values is “irresistibleness.” I know, right?
That’s just a tiny peek into the passion he has. For the women he meets on the dance floor and in his day-to-day life, that passion is experienced as turn-on.
He told me about his most recent salsa-dancing extravaganza, and my goodness, the ladies couldn’t get enough of him. All he did was genuinely be himself and express his values with a deep-down confidence that speaks volumes.
The irresistible way he came across to these women really came down to his passion, which, as an introvert, expresses in such an intriguing and attractive way: not as spotlight-gregariousness, but as chilled-out magnetism.
It’s a lot of fun for him, and the women who get to dance with him and go date him.
4. Introverts are loyal.
A lot of women think that all men want is to hop from one woman to the next. While there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as they’re being fully honest with themselves and with everyone they interact with, it’s simply not the case.
I was surprised to find that 95 percent of the introverted men I’ve worked with really and truly want a loyal and loving long-term partnership above all else, dating-wise. What they really want is a relationship.
However, to ensure that they don’t just latch on to the first woman they see (their worst fear and a real risk due to their naturally loyal nature), they want to first become great at dating.
Sure, many of them see it as a rite of passage to have fun dating adventures first. As a woman, I went through my own version of that, too. Ultimately, though, the reason they want to become good at dating is so they can freely and decisively choose the absolute right woman for them.
In fact, many introverted men are only comfortable dating one woman at a time. It seems to be in their nature, and even the thought of sleeping with more than one woman in a short duration of time feels jarring to them.
I know, I know. I didn’t believe it until hundreds of men told me during strategy sessions that from the bottom of their hearts that was the case.
I’d tell them, “Hey, no shame. Whatever you want, please tell me. The only way I can help you get what you want is if I know exactly what that is.” Time and time again, they’d tell me honestly and plainly — even sheepishly, because it didn’t seem normal to them — that they only wanted to be with one woman at a time, and ideally, one woman in particular for the long-haul.
Women LOVE this loyalty. For these men, finding and winning that extraordinary woman they can partner with long-term is the ultimate win. Introverted men are deeply loyal to the core because they’re wired for long-term, 1:1 connection.
This article was originally published on Your Tango