The first 365 days after a couple say ‘I do’ can be the most challenging in their entire marriage. This is not surprising. Marriage tends to be a union of two individuals with two different lives and families coming together to form their own family. The first year is usually the period spent fighting the tuft wars and settling them in the marriage.
Here are 6 tips from our friends at The Times of India that could help you sail through your first year of marriage.
1. Define Roles and share responsibilities: Both partners often assume that the other partner will take on certain rolesin the relationship. When these expectations are not discussed, problems arise. “Make sure both of you define household roles and equally share responsibilities like bill payments, cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc based on each other’s availability of time. This will ensure neither is overworked,” says Sadhana Patil, an expert in family affairs.
2. Manage in-laws: If you are living in a joint family, you need to decide how much interference from parents is okay for both of you. Make sure this is well-communicated to both sets of parents to avoid misunderstandings.
3. Sort out monetary issues: Planning household expenses is difficult. “Couples generally end up blaming each other for going over budget. Make sure you plan your finances right in the beginning of the month. First, factor in important stuff like loans, utility bills, fuel, groceries, etc. and then plan other things like entertainment, vacations, parties, etc,” says Padma Rewari, a relationship counsellor.
4. Be the change: Most couples accuse each other of changing post marriage. Wedding counsellor Gargi Fernandes says, “These changes result due to adjustments that each one makes for the marriage to work. Try and change things in yourself that you think need improvement; do not always expect it from your partner”.
5. Avoid blame-game: It’s easy to blame each other for the mistakes that happen in a relationship, but it’s difficult to take the onus. Try to console each other when such situations arise, other than playing the blame game. Padma advises not to pile up issues; instead, talk it out. This will help you resolve matters quickly and make sure you do not repeat the same mistake.
6. Don’t use sex as a weapon: Remember that sex is an expression of love. Do not play with this emotion when in a fight. However, if you think ‘making love’ can help solve differences, go ahead!