by Nick Hoss
Taking too long to catch her—if you walk past a woman for more than three seconds, you’ll have to run to catch up with her. Your body goes from a calm state of walking, to noticing the woman and getting anxious, to running and panicking. By the time you open, your chest feels constricted, and you’re shorten, all while you’re trying to smile and keep a steady tone. It’s too much.
Instead, see the girl, tell yourself “I need to approach her,” turn and go. That’s it. Ride the pelvic rush and project some decisive masculine energy. All of your subcommunications align and you feel more in the moment when you spot and react. In turn, the gears in your mind lube up because you focus on the excited feeling, not “I have to do X, Y and Z when I finally reach her.”
Too much distance between you and her on the approach or during the interaction—this always starts when you approach her from too great of a distance. Even when you are decisive in approaching, if you stop her at further than an arm’s length or you are stretching to reach her, there’s too much space. (You also shouldn’t be so close that you have to coil your arm to touch her shoulder.)
Ideally, be within that arm’s length when you first contact her and be close enough that you could do a basketball pivot to face her. This means if you are walking south and she north, you turn back and stop her so you both turn in facing east-west. This makes it a mutual meeting—not confrontational but not taking a non-assertive (beta) position. It also makes it that much harder for her to walk off in first few seconds.
You’ll want to be at the edge of her comfort zone during set as well, which again is within an arm’s length. (Less than a full, outstretched arm.) If you and her can’t feel comfortable in each other’s space, how would you feel comfortable on a date?… or at least that is what she is picking up on through subcommunications.
Too jerky tapping her on the shoulder/too much lingering initial touch—first, to clear a misconception: you don’t need to tap her on the arm in order to stop her. In fact, I feel it is more powerful if you can cultivate a depth of voice that grabs her attention instead.
The tap on the shoulder is just a secondary means. It’s not a fancy “kino” move; it’s used so she knows you are talking to her instead of stranger or to grab her attention over exterior noise/her headphones.
How fast and heavy should you touch her during these times? A slight bit longer than is needed for her to turn her head. The amount of pressure when tapping her should be tantamount to what you’d use to do a golf clap—enough so she just feels it. Keep your hand on the shoulder for one full second. She’s not as hot as a stovetop, but you’re not giving her a massage either.
If you do focus on this for ten straight sets, you can gauge the proper touch.
Not being deliberate with eye contact on the opener—direct openers are ballsy, but if you can’t see her pupils, the balls will drop right out of your opener. If you can barely look her, a stranger, in the eye when you’re reciting your prolific story of being taken aback by her stunning femininity, she won’t take you seriously. Oh, she’ll believe that you like her look, but she won’t feel the genuine feeling that a direct opener should have.
When you’re delivering the actual opener, I would recommend keeping eye contact for 90 per cent of it. After that, maintain direct eye contact around 75 per cent of the time when you’re talking and 40 per cent when she is talking. Once you get comfortable in set and have a real, interested conversation, the eye contact will take care of itself. (When you’re not making direct eye contact, focus on her mouth.)
Once honed, you’ll want to learn to drop your eye contact as you pause in your opener. Every guy who gets to an intermediate comfort with day game notices that openers eventually don’t hit, even when it flows like a waterfall. This is due to the nature of the day game direct opener…
Think about it: you stopped this woman because you thought she was “gorgeous” and you would be “kicking” yourself “all day” if you didn’t come to meet her. Would a woman with a pull that strong—enough to turn a man around in his tracks—get approached with a flawless line? No. Flawless lines sound rehearsed, almost fake or emotionless. Without emotion, the opener just won’t work.
Learn to drop your eye contact, be a bit bashful and throw in a slight “um” when you first tell her what made you turn around. This makes it an experience for her, not just a pick-up. She gets guys trying to pick her up all the time. Be genuine or have genuine intent.
Not using hand gestures for emphasis while speaking—This can feel awkward at first.
Day game is different in that you usually don’t have something to lock-in against, so you feel extra exposed. Of course, you’re too smart to cross your arms, but it’s nearly as bad to leave them hanging at your waist or hiding in your pockets.
Keep your hands just below your rib cage. If you shift your weight onto one leg and hold one hand with the other in front of you, you’ll look relaxed but not defensive. Like any good conversationalist, use one hand to reinforce certain points in your conversation. It’s quite rare to see a guy who is overanxious with his hands in day game, but if you’re flapping around or kneading dough, hold them a little more at this waist position. It’s the closest you can get to locking-in on an open sidewalk.
Too many questions, not enough statements—“Am I on a hidden camera or something?” a girl once asked me after I pummeled her with four or five straight questions. Kaboom! Blowout.
Mixing questions with statements is not only natural to good conversation, but it also allows you display your value because you get to talk about yourself.
A good experiment is to make a statement that shows your value and then wait until she responds. Often enough, a woman who is attracted will be smart enough to reply and relate to what you’re saying (which is also qualification on her part). You should get to a certain level of conversational mastery where you give enough DHV thread that she feels if pulled on it a little your whole story would unravel for her, and she can find out more about this interesting man she met. (This works for night game too.)
Approaching two-sets from the outside while opening solo—your approach will go much smoother if you stop both of them at the same time. (Again, this is another situation where developing a commanding vocal tone will come in handy.) To do this, you must approach from the middle. Your thin slice will be more powerful if you can stop two women at once, seemingly without extra effort.
If you approach from one side, you’ll only get one woman’s attention. The second may walk off or end up in a bad position, sometimes not hearing your opener or seeing your face, which leaves her to guess what your subcommunications were. Better hope she guesses something positive. Don’t leave things to chance.
Tap the shoulder of the girl you like from the inside (even if she strings her purse there), get her attention and her friend will naturally turn in. Voila, you have good position. Slowly rotate them to an east-west posture to create a more equal dynamic.
Tapping her on the side that her purse hangs—she may think you are trying to grab it, especially if she is walking alone. Just tap her on the other side and you can buy yourself a few more seconds later on by not spooking her.
Cornering her against a wall and Not moving her when needed—It’s human instinct to want an “out” from a closed situation. If she happens to be leaning against a wall of a building or in the corner of a bookstore, try to approach from more of an angle. This releases the primal pressure of fight or flight.
If you corner her and she gets nervous, she will unconsciously be trying to make herself more comfortable in the interaction (or try to leave it altogether). When she does this, her focus isn’t one how awesome you are, but rather on a million other sub-factors in the environment. As is the way of the pick-up world, you get pinned as the guy who it “just didn’t feel right” with instead of the guy who took a chance in a less-than-ideal situation. Thus is the game.
Find a better angle when approaching or shift to a different one when you do. It will put her more at ease and may give you an opportunity to lock in.
Likewise, on a busy street, don’t be afraid to tell a girl to move out of the middle of the sidewalk so you don’t get “run over.” If people are constantly brushing her, she’ll be looking for an out or not paying attention. She may even give you the I really wish this wasn’t such an awkward situation look as she pulls out her phone and says she is late.
If she looks really nervous or uncomfortable but is trying to stay engaged in the conversation, you can give a suggestive tug on her shoulder or hand as you tell her to move. Often this can be quite calming and can move things forward as you both step to the side.
Nick Hoss is a Project Rockstar coach who will be situated in New York City from May until August 2011. He is available for day and night game one on ones and phone consultation anywhere in the world. His Bio is HERE. He is on Facebook HERE. He is on Twitter HERE. This article was first published on Love Systems.