by Kamal Sucharan Burri
“Always start a relationship by asking: Do I have ulterior motives for wanting to relate to this person? Is my caring conditional? Am I trying to escape something? Am I planning to change the person? Do I need this person to help me make up for a deficiency in myself? If your answer to any of these questions is “yes,” leave the person alone. He or she is better off without you.”
Love is the most elusive factor we constantly battle with; yet we continue to crave for love. However, most of us constantly face rejections. Here are the possible outcomes why some people have frequent breakups.
1. They never fix their perimeters.
The common mistake is that we constantly loose our ego boundaries when we are in love. It’s ok to lose now and then; sometimes losing is winning too. However if it were a habit, you would succumb to the will of your partner leaving all your integrity at stake resulting in a conflict.
Never forget: Do not loose ego boundaries
2. They literally “FALL” in love.
Love is eternal; infatuation is hormonal; it gives you an initial push—most of us fall for it and whine after few days asserting that, “Love fades away.” Love never fades away, infatuation does. Love is hard work and you will get what you give.
Never forget: “Love is not infatuation”
3. They fail to express.
The lump in the throat is pretty normal when you decide to express your love. Make yourself vulnerable by daring to be honest; you will be surprised by the results. Don’t say that your partner has to understand; be expressive—what comes from the heart touches the heart.
Never forget: If you love someone, express
4. They justify pity as “LOVE.”
Being sensitive is strength, but also a weakness. If someone comes and share their sob story, we tend to incline. It is perfectly all right to love them too, but reconsider several times whether it is pity or love. Pity and love are too different emotions. If you love out of pity, you end up in pit.
Never forget: Pity is not love
5. They desperately try to prove their love.
“How can you prove something which is intangible? Most of us desperately try to prove that we love truly, madly and deeply. We have to care and share out of abundance not out of compulsion to prove something. Love is not science to prove; it’s an abstract feeling.
Never forget: Love has to be felt, not proved
6. They love to attain “STATUS.”
Love is not a calculation to conceive all possible balancing factors and take the decision. Love always denies social order. All the greatest love stories have gravest challenges. If you consider your options, love is limited to a business deal and sadly it is not love.
Never forget: Love has nothing to do with social order
7. They have fixed mindsets.
Mind maps have to be regularly restructured to understand the paradoxes of life. Having fixed mindsets would result in constricted thinking that lead to predicaments. If we have fixed mindsets, we never evolve in relationships because what we argue is just an interpretation, not the truth.
Never forget: There are no truths, only interpretations
8. They try to fill their empty hearts.
“Only an abundant heart can share, not an empty heart.”
Love yourself first and let the love overflow so as to share with others. Empty hearts are craving and conditional, abundant hearts are unconditional and complete.
Never forget: Only abundant hearts can share love
9. They try to change the partner.
Change is inevitable but cannot be forced. So trust the process, expecting the partner to change is stupidity; love is all about embracing imperfections. Let us not make our partners perfect; let us love them with all their imperfections because they have to do the same for us.
Never forget – Change is personal, cannot be compelled
10. They desperately chase love.
If it is not mutual, it is not love. So stop chasing and manipulating. Love is like a butterfly: as long as we chase, we won’t catch. Once we are busy in our own endeavors, love silently rests upon us. Do what you love to do and the love will follow.
Never forget: Never ever chase love
Kamal Sucharan Burri is a Filmmaker by conviction and Entrepreneur by choice. Being an avid reader, kamal loves to explore topics on philosophy, life and Cinema. He is also the founder of Newlight Cinemas which strives to carve niche with sensible storytelling.