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13 Incredible Lies To Tell Your Children Right Now

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We were filled with a sense of grudging admiration for the guy who told his kid his booster seat was an ejector seat which would fire him into space.

So we did some research on what are the absolute best lies to tell poor, innocent children.

These are from two excellent Reddit threads (1, 2) on how best to lie to your children.

We didn’t make them up. Don’t judge us.

1. My grandma told us that smelling each other’s farts would make us stronger. Worst Christmas ever for us, funniest Christmas for her.

LOS ANGELES - NOVEMBER 22:  ***U.S. TABLOIDS OUT***  Actor Bob Odenkirk farts during Comedy Central's First Ever Awards Show "The Commies" at Sony Pictures Studios in Culver City, California.  "The Commies" will air December 7, 2003 at 9pm pst on Comedy Central.  (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

2. If the ice cream truck is playing music, it means they have run out of ice cream

Plum Ice Cream

3. My Mum potty trained me by telling me that children in nappies weren’t allowed into Disney World.

Mickey Mouse (C) and Disney characters g

4. If I swallowed my gum I would fart bubbles. I did it by accident once and had a full-scale meltdown.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Martin Lee/REX (621741n).. Hubba Bubba bubblegum.. Various.. ..

5. My Grandmother convinced my mother than pineapples were poisonous if eaten raw as a joke, which she believed until we corrected her aged 45.

Pineapple

6. My mother said that if I weed in the shower, wee would come out of the shower nozzle. 

Janet Leigh reacts with imilar horror in the shower scene from Alfred Hitchcock's thriller Psycho (Picture: Metro)
Janet Leigh reacts with imilar horror in the shower scene from Alfred Hitchcock’s thriller Psycho (Picture: Metro)

7. My flatmate grew up on a farm and was told by her parents that their TV only worked when it rained. She believed this for far, far too long…

200

8. My mom told my brother and I that a penguin lived behind the fridge, and if we left the door open too long he’d come out and bite us.

Antarctic, Antarctic Peninsula, Snow Hill island, emperor penguin (Aptenodytes forsteri), adult

9. My parents convinced me that if I didn’t eat my broccoli then I would go bald. They used my Grandfather as an example as he was bald. Turned out he was undergoing cancer treatment.

Broccoli is thought to boost your immune system,

10. When my ex-girlfriend was a kid, she had misbehaved and her dad told her he was, “Only going to buy her one boob when she grew up.

Boobiebellion

11. I was told that if a centipede counted my teeth I would die. To this day, I close my mouth when I see a centipede. I’m over 40 years old.

TEETH

 

12. Coconuts are bear eggs.

AR5707-001

13. The rumble strips on the highway are for the blind drivers. Took me seven years to realize. Well played, Dad.

File photo dated 27/10/10 of traffic on a motorway as tomorrow's big back-to-work day is expected to be one of the busiest of the year for car breakdowns, the AA has warned. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Issue date: Sunday January 4, 2015. The motoring organisation expects to attend to around 19,000 call-outs - 30% more than on a normal Monday. An AA/Populus survey of 16,165 AA members found that a third will have had at least one car standing unused throughout the festive period that will be relied on tomorrow. AA members in south east England (36%) are most likely to be in this situation, compared with only 28% in north east England and 19% in London. The AA also warned that roads could be particularly busy this afternoon with families returning home ahead of the new school term. See PA story TRANSPORT Breakdowns. Photo credit should read: David Jones/PA Wire

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