At some point in our lives, we tell ourselves lies. If we’re still living with our parents when we’re 30, we might tell ourself that it’s all part of our 80 year plan. If we still haven’t achieved our dream of becoming a superstar actor at the age of 40, we might say that all the best roles come when you’re 50. And if we’re in an unhappy relationship, we might convince ourselves that things will get better soon. But lies such as this screw up our lives, and to make sure you can separate truth from fiction, we’re going take a look at the 10 lies you probably tell yourself if you are in an unhappy relationship.
1. “Time Will Heal This”
If you’ve got some wounds in your relationship that haven’t healed yet – and haven’t healed for over a year – it’s time to stop relying on time, and it’s time to start admitting that this is one issue that needs resolving. If you’re happy in a relationship, you wouldn’t be relying on time – you would be talking to your partner about how to sort out your issues.
2. “At Least this Is Better Than Being Single”
Is being single worse than icy silences, mood swings, arguments, dull lovemaking and TV dinners? The truth is that none of us are better off in a bad relationship than we are when we’re single. An unhappy relationship enchains you, whilst at least you’re free when you’re single. The single life can be hard – but it’s better than being miserable with your partner.
3. “My Relationship Isn’t The Worst”
This lie is the kind you tell that hints that you know you’ve got an unhappy relationship on your hands. You basically tell this lie when you know that things are pretty dire, but to stop yourself from ending it, you say that things could be worse.
“After all, at least he isn’t a serial killer!”
The reality, though, is that, deep down, you know that things couldn’t be worse. Right now, they’re as bad as they can get. And, sure, you can comfort yourself by saying that others have it “much, much worse”, but on a scale of one to ten, how much worse can things really get?
The thing is, you deserve to be in a happier, more loving relationship! You deserve the best!
4. “Things Will Change Once … “
This is the kind of lie you keep saying to yourself after you reach a new set of milestones. First, you might say: “Things will get better once he gets a job.” Then, when he’s got his new job, you realise that, actually, things are still the same.
So you say: “Things will get better once I’ve passed my exams.” Then, when you pass your exams, you realise that things are still the same. This lie could go on and on, and it’s a serious symptom of an unhappy relationship – and a serious sign that it’s time for a change.
5. “Every Relationship Is Like This”
No, every unhappy relationship is like this.
Sure, every relationship has its ups and downs, but happy ones have more ups than they do downs. Happy partners talk to one another about their problems and iron them out. Unhappy relationships are the kind where you feel miserable 24/7, and where you have to fight with everything you’ve got for crumbs of happiness.
6. “Relationships Take Work”
Relationships do take work, but your relationship should not be so much work that it is damaging you both and making you unhappy. A happy relationship doesn’t come ready-made; it comes in kit form, and you have to assemble the parts to piece it together.
But if some of the parts are missing, your relationship will never work and you’ll constantly feel frustrated and unhappy. The end result of work is satisfaction, and if your relationship isn’t giving you that, it means that it just isn’t working.
7. “He Didn’t Mean To Hurt My Feelings”
The first time around he didn’t. Perhaps not even the second, or the third. But the more it happens, and the more you keep repeating this line, the greater the signs are that you’re in an unhappy relationship. This is both a lie and an excuse, and whilst it works at first, it just doesn’t hold weight after over-use.
8. “My Friends Just Don’t Understand Him The Way I Do”
If you and your friends are at odds over your partner, it’s easy for you to trot out the line that they just don’t understand him like you do. He’s too complex, too mysterious for them to get their heads around. He’s too intellectual, too deep. It’s too easy to ignore their concerns and lie to yourself that he’s “different” when he’s alone with you. But this is a common lie that is meant to reassure us that we see what our friends just don’t see. The truth is that your friends often see more than you think.
9. “It’s So Nice That He Just Did That”
Did what? Popped by? Made you coffee? Let you change the channels for five minutes during the Super Bowl’s commercial break?
When you’re in an unhappy relationship, it’s easy to magnify the few good things your partner does for you and get excited by them. When he makes you that first cup of coffee for six months and you say: “That’s so nice. What a good boyfriend. Everyone else was so wrong about him. After all, who else would make me a coffee spontaneously?” It’s essentially a lie to make yourself feel better.
10. “Well, You Can’t Feel Happy Every Day”
True, you can’t feel happy every day, but if you’re in a happy, healthy relationship, you can still feel giddy each day just knowing that you’re around your partner. You can feel lucky, and you can feel optimistic about the future, because you have your partner. If you’re in an unhappy relationship, it can be easy to trot out the rather pessimistic line that, at the end of the day, happiness is just something that comes and goes. No big deal. Let’s get on with it!
Stay happy! You deserve the best!