After years and years of awkward dates and not-so-great luck with free online dating sites, I finally decided to get serious about meeting Mr. Right. Yes, I joined “the paid dating site we shall not name”. While I’d grown accustomed to the “three messages and meet” rule (you know, to help avoid spending too much time communicating with an excellent writer who happens to be beastly in person), I was not as prepared for the hilariously rude, pre-programmed questions the site wanted me to send to potential love interests to see if we’d make a great match. Check out the ones that made me literally laugh out loud (since crying might be a tad too dramatic). You’ll find the actual (yes, real life) questions along with what I consider to be the, ahem, appropriate answers.
1. HOW OFTEN DO YOU EXERCISE?
Riddle me this: Would anyone in their right mind communicate with a person on an online dating site who didn’t have a photo? Right. So, this question is actually asking, “What do you look like naked?”
Hey, my eyes are up here, buddy.
2. IF YOU WERE TO MARRY, HOW MANY CHILDREN WOULD BE IDEAL?
This seems like a conversation you should have on, like, at least the 10th date. I’m not a baby factory, sir.