Ask any expert about a woman’s breasts and they’ll all tell you the same thing: men aren’t paying enough attention to them—at least when it comes to sex. “What I’m hearing from a lot of people is that men immediately go down south, because that’s where they get the most results,” says sexologist Dr. Stephen de Wit. “For a lot of women, breasts are an area of great pleasure, but it’s not an understood thing for men because we don’t have breasts—a lot of the information we learn is from the media and from porn.”
But fear not, guys. All hope isn’t lost. We’ve consulted the best experts in the biz to create a step-by-step guide to pleasuring her boobs in the bedroom. Both your lady—and her ladies—will be satisfied with these nine simple steps.
Step 1: Understand that not all breasts are the same.
“Each tit is a snowflake,” says sex expert Lora Somoza. Just because something has worked with one partner in the past, that doesn’t mean the same will work for your next partner. “There’s not one specific tip that’s going to be good for every woman. Some women want breast stimulation in the form of tender, soft teasing, and some want it rougher. You have to know your audience,” she says.
Step 2: Start out gently—until you know what she likes.
“Proceed with care and gently trace your fingers over their outer edges,” says sexologist Dr. Jessica O’Reilly. “Run your thumb lightly under the space where they fall and use only your fingertips to caress her as you breathe warm air over nipples. Avoid grabbing or kneading them.”
Step 3: Be a tease.
Dr. O’Reilly stresses that it’s not a bad thing. “Kiss her entire breast, but ignore her nipples for a few minutes,” she says. “Breathe over them provocatively, but don’t make any physical contact until her body is writhing with desire. It may take some self-restraint on your part, but the build-up will be worth it when they tingle as she orgasms.”
Step 4: Communicate… without ruining the mood.
Sure, the idea of talking about your woman’s breast preferences in the heat of the moment doesn’t sound like the sexiest maneuver, but it will benefit both of you in the end. And Dr. Stephen de Wit stresses the importance of doing it in the moment. “It can be a bit awkward to bring up, so while you’re touching or caressing her, say things like ‘Do you like that? Does that turn you on?’ It doesn’t have to be clinical.”
Step 5: Let her be the teacher.
Dr. de Wit also encourages the idea of showing, rather than telling. “By passing the power on to her, she gets to be the teacher, he says. “You can say things like, ‘Touch yourself and show me what you like.’ That can be really erotic.” Dr. O’Reilly suggests trying out positions that let the man hold her breasts in place to get a better idea of her preferences. “Reach around from behind during doggie-style or place her own hands on her breasts as she rides you so she can show you just how she likes to be touched,” she says.
Step 6: Pay attention to her reactions and breathing.
Says de Wit: “Be aware of what’s going on with the rest of her body—her breathing, the way she moans, her flush.” But don’t ignore the breasts themselves: Sexual arousal causes more blood flow to the breasts, and often results in the breast tissue swelling up to 25%. “Reddening of the skin on the breasts and darkening of the areolas are also good signs she’s into it,” he advises.
Step 7: If she likes rougher play, get a little kinky.
“Nipple clamps are awesome, and that slight amount of pressure can be really hot,” Somoza says. “There’s a whole school of thought that women like to have some sort of restraint around their breast—adding a little roughness to it makes them feel sexy.”
Step 8: Use different sensations.
For women who aren’t as adventurous, a combination of hot and cold touches can be as arousing as clamps. “Use ice cubes—it’s almost painful ,and that can be super hot for a lot of women,” Somoza says. She also suggests a lesser-known object: fur mitts. “Different types of material like that can be really pleasurable.”
Step 9: Compliment the ladies.
If you love her breasts, tell her! “Compliments are the most powerful aphrodisiacs, and feeling comfortable in her skin will help to elevate her mood, libido and sexual response,” says Dr. O’Reilly. Gently tease her ladies, and you’ll see how quickly you can up the ante in the bedroom—with just the right touch, you’ll turn good sex into great sex.