You watch films like Dirty Dancing and Pretty Woman and get all gushy at how romantic the love scenes are.
But why oh why is it never like this in reality?
No matter how hard you could try to dance with your partner and then get it on, it’s just never going to look as good as it does on film.
Here are 7 reasons why sex is never like it is in the movies.
1. What woman has time for matching underwear?
Ok, if you’re in your twenties or newly dating then matching underwear will be top of your priority list.
But as soon as you’ve hit your thirties or had children, a bra and pants of the same colour are the least of your worries.
Every sultry movie scene involves a woman in sexy underwear.
Surely these scenes would look more real if the woman was wearing white pants with a few holes in and a washed-out black coloured bra with underwire popping out?
2. Walking around in a bed sheet is plain weird
Why is it that post-sex scenes in films the girl pulls the bedsheet around her while looking all sultry with perfect ruffled hair?
Firstly, that sheet is going to be dirty after your antics, secondly who can be bothered to actually get the sheet off the bed? Where’s the dog-eared dressing gown?
3.Sex outside of the bedroom is never as sexy as it is in your head
You watch Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling kissing in the rain, he pins her up against the wall and then carries her up the stairs. Wow.
In real life one or both would be moaning – that they were getting wet, that they were ruining the wallpaper, that their partner was too heavy to carry to the top of the stairs.
4. Removing your clothes involves fumbles
Don’t you just wish you could dance with your partner like Johnny and Baby in Dirty Dancing and make taking your clothes of look just as erotic? Who are we kidding?
We all know someone is going to struggle with trousers or a bra hook.
Undoing a button with one hand takes a lot of training.
5. Romantic background music makes you want to vom
We’ve all seen it in Ghost when Patrick Swazye puts on Unchained Melody before embarking on some sexy pottery scenes.
In reality, you arrive at your date’s door to hear some slushy love songs in the background and it’s the biggest, cheesiest turn off ever.
6. Morning breath
In the movies smitten couples wake up, turn to look at each other and start snogging to get it on all over again.
There’s no mention of bad breath, no-one even runs to the bathroom to clean their teeth or have a little freshen up.
7. Hollywood bodies
Now this is why you know sex will never be like it is in the movies – everyone has ‘perfect’ bodies.
Cue J-Lo stripping off in front of dishy George Clooney in Out Of Sight.
There’s no muffin top, saggy man boobs or hairy chests. We can only dream…
