by Sussanah B. Lewis
Every night in households across America, as children sleep peacefully in their beds and husbands (usually) lounge on the couch with a bag of chips and watch television, women are tirelessly working. There are clothes to be ironed, next-day lunches to be made, lists to be written, and doors to be locked.
As the man moves from the couch to the bed and waits on his lovely lady to join him, she still isn’t done. Night cream has to be applied, chin hairs need to be plucked and ashy knees and elbows need to be lotioned.
Finally, after checking on the children and the locked doors yet again, the woman slips into her comfortable bed and heaves a collective sigh of relief because no one needs anything else from her today. She can finally soak in the silence of the house and rest.
But before she’s even closed her eyes, he’s turned onto his side to face her. She knows what he wants, what he needs (yes, I said NEEDS). Although exhausted and covered in various creams and lotions, she’s the one who is responsible for meeting his needs.
I’m sure I’ve already outraged women everywhere with those few opening paragraphs. I know what you are saying:
“This isn’t 1950! Women aren’t submissive pieces of flesh whose only purpose is to service a man! She doesn’t have to do ANYTHING before going to sleep! He has a hand!”
Ladies, I hear you. Please take a moment to calmly breathe, take another sip of your coffee/wine and read on before you congregate on my front lawn with picketing signs.
I recently wrote an article, 5 Mistakes I Make as a Wife (And You Probably Do, Too), and one of my faults is not making time for my husband in the sexual department. I received many positive comments and emails regarding the article, but it made some women incredibly angry that I had the audacity to insinuate that a woman should put her husband’s desires before her own.
Because, apparently, selfishness is a horrible thing unless we are talking about sex.
Sex isn’t solely about you, woman. Let that sink in. If you have a good man (as I do) who values, loves, respects and honors you in every way, then there is absolutely nothing wrong in giving him what only you can offer—even if you’d rather sleep, watch television, pin recipes or play Candy Crush.
Simply, it’s called putting other’s needs before your own, and yes, I use the term “needs” because that’s exactly what they are.
Sex is a real physical need for men that women just don’t have.
It’s not my opinion. It’s science.
Women do not have a biological drive for sex. We want sex based on hormones that fluctuate due to our reproductive cycle, our emotions and the hypothalamus in our delicate female brains. We just don’t need sex in the same way that our men require it. This doesn’t mean we are completely lacking a libido or that sex isn’t a wonderful and mandatory part of our lives. It simply means that we don’t have as much testosterone as men (but just enough to trigger the growth of that chin hair).
I didn’t fully understand this until I heard the following comparison:
When I was breastfeeding, I felt annoying pain and discomfort when the milk built up. I had to release it before I turned into the Hulk and went on a rampage. This need for release is quite similar to the need that a man feels when he is chocked full of semen. With sex, we don’t have a buildup that demands release. Men certainly do.
Again, it’s not just some crazy submissive opinion. It’s science.
I received some comments on my article from women who stated that they shouldn’t be expected to service their men multiple times a day just because they “need” sex, and to that I say: you are absolutely correct. Any man who misuses his “need” and demands that his partner roll over at his every command isn’t really a man but rather an egotistical sex-crazed maniac that can take his needy a$$ to the bathroom and service himself.
As for the men who misuse their sexual “need” by requesting to ravish you while you suffer with a migraine or the flu, well, they aren’t real men, either. No good husband would be more concerned with his sexual needs than your needs to heal.
But we cannot continually deny our good, loving, honorable, faithful men what they physically require from us if we’ve vowed to be the one to meet the requirement. We cannot continually put our wants before our husband’s needs. We cannot continually play the “Not tonight, honey, I’m tired” card or deny them sex because we aren’t in the mood.
Who knows, maybe a little nookie would help you sleep better anyway?
If you are blessed with a partner who makes it a priority to meet your non-sexual needs, then shouldn’t you make it a priority to meet his sexual ones?
Do unto others. It’s not just some crazy submissive opinion. It’s the Golden Rule.
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