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Monday, February 26, 2024

25 Sexual Experiences All Women Will Go Through Before They Turn 25

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There’s no denying that sexual preference is completely and utterly personal, right girls? What is weird to some is wonderful to others – while some of it is just plain harrowing all round. And however weird and wonderful your experiences so far, there’s someone else out there going through exactly the same thing. Well, almost.

Here’s a list of 25 of the most memorable moments that are likely to have featured in your sexual history so far. Enjoy!

1. That one guy that honestly believes thrusting his fingers in a way that means his fingertips touch your ovaries will give you an orgasm. Clue: It won’t.

2. Attempting to have sex in the bath. Sounds like something they do in films. In actual fact it results in 72 per cent of the soapy bath water splattered across your bathroom floor. And also, water doesn’t equal wet private parts. Who knew?

3. Having al fresco sex and losing your pants. Oh, and probably your dignity too.

4. Trying to have anal, realising it feels like how you imagined a rhinoceros attacking you would feel, stopping immediately.

5. Going to an Ann Summers party, trying on a sexy nurse outfit and buying a vibrator. Best. Friday. Night. Ever.

6. And consequently having your first orgasm. Oh, so that fuzzy feeling before wasn’t one?

7. Being invited to your first boy/girl sleepover and planning your pyjamas for 67 days beforehand. Then when the night comes getting to listen to your friend get fingered. Yay.

8. Making out with most of your female friends whenever you’ve had more than two pineapple Bacardi Breezers. You’re so messy and out there. Are you bisexual? Who knows.

9. Having someone (a parent) knock on your door while you’re trying out a position called The Backwards Spider Hanging Handstand. You *might* still have a dodgy elbow from trying to pull the duvet over your naked body quick enough.

10. Meeting a boy on holiday. Believing you’ll get married. And consequently still to this day keeping an over-eager eye on his Facebook page. Just because, y’know, holiday romances and that.

11. Believing that melted chocolate on a naked body is a good idea. It’s not FYI.

12. Having a hicky. Trying to cover said hicky with foundation. Failing. Getting told off. If I want a big gigantic purple bruise on my neck, I’ll have one, OK? It’s a sign of love.

13. Being as unsure about how to perform a decent blow job as you were about performing an algebra sum on the white board. It just sounded so darn difficult.

14. Driving somewhere in your car with the sole intention of having sex. Not being able to find anywhere secluded enough. Going home and eating pudding instead.

15. Watching porn and feeling like it was the seediest, most wrong, un-female thing to do ever. It wasn’t.

16. Convincing your boyfriend that if he has sex with you while you’re on your period, your bed won’t actually turn into some sort of harrowing murder scene. THERE ISN’T THAT MUCH BLOOD GUYS.

17. Dry sex. As in pretending to have sex while fully-clothed because you just weren’t ready to jump head-first into the big deed.

18. Attempting to have wild, amazing going-for-it sex… on a bunk bed. Or on one of those high cabin beds with a desk and futon underneath. Ideally at your mate’s house party.

19. When you’re all geared up and ready to go and he’s too drunk, and his dick is not doing anything except looking like a dead slug. FFS.

20. Drinking too much Strongbow at a festival, meeting a man with better face glitter than you and ending up in his tent. Your bum hurts the minute you lie on the floor, you smell funkier than a piece of Boxing Day brie, and everyone within a 10m radius can hear you. Cool.

21. Putting on a corset, French knickers, stockings and patent New Look heels. Believing you’ll feel like Pamela Anderson. Finding out you don’t. Wanting the ground to eat you whole.

22. Having to confirm to your GP that yes, you have been sexually active of late, and yes, that is probably why you have cystitis. NOW can you have the antibiotics, pretty please?

23. Squirting and being unsure about whether you’ve just genuinely ejaculated or whether you’ve just done a tiny baby wee. Eek.

24. Thinking for about 37 seconds, while drunk on a £5 bottle of white wine, that you could probably have a threesome. Then remembering that you’re not in Gossip Girl and continuing about your evening as normal.

25. And finally, nobody be sick but… having the sort of sex that makes you think, ‘yeah, it really is as good as Hollywood makes it look. I’ve done well here’.

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