Has your sex life gone stale? Between kids, work, the economy and other pressures, steamy sex may seem like a fantasy. (Although there’s a place for that too!) Are you ready to turn up the heat again? These 20 tips will help get you in the mood both physically and mentally…
Sweaty bodies, tangled sheets, moaning… it sounds X-rated, but it could be real life.
Read on for the top 20 tips for having the best sex ever.
Already having stupendous sex? There’s always room for improvement.
1. You’re entitled to fabulous sex.
So what if you haven’t lost your baby weight, certain body parts are drooping or you have a pimple the size of a volcano. It doesn’t matter.
“When you’re in bed and making love, your partner’s not worried about any little imperfections a woman might have,” says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., author of Pleasure: A Woman’s Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve (Putnam).
Besides, his body probably isn’t perfect either. Does a guy ever let a large belly or back hair get in the way of a good time? Follow his lead.
2. It doesn’t add up.
Women have an average of four sex partners in their lifetime, says the National Center for Health Statistics. Which means many women have field-tested more than four guys.
Whatever your number, you’re neither a slut nor prude. As long as you feel good about yourself, pack protection and avoid embarrassing YouTube videos, who cares how many notches are on your lipstick case?
3. Make a date.
Scheduling sex might sound too anal to be fun, but sometimes planning is in order. You make time to work out and do errands – why not for sex?
“This is important, so you have to make room for it and push it forward,” Dr. Hutcherson says.
Reconnecting with your partner as a lover – not roommates or parents – is a reminder of why you were attracted to him in the first place.
And once you’ve made a sex appointment, the anticipation can be almost as titillating as the event. Kick it up a notch by trading racy texts or leaving a sultry voicemail on his cell.
4. Normal? Forget about it!
Do furries float your boat? That doesn’t make you weird or freaky. Studies and surveys show that American women have sex in lots of ways:
- 17% have tried bondage.
- 20% have used a blindfold.
- 30% have had anal sex.
- 62% masturbate (usually three to four times a week).
- 40% use vibrators.
- 14% look at online porn.
- 70% need clitoral stimulation to slide into home plate.
- 18% opt for oral sex.
Your quirks aren’t so strange, so quit worrying and enjoy!
5. Porn positions are for the pros.
Unless Jenna Jameson is your alter ego, your guy doesn’t expect you to do that reverse cowgirl with a half-gainer.
“There are a lot of ridiculous standards out there about how women should be or look or act,” says Michele Sugg, a certified sex therapist in Branford, Conn. “Let all that go. Reality is, men are turned on by you.”
Your partner will be aroused by seeing you turned on.
6. Lube up.
The right lube can make so-so sex great. There are many lubes – water- or silicone-based – so experiment to see what works.
As a general rule, avoid anything that warms, cools or tastes like a fruit roll-up – they can irritate the skin, says Ellen Barnard, sex educator/counselor and co-owner of A Woman’s Touch (www.a-womans-touch.com) in Madison, Wisc.
7. Get squeaky clean.
Use mouthwash and baby wipes. Like Tupperware for the bedroom, it keeps everything fresh.
8. Go fish.
Fish oil reduces inflammation, blood pressure and dangerous LDL cholesterol. But guess what? It also opens up those teeny blood vessels down there.
Plus, fish oils boost the testosterone in your body – yes, women have this hormone too – so “you notice your arousal more quickly,” Barnard says.
You can get a hefty dose of fish oil by eating salmon, mackerel, lake trout, sardines or herring twice a week. But it may be easier to take supplements.
9. Trade pleasure for pain.
At least, not in the “ouch, ouch, OUCH!” way. Sex should feel amazing. If it’s painful, figure out why. It may be a simple matter of changing positions or adding lubricant.
But it could also be a yeast infection, an undiagnosed STD, endometriosis, painful bladder syndrome, vulvodynia or even cancer. Don’t try to diagnose it on your own – see your gynecologist. And check out Sex Rx for 5 Female Disorders.
If you’re still hurting and nothing is medically wrong, consider talking with a certified sex therapist.
“There can be emotional reasons for painful sex, particularly for women who’ve been raised in religious households or who’ve been sexually abused or raped,” Sugg says.
10. Meds can turn you off.
Some medications – antidepressants, blood pressure medications, even birth control pills – can blunt your sex drive.
If you haven’t been feeling as frisky as you want, talk to your doctor about whether your prescriptions could be putting the chill on your libido. You might be able to use a lower dose or switch to a different medication.
11. Know thyself.
Forget what you see in movies: Only about 30% of women reach orgasm through penetration alone. That means a whopping 70% of us need hands-on help to cross the finish line.“It’s not all up to your partner,” Sugg says. “Share the responsibility and take on pieces of your own sexual pleasure.”
Touch yourself to bump up the heat, so you can have more – and better – orgasms, she says.
12. Give him instructions.
He may not want you telling him how to drive, but he’ll appreciate direction about what pleases you.
Just don’t be bossy about it – unless he’s into that. A simple “It drives me wild when you (fill in the blank)” can work wonders.
Still not getting it? Take him by the hand and lead him down the path of your pleasure. Show him specifically where and how (lightly, firmly, slowly, quickly) you like to be touched.
The reward? A bone-shivering orgasm.
13. Cultivate a rich fantasy life.
You’ve heard it before: The most important sex organ is your brain. So stock it with sexy images to get your motor revved.
“It’s one more tool to bring to your play,” Barnard says. “There’s plenty of tasteful stuff out there, so you don’t have to expose yourself to something that’s going to offend you.”
Catch a couple late-night movies on cable. Or peruse erotica at bookstores.
Still missing that spark? Create your own porn.
No, not that. Describe a fantasy in a diary or post it anonymously on a blog. Other people’s comments may help fuel new scenarios you can use.
14. Create a sexy space.
You want your bedroom to feel like a place for good lovin’, not an office or nursery school.
Remodeling isn’t required. Simply clear out the kid toys, put away the work stuff and add small touches like candles or flowers.
15. Get some comic relief.
Sex without gaffes only happens in movies. In real life, something’s bound to happen: One of you farts, you pull a muscle, the dog jumps in, you fall out of bed. The only thing you can do – after checking for broken bones – is just laugh and roll with it. The pressure to have “perfect sex” is a definite mood-killer.
16. Birth control that’s controllable.
It’s impossible to let yourself go if you’re worried about getting pregnant or contracting a disease.
The best birth control? The one you use without fail. Fortunately, if you do slip up, there’s always Plan B (an emergency contraception pill that you can use up to five days after sex. It’s available without a prescription for women 17 years and older.)
“Plan B is a backup for the condom that breaks or the diaphragm that’s 20 miles away,” says Bruce Rosenzweig, M.D., director of urogynecology at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. “It’s not recommended as a primary form of contraception.”
17. Don’t curb your enthusiasm.
Some physical conditions impact your sex life. Heart disease, hypertension and diabetes “can profoundly affect our sexual health and pleasure,” Barnard says.
What’s the connection? Blood flow, baby.
“Sexual arousal is completely dependent on the blood flow to the tiny blood vessels in our genitals, including the clitoris, which gets erect the same way a man’s penis does,” Barnard explains.
So anything that impedes the rush of blood to your nether regions can substantially curb your enthusiasm. See your doctor for help.
18. Catch some zzz’s.
About 67% of women have trouble sleeping, according to the National Sleep Foundation. And, as many working women know, when you’re tired, you’d rather sleep than have sex.
19. Get fit down there.
You’ve heard this before, but here’s why you should do your Kegels: “Orgasms are your pelvic floor spasming,” Barnard says. “If your pelvic floor muscles aren’t very strong, you’re not going to feel much.”
How do you do it?
Just squeeze and release. Make it more fun by squeezing them in sync to the music while you’re driving, recommends Lauri Romanzi, M.D., an urogynecologist at New York Presbyterian Hospital-Weill Cornell Medical Center. Do several sets of 20-30 reps per day, she says.
To make sure you’re Kegeling correctly, put a mirror between your legs and watch as you squeeze.
“The perinea (the skin between the anus and vagina) should pull in, almost like someone’s pulling that skin into your body,” Dr. Romanzi says.
20. Take a Pilates class.
Why Pilates and not another type of exercise?
“Pilates works a lot of ancillary pelvic floor muscles, like the transverse (or higher) abdominal muscles,” Barnard says.
Working your transverse abdominals will strengthen your pelvic floor muscles too, similar to what Kegels accomplish.
(via Life Script)