by Kirsten King
1. You totally have favorites.
2. And least favorites.
3. There are kids you don’t like for literally no reason at all.
It’s just something about her voice. I can’t put my finger on it.
4. You’re just as scared as students are when you get called to the principal’s office.
WHAT DID I DOOOOOO?
5. You gossip about students with other teachers.
“Did you hear Billy got expelled? Kid’s a total shithead.”
6. And you laugh at the dumb stuff kids write on assignments.
7. You don’t always do your own assigned reading.
To be fair, you’ve read The Scarlet Letter twelve times and probably don’t need to.
8. Movie days are for the days you just don’t want to teach.*
*or you had a late night out.
9. If you want a kid to get a B in the class, the kid will probably get a B in the class.
Funny how you failed that test, but got an A on that mediocre essay, huh?
10. You totally crush on students’ parents.
*spends an hour getting ready for parent-teacher conferences*
11. You’re just as uncomfortable seeing your students outside of class.
Please don’t judge me for taking advantage of the TGI Fridays margarita special.
12. You intentionally have hearing problems.
13. Sometimes you curve things because you realize you screwed up and made it too hard.
Sooooo… I couldn’t even pass this. Whoops.
14. You really do have eyes in the back of your head.
Just because I turned around, doesn’t mean I don’t know what you’re doing.
15. You totally DO care what your students think of you.
I’m cool, I swear!
16. You purposely call on kids who you don’t think did their homework.
Dead giveaway: When the teacher asks a question and kids all of the sudden become too fascinated with their spiral bound notebook to look up.
17. When you say you didn’t have time to grade those tests, you were probably doing something fun instead.
Like going out to dinner, or watching Orange Is The New Black, or having a life.
18. You scramble to give graded assignments before finals when you realize your students have only been graded on two things all year.
19. And finally, you have a life outside of school.
Seriously. Teachers get drunk, and have fun, and maybe have danced on a table or two in their day.
