How often do you and your spouse have sex?
Daily, weekly, monthly, or, gulp, annually?
When my husband and I first starting dating, we did it every free minute we had. Which translated to a couple of times a week.
Fast forward a decade and I’m still as hot for him as ever, but our weekly average has definitely declined. I’m okay with weekly or twice-weekly sexual encounters. Couple that with a few quick sessions with myself when I’m alone in the house and I’m done. But he’s not.
He’s a good man and I love him, so I want to have sex more often. A lot of couples, especially those who have been together for a few years, have mismatched libidos. (And yes, it is usually the man who wants more.)
But if you can figure out why he wants it more than you do, you can also figure out what to do to help even things out. Here are 7 reasons why your man wants more sex than you do and tips on what to do about it:
1. Too tired. This is one of my biggest problems. I get up early with my kids and go to bed late. So I’m tired when I get into bed. There’s nothing wrong with scheduling a rendezvous at an off time, when you’re not likely to fall asleep.
2. Not enough time. There’s always something that needs to be done, either with work or around the house. Have your partner up his participation in exchange for the promise of more “bed” time.
3. Feeling self-conscious about your body. There have been times when I’ve felt less than sexy, which translates to me wanting to keep my clothes on. So I do — during sex. I wear a lacy camisole or even a tight tank, because after two C-sections and some extended breastfeeding, I don’t always want to be completely out there.
4. Not digging his appearance. Maybe your partner isn’t taking care of himself the way he used to. He’s wearing his ratty clothes or has put on a few pounds or maybe isn’t keeping up with his hygiene. Tell him. If it affects his intimate time with you, he’ll change. A shower, a shave, or a clean shirt can do the trick.
5. The hormones are changing. At 47, I’m not quite going through “the change,” but I know it’s coming. I plan to have an open discussion about menopause with my doctor and look into some natural ways to deal with some of its unwanted effects like vaginal dryness and mood swings.
6. Encourage his “self love.” There’s nothing wrong with each of you taking caring of yourselves from time to time. My husband and I talk openly about masturbation. If he’s feeling a little horny and I’m snoring next to him, I have no problem if he takes care of himself.
7. Take one for the team. And then there’s this. Sometimes I have sex when I’m not in the mood. Because I want to do something nice for my husband. And what usually happens? Part-way through I’m way into it and can’t remember why I don’t want to have sex more often.
Does your partner have a stronger sex drive than you do? How do you handle it?