by Olufemi Ajasa
When it comes to romance, Nigerian men are known to be actively engaging. Apart from their culture of carrying the financial burden of relationship with women, they harness every opportunity to appeal to their lovers, be it on social-network sites, in their respective offices, religious organizations, gym centers, parks, clubs among others.
Despite the many romantic attributes that could be said of men in Nigeria, women still hold a contrary account about them. Predominant among the contrary views women hold against men here is that no matter how romantic they are, getting them to the altar for marriage could be very challenging.
So, what are those factors that scare Nigerian men away from marriage? We have tried to compile some reasons that make most men feel jittery to converse on ‘Marriage’ as topic, feel free to add yours if not in our list.
1. No wife materials
Common among some men is the reservation that there is scarcity of ‘wife-materials’ in Nigeria. In this case, they are not referring to ladies not being in quantifiable distribution among men, what they are complaining about is that most ladies of this generation lack the necessary attributes that will qualify them for the lifetime commitment called marriage. If this is the case, time of quality search can help heal the wound of such man.
2. They get sex freely without marriage than in time past
Realizing now that they can get sex more easily than in times past, when ‘virginity’ for women was a pass value to marriage, some men now feel lot of women today have lost it when it comes to keeping themselves whole. But, this might not be the fault of women as promiscuity is not an exclusive act than can be carried out without the consent of either gender.
3. Nigeria weddings are expensive
In a country where a man is expected to marry a woman in three different kinds of wedding- Religious, Traditional and Court, the cost of marriage no doubt is something men find very intimidating. As of last year, the average Nigeria wedding cost something like N500,000 and the it goes upward from that to more unimaginable cost. For most people, especially in this economy, that’s a lot of money. But all we advise is that men should try and cut their coat according to their material
4. In search of a ‘working class’
Today, most Nigerian men are in search of a wife capable of sharing financial responsibilities with them. Gone are the days when men marry ‘full-house-wives’, the increasing cost of living has tilted most men in favor of ladies who have a means of livelihood and willing to share with their man, the burden of building a home.
5.Fear of freedom
There is a common belief among some men that marriage puts an end to one’s freedom. Single men today are much more proud about not being dependent and being on their own. They fear marriage because they will become answerable for every action they take to their spouse. That is one big responsibility some men are not ready to take up.
One of the predominant question most men will secretly ask themselves before making the decision to marry are, Will my partner make agitated about me being in office for long hours? Will he or she understand my love for my career? These are cogent questions and answering these questions could slow the decisive actions to be taken on marriage plans.
7. Unrealistic Expectations from In-laws
Some parents have set certain standards for anyone who will marry their child, either way be it that such expectations are from the groom parent’s or bride, the regulations sometimes affect relationships. If the expectations are behavioral, the challenge might be little but e are some discouraging situations where parents decide the profession qualifications, properties, etc that must be acquired by the suitor before they can give out their child to him in marriage.
8. Trust issues
Most times, people fear to get committed into a relationship because of trust issues. Some men have been bruised in their past relationships and therefore they don’t want to put themselves out there.
9. Bad Testimonies from Married couple
Generally, most men get intimidated by marriage as a result of the testimonies they hear from those in marriage. Before getting into marriage talks, it is a common thing among men to ask their brothers, friends who are already married on how the social institution is and the testimonies they get are most times discouraging, as such they fear their marriage will be a replica of the testimonies they have gathered.
10. Cultural limitations
Nigeria is a country with diverse culture and The diversity sometimes create challenges for men who are in search of women with similar culture. The good thing though is that those who endeavor to explore inter-cultural relationships get the opportunity to gain an in-depth appreciation of other customs.