by Justin Kingland
I can’t lie. The idea of being married as a millennial was indeed a scary one. Not because I didn’t want to be married or because I had a fear of commitment, but because of the over all seemingly negative view of marriage in our society today.
Divorce rates are sky high in our society. Scary accounts of unfulfilling sex and a dull routine that quickly saps the youth out of you. Looking at the public perception of marriage, why would anyone in their right mind WANT to get married if it’s really that bad?
Today (January 12th, 2015) marks my two year wedding anniversary with my wife, Sylvia Kingland . I could write a separate (and longer) post about why she’s the one, but quite simply, she’s the first person I’ve ever met where I could be every version of me around. She makes me comfortable, she drives me to be better and yet the simple things impress her more than anything fancy or glamorous. I truly felt that she would love me “for better or for worse” and I felt the same.
So now we’re married. It’s only been 2 year, but in that 2 year I’ve seen what it takes (so far) to make a marriage successful. I’ve also seen that some of the fears and myths going around about marriage aren’t true and that keeping it simple is the way to go. Here are 5 things I’ve learned about marriage in my 2 year.
1. Arguments Aren’t Necessary
Why does it always seem like people normalize arguments? I know they happen and I know they are somewhat natural, however they are avoidable. Most arguments start from silly personal hang ups and eventually turn into larger issues. If both people are open to communicating like adults, then a simple conversation should do. I also believe that if you don’t raise your voice at a co-worker over a disagreement, why would you do it at home?
2. Marriage Isn’t Complicated, People Are
So supposedly my wife was supposed to turn into some feminine monster by now, stripping me of all manhood with her mood swings. That hasn’t happened yet and I doubt it ever will. Nothing has been challenging about this past year, in fact, my life has gotten a lot easier! How? Well, we as adults, have realized that we have joined into a partnership and why destroy your partner? On my car now, I have Michelin Tires on one side and Ibeto on the other. Will they destroy each other because they’re different? Nope. They’re partners whose job it is to keep me safe on the road. I’ve heard a happy couple describe marriage like this, “Marriage is what you want it to be. If you want it to succeed, it will. If it doesn’t survive, someone in the relationship didn’t want it to survive.” Let you wife know your past, be real and do not shy away with your past and so applies to her too. Now what’s complicated about that?
3. Sex & Affection is A Must–
People like to dance around this subject in American Society, but we’re all the product of sex. It’s natural. I’ve found that the best stress reliever in my relationship has been sex. Unplanned, planned, quick, slow, whatever. Why some people avoid it or are constantly “too tired” is beyond me. It HELPS a relationship and the individuals, HELLO!
And for those that say that marriage makes sex boring – as far as my 2 year goes, I can tell you that it’s not true. Nothing will be boring unless you allow it to be. Be open to new things, switch things up and try to find new “favorites” for one another. Being married has made me more creative; and I’ve never lacked creativity in a general sense. stop seeing all those chewing gum girls that will make you always see your wife as 2nd hand, Bragging about your wife or your husband is not the main thing rather being faithful to her or him, how faithful are you to your husband or your wife and what is the essence of marriage when you`re seeing another girl outside your marriage or another man? I can boast and very proud to say that in my 2 year i have not known any other woman and i am too capable of keeping it so as long as we live because it is the part i have chosen. No Lie…
4. Understand Your Roles For One Another
Yes marriage is equal between both partners, however, there are still roles that need to be played. It doesn’t matter who plays what particular role, but they are indeed important. I see myself as the over all big picture person in the relationship, while my wife is a detail person. Along with that I know that I must give her my undivided attention so she can vent after work or whenever, because it’ll ease her. She does more cooking and cleaning thou some times i do the cooking and also clean as well. Sometimes the other needs to take over, which we both do not mind.
5. Stay Healthy
In my wedding vows, I promised to exercise, eat healthy, keep my hunger for career and success, keep myself mentally intact and keep myself spiritually centered. This is being healthy. I don’t want bad health, nervous break downs, dead-end jobs or lack of faith to take my focus away from my wife. We promised “for better or for worse” but it’s my duty to ensure it’ll never be “for worse” within my own powers. I don’t want sickness, unhappiness, and unfulfillment to distract me from loving, caring and being all the way invested into my wife. These things can burden the other, especially when it’s preventable.
We give God the Glory and we thank him for his endless love and mercies he showered upon us, we give thanks always. Praise God.
Justin Kingland is co-ordinator at Nigerian FM and founder/CEO of 4Real Records and Entertainment. He can be reached on Facebook.