When I was young and impressionable, I assumed that picking the right partner would be super easy. I had a picture in my head of what I wanted my Prince Charming to look like, and I believed it would only be a matter of time before I met him. We’d meet at a Backstreet Boys concert, miss our train home by mistake and fall madly in love as we talked in the lonely city after dark.
Then, when I turned 30, I realised that, actually, finding the right match is so gosh darn hard. My Prince Charming didn’t exist, and if he did he was hiding. Instead, I was stumbling from one bad relationship to another, dating losers and bums who were going nowhere in life.
Worse still, I was going nowhere in life.
Then I read an article by a top psychologist who got me thinking about dating as an art form. When treated as an art form, finding the right match actually becomes easier. I’ve learned a lot in recent years and am now happily married to the man of my dreams. Here are my 10 top tips when it comes to choosing the right match.
Don’t Make A Choice Just Because You Feel You Have To
Lots of young women are scared that if they don’t meet a man ASAP they’ll get left on the shelf. Fear of being alone is very scary. Sure it is. But it’s much better that you wait for the right guy than throw yourself into a bad relationship simply because you’re scared of what the alternative is.
There is nothing wrong with waiting, and there is certainly nothing wrong with being single for a while. Embrace your freedom and remember that love doesn’t happen when you go chasing it; it comes when you’re least expecting it.
Listen To Everything They Say About Themselves
This is an important one, because a guy will usually set their stall out pretty quickly regarding who they are as a person and what they want from a relationship. If he tells you that he drinks too much or finds it hard to commit, take this is a warning sign straight away that he isn’t the right guy for you.
Lots of women think they can change a man, but most of the time it’s impossible – and a helluva lot of hard work.
Be Careful Not To Get Serious Too Quickly
When I met my first boyfriend, I actually thought he was the One immediately. Although he wasn’t the Prince Charming of my dreams, he was simply divine to me.
As such, I threw myself into the relationship heart and soul, and committed myself 100%. Unfortunately, it soon transpired that he wasn’t actually all that keen on a serious relationship while he was still young. He had lots of plans and ambitions. We broke it off after three months and I was devastated.
The harder you go into a relationship straight away, the harder you will fall. It’s best to take things easy and assess a situation before making a huge commitment.
Surprise Yourself With Who You Date
Have you ever turned someone down because they’re not your “type”? I sure have. Indeed, many of us have.
But making such an instant decision about someone simply based on a few superficial things might mean that you’re missing out on the right match. Why not give people a chance who you usually would turn down? You’ve got nothing to lose, and it may turn out that, once you get to know them, you find that you’re actually in love with this person.
Find Someone Who Makes You Giggle
Laughter in any relationship is hugely important, and should probably be a deal breaker. If a man can’t make you laugh, you’re going to find it tough to overcome obstacles with them.
A great sense of humour is a classic trait that we all look for in men – and for good reason. If a guy can’t laugh at himself, you might find that those rainy days turn into stormy ones.
Choose Someone You Know Your Parents Will Love
Although your parents should definitely not tell you who is good for you and who isn’t, their approval is still a good barometer from which to gauge how right a man is for you. If you know that a certain guy will find it hard to get along with your parents, you might want to think carefully whether he’s really right for you.
Throw Away A Checklist
I had a checklist of all the traits my Prince Charming should have. He had to have blonde hair, abs, a winning smile, shiny white teeth, a well-paying job, a car, a loving mom and a whole lot more.
Once I’d dated a few guys and turned down a few, I realised that I had to throw what was now my mental checklist away. Why? Because it’s impossible to find a man who suits every single criteria you have. Love doesn’t happen like that. You can’t dismiss a guy because he doesn’t measure up to one of your ideals. For any relationship to work, there has to be more than a great job and a smooth car; there has to be emotional compatibility.
Don’t Focus On Lust
I’ve done the whole lust thing and it isn’t always pretty. Sure, it starts like a train but eventually you realise that lust alone is not enough to satisfy you.
I’ve gone out with hot guys and turned out less-hot guys simply because I found the magnetic chemistry irresistible.
Unfortunately, I found the lack of substance a huge turn-off. It’s all about about finding the right balance, and it’s important that you don’t let lust be your sole guide here.
Online dating is still relatively new, and although I have used dating sites in the past, they certainly weren’t there for me during my error-strewn twenties.
Online dating sites are a great way to be selective and pick out the right match, separating the wheat from the chaff. You can get a good feel for a person by how they talk online. For example, positive, engaging language is a good sign that a guy is going to be a hit.
Go To The Right Places
Lastly, in order to meet the right man, it’s important that you go to the places where you know you could potentially meet a guy with the same interests as you.
If you like art, try a gallery.
If you like sports, go to a soccer game.
If you like cars, go to a classic car show.
Don’t stick to the bar routine but venture further.
How to find the right guy? What are your best tips?