If only we could all look like movie stars, life would be so much easier, wouldn’t it? Or maybe not, because someone might come up with new beauty criteria. However we look at it, it’s good to feel attractive, even though it has its downside, and that’s feeling being attractive just for your looks. Yet, many of us firmly believe that they’d rather be thought of as just a pretty face, than an intelligent but unattractive, plain-looking person. When we feel unattractive we also tend to lack self-confidence, but if we don’t believe in ourselves and don’t feel confident, how can we come to terms with the way we look and start feeling better about ourselves? It’s a vicious circle and here’s how you can break it.
1. Stop being so hard on yourself and accept your wonderful uniqueness
OK, so you’re not Emma Stone’s lost twin, so what? Did you know that, according to experts, people around you actually perceive you as 20% more attractive than you’d think? This is because we are supercritical when we look at ourselves in the mirror. While we’re young, we might well believe mummy and daddy when they say: “You’re the most beautiful girl”, but then school time comes and we inevitably start comparing ourselves to others. That’s how many people start believing the lie that they are unattractive. Accept yourself just the way you are and embrace your own wonderful uniqueness, this is where your true power lies!
2. There is not one single person on the face of the planet, whom absolutely everyone finds attractive
Another tip on how to become more confident is to understand one simple truth: just because you don’t look like the people around you doesn’t mean you are actually unattractive. First of all, it’s important to remember that beauty standards change. Second, as we’ve already pointed out, you are certainly looking at yourself with a more critical eye, than anyone else. Third, nobody is attractive or unattractive to everyone, and that’s because different people have different tastes. There are men who wouldn’t smooch Angelina Jolie for all the money in the world, for example, and that’s a fact. Every single one of us is attractive to someone, and that is a very uplifting thought, we believe.
3. It’s not just plain black and white
The reason why each and every one of us is attractive for, at least, a few other people is that we all have good features, as well as flaws. We often like to remind you that nobody is perfect, and that’s a good time to do it again. But also, we need to remind you another thing – nobody is totally and completely ugly, beyond redemption. That’s just nonsense. Everyone of us can remember something like, once meeting a guy with a hare lip and the most stunningly gorgeous blue eyes in the world. If you get something taken away, you usually get something in return, always.
4. Focus on your strong points and good features, rather than flaws
Another tip on how to become more confident is to try and focus on your strong points. After you finally get your head around the idea that you have, for example, beautiful eyes, long legs, gorgeous hair or gracious hands, or whatever it is that you like about yourself, it’s time to start focusing on these things (there will be more than one, if you’re honest rather than overcritical). Instead of sighing about your thin, lifeless hair, or your chubby legs, look at your mouth, or your perfect nose, or your naturally curly eyelashes that all those pretty girls around would kill for. Let’s repeat this important point: we all have good features, and it’s just common sense to appreciate them, as they deserve to be appreciated. Oh, and by the way, you know what? A lot of men would rather stroke chubby legs, than meatless bones anyway.
5. Learn to graciously accept a compliment
Say you’re very thin and you feel utterly unattractive, because you just can’t get your weight up. Then, imagine that somebody compliments you on your gracefulness. You’ll probably think that this person is just being nice, trying to avoid telling you that you’re downright ugly but why don’t you accept the compliment for what it is and just say ‘thank you’? A statement that emphasizes a beautiful feature of your body that you may or may not have noticed? False compliments are easy to spot and you can ignore those, but take the honest ones to heart, because they are true. You’ll see how much better you’ll feel about yourself when you stop trying to convince yourself that everybody’s lying to make you feel less miserable about yourself.
6. Dive deeper
We know that beauty is skin-deep for many, and we also know that this is what matters above all else for a lot of people. The question is: should you be one of those people? Did you not watch “The Theory of Everything”? OK, so you might be tired of your face being rubbed into stuff like this, that being smart is better than being beautiful, blah-blah-blah. Here’s a fact, though: psychologists know that attractiveness is comprised of not just your looks, it includes your behaviour as well, and your inner shine, so to speak. In other words, being smart, being funny, being easy-going or passionate about the things that interest you will significantly enhance your attractiveness, even if you find yourself lacking in the physical department. So, don’t be afraid of being yourself, accept what you have and don’t have, and be happy in the confidence that you are among the minority of people who are fully aware of their strong and weak points alike.