I have hosted thousands of Pleasure Parties over the past 10 years. After a couple of hours of sex toy talk and tons of wine, these women will tell me every detail of their love life, whether they’re over the moon or trudging through a sexual dry patch.
Ten years and thousands of conversations later, and the same five issues come up over and over. Here’s some super-simple ways to spice up your sex life almost immediately, as told by women like you:
1. Help her out around the house.
If you’ve been living together any amount of time (and especially if you have kids), your woman wants and needs help. If she does all the cooking, cleaning, bill paying, and child rearing, she’ll start to feel resentful. Hurt feelings means no nookie for you.
So, gas up the car and give it a wash. Take out the trash or even cook dinner one night, all without her asking. Men who cook and clean? Sexy. I guarantee she’ll want you to clean her clock later on.
2. Kiss her passionately, and often.
Men get turned on by visuals. Women are tactile and like being touched. And luckily for you, our lips are super-sensitive. Kissing isn’t just for romance, so don’t skip this step. It makes us wet, more orgasmically inclined, and very lusty.
Spend at least five minutes kissing her and really getting into it, paying attention to the taste of her tongue and the sounds she makes before you reach for the goods. She might surprise you and reach for yours instead.
3. Massage her everywhere non-sexual.
See what happens when you rub her feet or legs with some massage oil. Massage her neck and shoulders for 10 minutes after she cooks dinner. Dig in, loosen up those tight muscles, and enjoy the feeling of her melting under your touch. If you do it without the expectation of sex (which many women find annoying and a major turn-off), she may just return the favor.
4. Tell her straight-up how sexy she looks.
From the time we learn to walk and talk, women constantly hear from the media that we’re too old, too wrinkled, too fat. All that crap messes with our minds. Thankfully, all we really need is a little help from you.
If you vocalize (that is, say it out loud where she can hear it) that you find her attractive, sexy, or hot, she will feel so much better about herself, and good feelings leads to a much more sexually responsive lady.
5. Bring some kink into the bedroom.
We have a dirty and kinky side, too. If the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey tells you anything, we like porn, we like dirty talk, we like to be spanked, we like our hair pulled, we want you to take control from time to time, and we want you to tie us to the bed.
Sadly, for most of our lives we’ve been programmed to play the part of the good girl. Help her let out that inner bad girl by talking kink and fantasy and being willing to try new things.
One of our greatest attributes as women is that we’re natural givers and pleasers. But this is also what makes it very hard for many women to ask for something sexually.
We’ve been trained to give you pleasure, but it’s hard for us to just relax and receive. So when you work hard to make sure she knows how much you enjoy giving her pleasure, she will reward you with more orgasms than you can count.
This post originally appeared on Your Tango: 5 Crazy-Simple Things Men Can Do To Turn Gals On INSTANTLY