by Frank Kobola
Balls are pretty mind-boggling to anyone who doesn’t have them, so I set out to answer all the questions you might have about the worst part of the male genitals.
1. Do balls grow at the same rate as your penis?
I’m not entirely sure what this question is asking. Balls can change size and grow during sex, but it’s not related to erections. The scrotum also contracts. If we’re talking in terms of puberty, yeah, both the penis and testes start getting bigger around the same time, but the penis goes through the most changes.
2. Is ball size the same issue as penis size, e.g. self-consciousness, comparing to other guys, etc.?
Guys don’t worry about their testicles in the same way, no, and I think it’s really because we’re not going around putting them in women. That said, if they’re abnormally small, guys still get self conscious. If you Google it, you’ll still see guys posting on message boards and Yahoo answers to see if their testicles aren’t right.
3. Is it true that if you don’t jerk off for awhile you are storing more semen in your balls, and is that a good thing/something you actively try to do?
Not jerking off can lead to more intense orgasms. You’re definitely storing more semen in the balls, and if you go for a prolonged period, your balls actually need to start getting rid of the semen. If you’re not doing it on your own, you’ll have a nocturnal emission, or wet dream: it’s your balls having a fire sale on semen.
4. Is one ball slightly bigger than the other, a la boobs?
You bet. Just like with breasts, one ball is usually bigger and sits lower in that wrinkly flesh hammock we call a scrotum. It’s typically the left one, but it could be either.
5. What does it feel like to get kicked in the balls?
It is genuinely awful. There are a ton of pain receptors hanging out there and nothing to protect them: no fatty tissue or muscles to cushion the blow. On top of that, there are nerves that run up into our abdomen, spine, and butt (which is why guys can get a stomachache when it happens, too). So basically, we get hit with the worst pain imaginable, and then that pain travels all throughout our midsection. It’s actually been argued that the sensation is similar to childbirth (although not as drawn out).
6. Is ball-touching essential to your sexual experience?
Essential? Absolutely not. We don’t need ball stimulation to achieve an orgasm. Still, it never hurts to give them some attention if you’re up for it.
7. How are girls supposed to be touching balls?
Ideally, with your mouth. Just put them in there and play around with them a bit. If the idea of that grosses you out, you can hold them in your hand and juggle them with your fingers. Don’t pull on the sack like you’re ringing a dick bell or anything.
8. Why do some ball sacks sag and others are high?
Scrotums react to a lot of different stimuli, but just like penises, each ball sack is a beautiful and unique work of art (OK, they’re gross). Some guys have bigger ball sacks, some guys have smaller ones, or tighter ones, or looser ones.
9. Are blue balls real? And is it related to actual testicles?
This has been debated for a really long time. Having an uncomfortable amount of fluid buildup is definitely real, and can happen to both men and women for a variety of reasons. The balls don’t really turn blue, but ask any guy who hasn’t had the chance to finish and he’ll tell you the feeling is really uncomfortable. There are a lot of ways to get rid of blue balls (essentially, make the erection go away) that don’t involve guilting you into a blowjob, though.
10. Do you have to moisturize your ball sack skin?
It’s skin, so it can get dry just like every other part of the body. I don’t think most dudes have a special bottle of ball lotion or anything, but it’s all on a case by case basis.
11. How do you shave balls? Do you like pull them taut?
Probably the best description would be those old-timey cartoon barbers that take a razor and swipe it back and forth on a leather strop.
12. Can you feel them contract/expand? Can you do it on command?
We can’t really feel it. I suppose if it’s something we’re actively focusing on as it’s happening, we can be a bit aware of it.. We can’t do any of it on command, though. It’s an automatic function brought on by temperature change or arousal.
13. Does it hurt if you jump or run without underwear on, or in boxers?
We don’t have to stay perfectly still without any kind of buffer (and boxers themselves don’t offer much), but any kind of repeated action can definitely bother them; most guys would get a sinking feeling in their stomach if they forgot their underwear or jockstrap the day we were doing sprints and jumping jacks in gym glass. You can grit your teeth and bear it, but it’d be like doing active movements without a sports bra.