Top 10 Mistakes Men Make While Approaching Women During The Day

Top 10 Mistakes Men Make While Approaching Women During The Day

By Lifestyles | The Trent on February 7, 2014
couple women
Credit | Dreamstime

by Nick Hoss

Taking too long to catch her—if you walk past a woman for more than three seconds, you’ll have to run to catch up with her. Your body goes from a calm state of walking, to noticing the woman and getting anxious, to running and panicking. By the time you open, your chest feels constricted, and you’re shorten, all while you’re trying to smile and keep a steady tone. It’s too much.

Instead, see the girl, tell yourself “I need to approach her,” turn and go. That’s it. Ride the pelvic rush and project some decisive masculine energy. All of your subcommunications align and you feel more in the moment when you spot and react. In turn, the gears in your mind lube up because you focus on the excited feeling, not “I have to do X, Y and Z when I finally reach her.”

Too much distance between you and her on the approach or during the interaction—this always starts when you approach her from too great of a distance. Even when you are decisive in approaching, if you stop her at further than an arm’s length or you are stretching to reach her, there’s too much space. (You also shouldn’t be so close that you have to coil your arm to touch her shoulder.)

Ideally, be within that arm’s length when you first contact her and be close enough that you could do a basketball pivot to face her. This means if you are walking south and she north, you turn back and stop her so you both turn in facing east-west. This makes it a mutual meeting—not confrontational but not taking a non-assertive (beta) position. It also makes it that much harder for her to walk off in first few seconds.

You’ll want to be at the edge of her comfort zone during set as well, which again is within an arm’s length. (Less than a full, outstretched arm.) If you and her can’t feel comfortable in each other’s space, how would you feel comfortable on a date?… or at least that is what she is picking up on through subcommunications.

Too jerky tapping her on the shoulder/too much lingering initial touch—first, to clear a misconception: you don’t need to tap her on the arm in order to stop her. In fact, I feel it is more powerful if you can cultivate a depth of voice that grabs her attention instead.

The tap on the shoulder is just a secondary means. It’s not a fancy “kino” move; it’s used so she knows you are talking to her instead of stranger or to grab her attention over exterior noise/her headphones.

How fast and heavy should you touch her during these times? A slight bit longer than is needed for her to turn her head. The amount of pressure when tapping her should be tantamount to what you’d use to do a golf clap—enough so she just feels it. Keep your hand on the shoulder for one full second. She’s not as hot as a stovetop, but you’re not giving her a massage either.

If you do focus on this for ten straight sets, you can gauge the proper touch.

Not being deliberate with eye contact on the opener—direct openers are ballsy, but if you can’t see her pupils, the balls will drop right out of your opener. If you can barely look her, a stranger, in the eye when you’re reciting your prolific story of being taken aback by her stunning femininity, she won’t take you seriously. Oh, she’ll believe that you like her look, but she won’t feel the genuine feeling that a direct opener should have.

When you’re delivering the actual opener, I would recommend keeping eye contact for 90 per cent of it. After that, maintain direct eye contact around 75 per cent of the time when you’re talking and 40 per cent when she is talking. Once you get comfortable in set and have a real, interested conversation, the eye contact will take care of itself. (When you’re not making direct eye contact, focus on her mouth.)

Once honed, you’ll want to learn to drop your eye contact as you pause in your opener. Every guy who gets to an intermediate comfort with day game notices that openers eventually don’t hit, even when it flows like a waterfall. This is due to the nature of the day game direct opener…

Think about it: you stopped this woman because you thought she was “gorgeous” and you would be “kicking” yourself “all day” if you didn’t come to meet her. Would a woman with a pull that strong—enough to turn a man around in his tracks—get approached with a flawless line? No. Flawless lines sound rehearsed, almost fake or emotionless. Without emotion, the opener just won’t work.

Learn to drop your eye contact, be a bit bashful and throw in a slight “um” when you first tell her what made you turn around. This makes it an experience for her, not just a pick-up. She gets guys trying to pick her up all the time. Be genuine or have genuine intent.

Not using hand gestures for emphasis while speaking—This can feel awkward at first.

Day game is different in that you usually don’t have something to lock-in against, so you feel extra exposed. Of course, you’re too smart to cross your arms, but it’s nearly as bad to leave them hanging at your waist or hiding in your pockets.

Keep your hands just below your rib cage. If you shift your weight onto one leg and hold one hand with the other in front of you, you’ll look relaxed but not defensive. Like any good conversationalist, use one hand to reinforce certain points in your conversation. It’s quite rare to see a guy who is overanxious with his hands in day game, but if you’re flapping around or kneading dough, hold them a little more at this waist position. It’s the closest you can get to locking-in on an open sidewalk.

Too many questions, not enough statements—“Am I on a hidden camera or something?” a girl once asked me after I pummeled her with four or five straight questions. Kaboom! Blowout.

Mixing questions with statements is not only natural to good conversation, but it also allows you display your value because you get to talk about yourself.

A good experiment is to make a statement that shows your value and then wait until she responds. Often enough, a woman who is attracted will be smart enough to reply and relate to what you’re saying (which is also qualification on her part). You should get to a certain level of conversational mastery where you give enough DHV thread that she feels if pulled on it a little your whole story would unravel for her, and she can find out more about this interesting man she met. (This works for night game too.)

Approaching two-sets from the outside while opening solo—your approach will go much smoother if you stop both of them at the same time. (Again, this is another situation where developing a commanding vocal tone will come in handy.) To do this, you must approach from the middle. Your thin slice will be more powerful if you can stop two women at once, seemingly without extra effort.

If you approach from one side, you’ll only get one woman’s attention. The second may walk off or end up in a bad position, sometimes not hearing your opener or seeing your face, which leaves her to guess what your subcommunications were. Better hope she guesses something positive. Don’t leave things to chance.

Tap the shoulder of the girl you like from the inside (even if she strings her purse there), get her attention and her friend will naturally turn in. Voila, you have good position. Slowly rotate them to an east-west posture to create a more equal dynamic.

Tapping her on the side that her purse hangs—she may think you are trying to grab it, especially if she is walking alone. Just tap her on the other side and you can buy yourself a few more seconds later on by not spooking her.

Cornering her against a wall and Not moving her when needed—It’s human instinct to want an “out” from a closed situation. If she happens to be leaning against a wall of a building or in the corner of a bookstore, try to approach from more of an angle. This releases the primal pressure of fight or flight.

If you corner her and she gets nervous, she will unconsciously be trying to make herself more comfortable in the interaction (or try to leave it altogether). When she does this, her focus isn’t one how awesome you are, but rather on a million other sub-factors in the environment. As is the way of the pick-up world, you get pinned as the guy who it “just didn’t feel right” with instead of the guy who took a chance in a less-than-ideal situation. Thus is the game.

Find a better angle when approaching or shift to a different one when you do. It will put her more at ease and may give you an opportunity to lock in.

Likewise, on a busy street, don’t be afraid to tell a girl to move out of the middle of the sidewalk so you don’t get “run over.” If people are constantly brushing her, she’ll be looking for an out or not paying attention. She may even give you the I really wish this wasn’t such an awkward situation look as she pulls out her phone and says she is late.

If she looks really nervous or uncomfortable but is trying to stay engaged in the conversation, you can give a suggestive tug on her shoulder or hand as you tell her to move. Often this can be quite calming and can move things forward as you both step to the side.

Nick Hoss is a Project Rockstar coach who will be situated in New York City from May until August 2011. He is available for day and night game one on ones and phone consultation anywhere in the world. His Bio is HERE. He is on Facebook HERE. He is on Twitter HERE. This article was first published on Love Systems


  1. There’s this old-fashioned misconceptions when it comes to who should approach whom. Hoes stay winning because of their ability to not only approach a man, but strike up the conversation that keeps his attention as well. “Let the hoes keep winning, my prince charming will approach me in due time”. This is all due to ‘If’s’ if you’re approachable… if the guy you’re feeling is confident, and if you’re prepared to deal with the thirsty men who are going to holler while you wait for your guy to notice you. That’s a lot of ifs.

    In my young days I was so scared of rejection especially from a female, but rejections are always the key to success….well at least for some. One thing men never learn is how to accept being rejected or the notion of it so we keep trying with almost every girl we come across, or seem to find attractive. women on the other hand have predominantly never been rejected by a man so they don’t want to feel like his first victim so they wont even bother to approach this guy.

    When being approached by a man the least you can do is introduce yourself. The man will do most of the work. For example, The man has to ask you out. The man has to take you out. He has to work to show you a good time and try get a second date. He has to work to get you open enough for sex. He has to work at giving you great sex. He has to work at being a better boyfriend than your previous assholes. He has to work to afford a big ring. He has to work up the nerve to propose. He has to work at calming you down because you’re worried your wedding won’t be as perfect as you dreamed. If you’re picking good men, not any of these dolt guys, then he will work hard to make you his and keep you his. Saying Hello is far from “doing everything”.

    Gone are the days men had to do all the working, but since in the UK there are 7 women to a man, men can have 6 other women if they chooses to, so the chances of men doing all the working seems to have diminished over the last 5 – 10 years but women can’t still discern to notice the difference. I’m not asking for women to arrange the first date, pay for the dinner, get the man safely home etc. I am asking my generation of female’s to get off their lazy arse’s and give men of today who have a world full of hoes they could easily sleep with, a reason to work hard. If he can’t hold a conversation, don’t give him your number. As a woman you always know when a guy is into you or not. This is quite controversial and subjective but most female’s get dumber by the year without even noticing this. Show me a female who’s supposingly a “wifey material” and I will give you 5 or more guys who have done everything with her in the books of kamasutra.

    The same way you can’t discern if a female is single is the same way you wont know if a guy is single or not unless you talk to them first. Women who are single and successful dress the same as women who are broke and living with their parents. A man is not going to approach you based on how he thinks your stock portfolio is doing, he’s going to approach you based on looks and keep talking to you based on how cool you are, or intelligent he thinks you are. How can you tell a successful man from some bum ass dude? Easy, men let you know as soon as they walk into the room that they’re getting money (the outfits, trainers, car etc).

    Statistics and Scarface (the movie) show us that when you look like money, smell like money, and getting money, you no longer have to approach the girl, they approach you even though most will be hoes but who cares? as you are only going in for the ass and titties and not marriage until maybe in your late 30′s. When a man is content with hoes always on his d**k, he will even ignore the prettiest girl in the room unless she’s either truly sexy, a 10, (not 8 or 9 but the perfect 10), famous (a girl he’s heard of) or infamous (a freak he’s heard of before). Why would Mr. I have it all or Mr. successful risk being rejected unless he’s super keen on you, or even take off his cool and approach you first?.

  2. Here it is boys, the Wh #whatwomensay and what they actually mean

    “We need to talk” = I need to complain about you

    “Have fun at the party” = do not have fun at the party

    “You don’t need to buy me a present” = you need to buy me a very expensive gift

    “Yes” = no

    “No” = yes

    “I’m very adventurous” = I’ve slept with every guy who gives me even a hint of attention

    “are you hungry?” = take me to dinner

    “we’re going to be late” = yes it took me five hours to get ready but it’s all your fault so drive faster who cares it’s your insurance not mine

    “you seem like a player” = I find you interesting

    “you’re such a jerk” = I am attracted to you

    “so why did you break up with your ex girlfriend” = what’s wrong with you

    “it’s getting kinda late” = I’m not going to have sex with you

    “so are we together” = I want you to stop f*cking other women

    “do you like me” = I like you

    “we have different values” = I found somebody else to fvck

    “I am tired of drama and BS” = I am very attracted to a**holes

    “I like your friends, but..” = I don’t like your friends

    “I want a man to spoil me” = im already having sex with one guy, but now i need an AFC to spend money on me

    “I’ve been really busy” = I don’t like you

    “Who’s that girl you were talking to” = are you having sex with that girl

    “I want to be friends first” = guys just pump and dump me so now im gonna take my insecurities out on you and make you wait

    “Im not ready for a relationship right now” = im not ready for a relationship with you, ever

    “I just don’t want a boyfriend right now” = I don’t want you as a boyfriend, ever

    “That’s okay” = I want to think long and hard about how I’m going to make you suffer

    “I’ll be ready in 5 minutes” = I’ll be ready in 2 hours

    “You don’t know how to communicate” = you need to do what I tell you

    “We can always still be friends” = there is no way in hell I’m going to let any part of your body ever touch any part of mine, ever again

    “I like you but..” = I don’t like you

    “There’s no one else I swear” = I’m banging two of your best friends

    “I love sex” = I love sex with other people, but not with you

    “I can’t believe I did that” = i do that all the time with other guys

    “I’ve never done that before!” = I do that all the time with other guys but will only do it with you once in a while so you think you’re special

    “We’re moving too fast” = I’m not ready to sleep with you again until I find out if the bad boy I got the hots for is out of prison yet

    “Do I look fat” = everything is going perfect so we need to fight

    “I cant believe i just sent you that picture!” = I do this all the time

    “Whatever” = f*ck off

    “Can you help me with ” = if I keep whining and making him think he will f*ck me the idiot will do what I say

    “Where are you?” = why aren’t you here doing things for me

    “I’m not sure what I want” = I don’t want you

    “You’re such a great guy!” = You’re a chump

    “I have a headache” = I won’t be having sex with you tonight

    “I’m tired, I think I’m just going to stay in tonight” = I’m going to fvck someone else tonight

    “I hate my ex” = I’m still in love with my ex but he won’t take me back

    “I’m so happy for you!” = I am jealous and not happy for you at all

    “I don’t care, let’s go wherever” = you better know where I want to be taken

    “It’s nothing” = this is a big deal

    “I think I’ll just stay in and take it easy” = you did something minor to make my gina dry up and I’m considering never talking to you again

    “yeah, I’m all for starting out dating non-monogamously” = if I even suspect you have a lunch date with someone else you are a player and a loser

    “I’m not ready to have sex yet” = You’ve still got 453 hoops to jump through cowboy

    “I was really an idiot to marry my ex” = I blame others for my own choices in life, and I was desperate and approaching the wall, besides, all my other girlfriends were getting married and I was afraid to be the last one

    “Men are all the same” = I refuse to change my ways because nothing is ever my fault

    “Your friends are awesome!” = once I get you to commit I’ll alienate every one of them from you and slowly isolate you and your wallet

    “I like to take it slow at first” = I’m still judging you and testing you

    “Let’s do something next week” = unless I get a better offer

    “I can’t stand my ex” = I think about doing him every night

    “I promise, I’m not a cat lady” = I am so totally a cat lady

    “Look at that skank” = I’m jealous of all the male attention she gets

    “I’m not in a position to do this properly and it wouldn’t be fair for you unless i could give it a proper shot” = i don’t like you anymore and i’ve already started looking for a new guy to f*ck

    “eww, i dont even like sex, d!cks are ugly” = I’m a total slut and feel like a piece of garbage for getting f*cked by so many worthless losers over the years

    “i don’t suck d*ck” = i don’t suck YOUR d*ck

    “I just think we need some space” = Im thinking of sucking and fukking this other guy or multiple guys but im not sure yet, i will let you know at your lowest point, for now ill keep you in suspense

    “call me on Thursday to confirm” = you’re my backup plan. I have almost no intention of actually going out with you

    “I really like you as a friend” = I’m not going to sleep with you or date you, but you can take me out and buy me dinner if I don’t have anything better going on

    “do you mind if I leave some of my things at your place” = I want other women to know you’re seeing someone

    “sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner, I was so busy with work/feeling sick” = take a hint, I could not possibly care any less about you

    “sorry I turned my phone off/battery died” = I was busy with some other guy

    “sorry I can’t make it this Friday after all” = I found something better to do

    “I don’t get along with girls because they’re jealous of me” = I don’t get along with girls because I’m a stuck up b*tch

    “It’s not really going to be a couples thing, so maybe we’ll meet up after?” = I don’t want my friends to think I’m dating you seriously

    “it’s just girls night out” = I’m looking for the bigger better deal (BBD)

    “I don’t care about money you know I’m not like that” = yeah sure that’s why you brought it up

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