by Ainee Nizami
One of the best advice I got before I got married was, ‘Don’t install a TV in your bedroom.’ I can’t even begin to tell you how much that helped me. Much more than the, ‘Don’t go to bed angry,’ and ‘Consider your mother-in-law as enemy no 1,’ did. Four years of being married, the one thing that I’ve realised is that marriage really is a total gamble. Either you find the one person you can live with (and annoy) for the rest of your lives, or you don’t. So before you take the big plunge and tie the knot, have a quick read at all those unwritten post marriage changes that no one tells you about. And if you are already married, read this and stop yourself from worrying about what’s wrong in your relationship. It’s all normal.
You might occasionally hate your partner: We do not use the word ‘hate’ liberally. There will be times when his sense of humor or his obsession with sports, things that attracted you to him in the first place, can drive you up the wall. Don’t try to change these things because he is after all the person you fell in love with. And truth be told, you probably drive him up the wall too.
A child can’t save your marriage: In fact the addition of these tiny people in the house will add to the already existing stress. So if you got the golden advice to, ‘have a kid and save your marriage,’ don’t bother, because it won’t really help.
The being in love stage ends: While we all know about the honeymoon phrase, the ‘happily everafter’, ‘in love forever’ notion is wrong too. So if there are days when you find yourself wondering why you married him, don’t worry. The end of this infatuation stage promises better things ahead.
One plus one equals two: The ‘two bodies one soul’ mantra sounds very romantic but a healthy marriage is always about two people coming together and trying to make the relationship work. Don’t beat yourself up trying to make your lives revolve around each other.
Treat him the way you wish to be treated: This is another popular notion, playing right into gender stereotypes. We expect the man to be this romantic hero who brings us the red roses and midnight surprises. Honestly, if you want the romance to last in your marriage, treat your man the way you wish to be treated. Give him the surprise that you crave for, cook him that picnic treat that you long for and give him that good morning kiss that you want every day.
Marriage isn’t happily ever after: Marriage more accurately is a constant work in progress. The arguments will increase with time, there will always be issues to be dealt with and there will be way too many times that he drives you mad. The only change will be that this time you will be willing to give it the required time and patience.
You won’t always find your partner attractive: You might still be attracted to each other on an intellectual level but physical changes can often lessen the physical attraction. The Bollywood version of things that state that if you are not attracted to your partner, you are not in love, is wrong. So don’t be alarmed; it’s a phase that will pass.
Marriage won’t fill the void in your life: Growing up in Indian society, we are made to believe that marriage is the answer to everything. So no one is to be blamed when brides expect their lives to magically change once they’ve found Mr. Right. While life becomes happier, don’t expect it to solve all your problems.