1. I noticed some bumps on my boyfriend’s penis. Are they normal, or should I be worried?
Like women, men can develop fibrous lumps (excess tissue) down below. Bumps also can signal an allergic reaction, possibly to latex or the clothing detergent he uses. Either way, it’s a good idea to ask your man to talk to his doc about anything that may appear weird (lumps can be a sign of a sexually transmitted infection).
2. I love having sex with my partner, but his penis is very small. Does size matter?
Size shouldn’t matter. What counts is whether you’re satisfied with the sex you and your partner have. Many men make up for their size limitations by outperforming their larger-than-life peers in other erotic areas (foreplay, oral sex, etc.). To up the penetration factor of a man with a smaller penis, try climbing on top or lying on your back and lifting your legs over your head. Both will push a man’s penis — no matter the size — closer to your G-spot.
If your partner is concerned about the size of his penis, be sure to stroke his sexual ego. Compliment him on the ways he performs, but remember not to over talk the issue. This could cause you to ramble or say something that could be inadvertently hurtful.
3. I have no problem getting naturally lubricated for sex, but during it, I feel like my vagina “loosens.” Is there something I can do to make it feel tighter?
Like any other muscle in your body, your vagina needs exercise to stay “tight.” That’s especially true as we age. One of the best things you can do now are Kegel exercises. These little squeezes not only improve the strength of your vaginal walls, but they also strengthen your pelvic floor. As a bonus, you’ll have stronger orgasms. So how do you do them? Sit down and squeeze your vaginal muscles — as though you’re holding in urine — and repeat the action several times over.
4. My partner likes to watch porn to get aroused. When — if ever — should I be worried?
Watching porn can be a normal and healthy part of a sexual relationship, as long as your partner is caring and respectful of your sexual boundaries. Alarm bells should start ringing if he/she starts requesting you to perform “moves” or “acts” that make you feel disrespected or uncomfortable. Porn also can be a problem if it starts to take over a person’s life, or if he starts spending all of his downtime watching it online. Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and work together to ensure you’re both comfortable and satisfied with your sex life.
5. My partner and I have been together for several years, and I’m no longer sexually satisfied. Are we doomed?
Problems in the bedroom can be a sign that something else is wrong in your relationship. Have the two of you been spending more day-to-day time apart than together? Are you both extra stressed? Have you been neglecting date nights or the little things that make you feel special and loved? How have you been communicating? Before writing off your relationship entirely, talk to your partner about your declining level of sexual satisfaction. From there, work together to figure out how to spice things up. Go back to basics if you have to and relearn what makes each other tick. Masturbate. Lie in bed and caress your partner’s body. Talk about your fantasies. Delving deeper into your relationship — emotionally and sexually — should up the wow factor in the bedroom.
6. Why do some men need several hours to recuperate after sex, but it only takes me, like, five minutes?
The difference is in the hormones that course through the veins of a man and woman during sex. When a man reaches orgasm, his pituitary gland releases a concoction of chemicals that make “getting it up” right after ejaculation difficult. The major chemical to blame is prolactin. Responsible for providing that feeling of sexual satisfaction, it also forces a guy to wait before going another round. Research shows men with lower prolactin levels have faster recovery times. Women, naturally, have lower levels than most men.
7. Sometimes my partner has trouble, um, finishing. What’s going on?
If your man has trouble climaxing, several things could be to blame. Your partner’s mind could be wandering elsewhere. Maybe he’s distracted or is stressed about work. Then again, maybe he’s feeling self-conscious about not satisfying your needs in bed. If you suspect this may be the case, talk to him, pre-coitus, about ways to relax.
A more serious reason he may not be able to finish is something called “retarded ejaculation.” In this instance, a man may have no problem getting aroused, but staying that way and reaching orgasm is exceptionally difficult. This kind of problem has been linked to a number of nerve-related conditions like diabetes, nerve damage, prostate disease and the use of alcohol and drugs. In this instance, your partner should speak to his family physician about treatment options.
8. I bleed a little bit after sex. Should I be worried?
Post-coital bleeding can happen for several reasons. If you’re a virgin, bleeding may happen because the hymen, a very thin piece of skin-like tissue that stretches across the opening of the vagina, breaks or tears. This is normal. If, however, you’ve been sexually active for a while, bleeding after sex may be a sign that you’ve contracted a sexually transmitted disease (for example, chlamydia, gonorrhea, etc.) or that a more serious health problem may be affecting your uterus (such as endometriosis, polyps, fibroids or a yeast infection). Either way, if you start spotting post-sex, see your doctor immediately.
9. My partner wants to try anal sex, but I’m worried about the effects it will have on my derriere. Is it safe?
Bum play is a completely normal part of a sexual relationship. Research shows that the nerve endings in the anus and rectum can stimulate orgasm and increase sexual pleasure. If done properly, anal sex should not affect your derriere in a negative way. Some things to remember:
- Start slowly: The anus is very sensitive, so it’s important to take the time to explore the region with your partner (using his or her fingers and/or small sex toys) before jumping into anal intercourse. Not only will this make you feel more comfortable, but it will also give you an idea of the pressure and sensations you enjoy or dislike.
- Stop if you feel pain: Pain during anal intercourse is a sign that something’s not quite right.
- Play safe: Keep the area clean (it’s rife with bacteria) and always use a condom. And never, ever put anything from the anus into the vagina; the bacteria could cause an infection. Wash the area thoroughly after sex, and use plenty of lubrication to make penetration easier.
10. I get very “wet” during sex. Am I normal?
While it may be embarrassing to get so wet down there, you’re actually very lucky to be able to self-lubricate during sex (many women have the opposite problem). That said, you may experience increased levels of fluid during intercourse due to the use of birth control pills, time in your monthly menstrual cycle or the fact that you’re super aroused (something of which your partner should be proud).