Single girls get a bad deal – either thought of as desperate and lonely, crying into a pillow in their pyjamas or trawling West End bars five nights a week in a last ditch attempt to meet a fella who might save them from a life on the shelf.
Utter tripe – being single has never been so fun.
To do what you want, when you want – without having to justify your spontaneous decision to run down your local high street semi-naked at three in the morning after two bottles of Prosecco and five Jagerbombs to a sulky partner at home.
2. Financial control
Thirty-seven pounds a week on magazines, half a month’s salary on a pair of shoes and forty-five quid on a cab home from the West End after a night out with the girls.
Sorry, did you say something?
3. Remote control
It would be silly of me to suggest that all single women spend their evenings watching Sex in the City with their girlfriends debating whether they are more like Carrie or Samantha … but at least now you have the option.
4. Bush maintenance
If, for no other reason, being single should be celebrated because you can get back to nature and lay off the waxing for a few months.
Oh look at that, after four years of being in a relationship, I’ve just discovered I can survive without a boyfriend … and that I now have pubic hair on my knees.
5. Masturbating on the sofa in a dressing gown
The vibrator – every single girl’s new best friend. Who gives a s**t if it can’t cuddle you after – you’ve just had an orgasm in between brushing your teeth and finishing off last weeks copy of OK! magazine.
And haven’t even had to return the favour. Boom.
6. Pretending to be nice
… to mother-in-laws, bitchy sisters, a***hole friends, ex-girlfriends who are friends but clearly still want to sleep with your boyfriend – when you could be on the sofa in a dressing gown. #nocontest
7. Toilet liberation
Running taps to disguise the sound of going to the bathroom? Holding it in until you get home? Praying to the sweet Lord that his bedroom isn’t next to the bathroom and he keeps the TV on?
Things of the past, my friend, things of the past.
8. Random activities
Basket weaving, ukelele, tantric sex, anti-austerity marches in East London in the hope that Russell Brand might see you and want to sh*g you?
The world is your oyster … no judgment here.
9. Storage hunters
X box, skid marks,Top Gear, Ross Kemp on Gangs, duvet hogging, farting, burping, blow-jobs, tea-bagging and weekends watching the Premier league.
Things you will, categorically, not miss out on being single.
10. Kitchen control
A packet of M&S sweet chilli prawns and 4 double G&T’s for dinner.
Don’t mind if I do.
11. Not being part of a smug couple
Cameron Diaz? Jennifer Lawrence? Scarlett Johansson? … SO much sexier single.