I have been following what is now popularly called #Piggate in the UK; a funny but sordid story which involves British Prime Minister, David Cameron.
A guy named Ashcroft reveals in a new book that David Cameron once stuck his genitals into a dead pig when Cameron was in College, as part of the initiation rituals of a college society he joined. And the reports say pictures of that act exist.
Trust the British with their wry sense of humour. It’s been the best of puns and jeers for Cameron these past couple of days. Classic play on words too.
While I find it bizarre that anyone would go that length to join a college society, I think Cameron’s initiation is mild compared to the ones which have gone on for years in some Nigerian Universities.
In all my life, I have never and would never join any cult or society which requires some secret or crazy initiation. In fact, I don’t even belong to any society or even voluntary organisation, come to think of it save for a couple of months stint as a Boy Scout in 1983 for the 11th Benin Troupe or something and I found out that the motives of many boys then in joining was just to wear the scouts uniform and hold horsewhips to flog other ‘civilian’ students at public functions and that wasn’t part of my personal inclinations as a lad then, so I quit.
I cannot fathom why one would wish to join a campus cult and part of the requirements by such cults would be a thorough beating of the new initiated by older members! Absolute rubbish! I want to join una, then una must come beat me to join una! Incredible!
In my first year in UNN, one of my two roommates then said to me, one morning;
‘ Charles, Blue Bats ( not real name of the cult; changed in case libel issues) are recruiting new members this evening. I want to join. They said I can come with a member. I gave them your name. So, do you want to follow me tonight?’
The hot akamu I was spooning turned cold instantly. Is this how people will just rope other people’s destinies into theirs? I wondered. Did this idiot just tell me that he submitted my name to a dreaded campus cult without my consent and without my knowledge? I stared at him as he stared back at me, unflinchingly.
I was barely eighteen years of age and I knew my answer to him had to be one which would floor him and leave him befuddled.
So I replied; ‘ Aaah, I can’t join Blue Bats o. Or any other cult at that. My mother pulled my ears before I left home that I should not join any secret society.’ I said this with a small frown on my face and a sulking tone like a spoilt child. That confounded him because he didn’t know what to make of it.
‘You are a baby!’ He said and never asked me again. That was what I wanted anyway.
That evening, he left for the initiation. Early the next morning, at about 4 a.m , he opened the door. Immediately I made to put on the lights from the switch by my bed.
‘Don’t put on the lights’ He growled and crawled into his bed under his bedclothes and slept off. Later in the morning, I and my other roommate gasped as we saw his fair-skin covered with marks of whips and machete cuts. That dude was ill and bedridden for 2 weeks after that night.
Me wey nor gree join cult come turn to Nurse to dey take care of the mugu wey go join to receive the beating of his life!
So, if it’s true that all David Cameron did was to stick his penis in the mouth of a dead pig, then I’m sure that many students would join that kind of cult were it to be Nigeria. Knowing how stupid our own dey be for here, I can bet that someone in Nigeria would change the rules and ask new members to screw the pig to death first, before taking such pictures as Cameron did! Na so we dey do our own.
Our Nigerian Politicians have done worse than what Cameron is alleged to have done, if you probe their antecedents. If it was a pig Cameron stuck his ‘pork’ into, then you can bet some of ours stuck theirs into corpses for initiations.
The Judgement Day will certainly ‘Bacon’ for all of them one day!
Charles Novia is an award-winning filmmaker. He is founder of November Productions and November Records. Connect with him on Facebook.
The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author.