We suggest printing out this handy list of the white, gray, and black lies that you’re most likely to come across when dealing with the male sex. You never know when you’ll need it for reference.
1. “I don’t have a girlfriend/wife.” Oh, yeah? Well, you sure look like you do.
2. “I’m not drunk.” Dude, we can smell the PBRs on your breath from here. Give us a break. ‘Fess up to your booze fest.
3. “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.” Translation: “I’m not looking for a relationship with YOU right now.” That’s OK. We’re on to the next one.
4. “I don’t want to talk about it.” If the most common lie women tell is, “I’m fine,” the male version is, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Yes, you do. In fact, you already are.
5. “I’m not interested in you just for the sex.” Gotcha. We should probably do stuff other than, you know, have sex. If that’s the case.
6. “I always wear a condom.” Also, Santa Claus is real. And I’m dating the Easter Bunny. And Thomas Jefferson is my BFF.
7. “I’m leaving her for you.” Quit talking about it and do it already.
8. “I’ll call you.” O RLY?
9. “I don’t think she’s that pretty.” We love it when you lie like this. Tell this lie all the time. This lie is good.
10. “I don’t watch porn.” No way! Me neither! Porn is terrible! Vomiting noises.