Craving a little extra excitement in the bedroom? (Who isn’t? ?)
Below, sex therapists share the go-to advice they give couples looking to take their sex lives to the next level.
“Too often people try to force themselves to orgasm or rush to have an orgasm that would be more satisfying if they built to it slowly. While there’s nothing wrong with a quick encounter, try building to a slow burn and realize you don’t both have to come at the same time, as long as you both enjoy what you are doing and stay connected. Pace yourselves, build slowly to orgasms and play off each other. It’s OK and even good to build excitement, slow down and build it back up. Lower and raise the intensity until you choose to let go and have an orgasm.” ― Gracie Landes, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist in New York City
“I always tell my clients that their bedroom should be reserved for two things: sleep and sex. To that end, the bedroom should be a no-tech zone. It’s pretty hard to reach over and cuddle when your partner is exploring Instagram rather than your body. If you need some entertainment, an X-rated movie might lay the groundwork for a super hot night of sex. So could turning on a candle and reading each other some erotica ― I’m sure eventually you can find even better entertainment under the sheets.” ― Anna Randall, a sex therapist and sex researcher in San Francisco, California
“I work with a lot of women and men who over time, feel personally challenged by the changes in how their bodies look and feel. Sexy is a state of mind, regardless of your age or size. So often, we can turn ourselves off, long before our partner even enters the bedroom. Embrace your sexy. Your energy absolutely affects your partner. Find the tools in your personal toolbox to turn yourself on, whether it’s what you wear, the smile on your face, the relaxation you feel when you light your favorite candle. We all have a responsibility and opportunity to embrace our inner sexy. Do it and I promise, you’ll reap the rewards in the bedroom.” ― Megan Fleming, a psychologist and sex therapist in New York City
“Who knows your erotic response better than you? Does your S.O. know the special little sensation that trips your switch? Let them in on the secret. Make yourself comfortable next to your partner and take turns watching as you pleasure yourself to orgasm. It’s fascinating and can be incredibly intimate. Trust me, watching how a man brings himself to orgasm could be possibly one of the most educational and hot things you ever do. Snuggle down between his legs and watch. And for those of you with a clitoris, take your partners hand in yours and guide it back and forth with just the right pressure and on that perfect spot. Have them hold you and feel you rhythmically rock your hips against your favorite pillow while it’s tucked deeply between your thighs. Whatever works for you, show your S.O. When you’re done, cuddle up and share what you learned. Maybe you felt a little embarrassed or surprised but you just upped the intimacy factor in your sex life.” ― Anna Randall
“I’m not talking about a glance, I mean a true gaze. Gazing into your S.O.’s eyes can actually activate arousal and foster intimacy. I’ve witnessed the power of the gaze in my office thousands of times. For many couples, it is an extremely awkward task. Because the gaze is so intimate, many couples avoid this powerful aphrodisiac. They feel too vulnerable. But this exercise can be a powerful and therapeutic intervention for couples who want to reconnect or take their connection to an even deeper level.” ― Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a sex therapist in Los Angeles, California
“A lot of couples I speak to agree that they would like to have sex more often, but being busy with their lives and preoccupied gets in the way of spontaneous sex. Try to make sex happen by planning a sexual experience with your partner way beforehand, early in the day. Think about how you’d like it to play out. How would you like to diverge from the regular choreography you usually engage in? Nothing is sexier for your partner than realizing that you have been planning a sexual indulgence for you. Plus, you can get yourself into the groove before you even get physical by thinking and fantasizing about the upcoming experience.” ― Ursula Ofman, a psychologist and sex therapist in New York City
“Fantasy is underrated. You’d be surprised how few couples actually have conversations about their sexual preferences, expectations and fantasies. Many of my clients are either embarrassed by their erotic fantasies or have no access to them. Fleshing out your erotic script and sharing it with your partner can be extraordinarily liberating and erotic. Many of my clients assume that their partner is either not interested in their sexual fantasies or wouldn’t be receptive to hearing about them (let alone be willing to participate). But I’ve seen couples in sexless marriages re-initiate sex after exploring fantasy in my office. Experiencing your partner as a separate sexual being who has a rich fantasy life can be quite a turn-on.” ― Kimberly Resnick Anderson
This article is culled from HuffPost.