Love and connection are the sustenance of life. Love is the super delicious treat in life. It’s wonderful. The challenge is that the few first few months of any relationship are consumed with a lusty kind of love and our brains are high on dopamine. We have absolutely no objectivity in this phase. All we can do is think about and obsess over our lover. This is not the real nitty-gritty love where a person’s real qualities actually come out and show themselves.
That said, here are five ways to tell if this one is really the ONE.
1. Your love is the one if you respect him/her. When we respect someone, we operate with a higher level of self-awareness and self-control. Respect abolishes immaturity because it brings with it a certain standard of treatment, which sets limits without any words being said. When we respect someone we always want to be our highest quality self as we realize there is no room or desire to take advantage of this person in any way. You admire everything he/she stands for — how they treat people, how they view the world.
2. Your love is the one if you are crazy attracted to each other. Sexual attraction can wear off once the lusty stage is over if your partner is not the one. When you are with the one, the sexual intimacy only gets better and more creative as you are able to feel more and more comfortable and free to be yourself in the relationship.
3. Your love is your closest confidant. As you grow together, you will find that you are able to tell this person any and everything. You can confess your successes and insecurities and feel safe either way. There is no jealousy or degrading going on when you are sharing. You feel safe and totally accepted.
4. You agree on the basic things in life. Your love is the one when you operate in life from similar philosophies from the smaller details to the bigger picture. You also make room and space for small differences and have no problems compromising because the compromises are not major.
5. You are supported and encouraged to be the best version of yourself. You are able to be as expansive as you desire to be without your partner being intimidated or needing you to shrink to make him/her more comfortable. Your love is not threatened by your dreams. Your hard work and commitment to achieve them are supported by your partner. Your love is the ONE when they do anything in their power to assist you in being the biggest and best version of you.
When you are with the one, there are no games. You are not being called late as the last option, put on the side or made to feel insecure. You are never in question of your place in his/her life where you feel like you have to lobby for a position. When your partner is the one, you can relax and feel safe and yet you are inspired to give the best version of yourself each day to make this commitment work. There is nothing about this relationship that you feel could pull it apart. You communicate, you trust and you support each other even through your differences. You are good with teamwork and cooperation and finding mutually beneficial solutions.
If you are in a relationship and you are not feeling safe, then it cannot be the relationship that is going to take you into the true experience of love. You will feel pain and hope for love and that, my friends, is not love. Love is high level, interesting, and it can only grow in intensity as you grow as individual people.
True love embraces the individuality of each partner. If you are in anything less than this experience of love, start to love yourself the way you would want your partner to love you and soon you will outgrow your low level experience and pull in someone wonderful. Little life message: If you love yourself, others will reflect that back to you in equal or better value.
Dr. Sherrie Campbell is the author of Loving Yourself and is a licensed Psychologist with more than nineteen years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly achieve an empowered life. Click here to get her free article on Five Ways to Make Love the Common Ground in Your Communication. She is a featured expert on a variety of national websites and has a successful practice in Southern California. Receive free insights from Sherrie and to be involved in her Facebook community of others looking to improve their relationships.