‘And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.’ – Khalil Gibran
If you are going through a separation or a divorce, then it can be one of the most traumatic things that anyone has to go through. You can be caught in a whirlwind of emotions: guilt, grief, blame, anger, sadness…all these feelings can hit you in one go and, somehow, you have to carry on with your normal life at the same time. You will get through it though, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now, and here are 8 tips that we hope will help you:
1. Allow yourself time to grieve in order to heal your heart
Our first tip on how to deal with separation is – don’t bottle things up, let it all out. You can put on a brave face in public, but in private, don’t be afraid to grieve. Separation is a loss and, just as with bereavement, grieving is a part of the healing process, without which you may never be able to let go.
2. Accept the reality
To come to terms with the situation, you first have to accept it. Many people try and fool themselves that a separation is only temporary, that their partner will sense and return. If this is not really the case though, not accepting things for what they really are will only prolong the pain and make things even more difficult to deal with.
3. Don’t beat yourself up about it, it takes two to tango!
Another advice on how to deal with separation is – don’t beat yourself up about it. If you are not careful, you can start to think that it’s your entire fault and have you asking yourself, over and over, where you went wrong. Well, breaking news! It takes two to tango and takes two to both make and break a relationship. You may never know the real reason why things went wrong, sometimes it really is just a case of ‘it simply wasn’t meant to be’.
4. Be strong, stay calm and keep your self-respect
As difficult as it may be, keep your self-respect and don’t start screaming, shouting and looking for revenge, nor go on your knees asking for a reprieve. Remember that you are a human being in your own right and that the pain will heal, you will be able to move on and you can be strong.
5. Don’t make any rash decisions
Another tip on how to deal with separation is – give yourself time to get over this before you start making any big decisions about your life. Selling up and moving to Alaska might seem like a good way to make a clean break of it all now, but you might think differently in a few months’ time, so don’t make any rash decisions just yet.
6. Look for some support
Don’t be ashamed to look for some support, it’s another good and helpful advice on how to deal with separation. It can be a great help if you have someone that you can trust to talk things over with. A good friend or a close family member might be able to look at things a bit clearer than you can at the moment, and will be able to give you some unbiased advice. Be sure, though, to choose a confidant who has no axe to grind on either side, just finding someone to share the bad mouthing of your ex with is not really going to help.
7. If there are children, they must come first
Kids are pretty resilient and having separated or divorced parents is hardly unusual these days, but, how well they cope with the situation, is largely down to you and your ex. Never use the children as a pawn or bargaining chip; they won’t understand this as, despite what you and your ex have gone through, you are still just mum and dad to them.
8. Patience is key for getting over a breakup. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time
Getting over a separation does take time, but you will get over it. Now is not the time though to start thinking about what the future holds, just concentrate on the immediate tasks in hand like looking after yourself and looking after your kids if you have them. You have enough to cope with at the moment, so just take things steady, one day at a time, one step at a time, and you will get through.
How to deal with separation? Do you have some other tips to share?